I hurt my friend out of love...

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Talk' started by Touch Of Death, Aug 8, 2008.

  1. Touch Of Death

    Touch Of Death Sr. Grandmaster

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    I feel kind of bad, but I have this female friend whom was throwing fake punches at me. I ignored the fients and continued with what I was saying to our other friend. She asked why I wasn't even flinching and I thought about it and explained that I somehow could tell that by the way she moved, I did not sense a threat. Later over a game of chess it came up that she felt she was capable of hurting me. With no bragging intended, I told her she would hurt herself before she ever hurt me. She demanded I up to feel the wrath of her punch; so, I did. She has been to the doctor twice since the incident.

    I feel bad but, I felt she really needed to know, given her line of work, which is both security and bartending. Should I have let it go so far?
    Sean
     
  2. thardey

    thardey Master Black Belt

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    Really, how far did it go? Did she end up hurting herself, or did you hurt her while defending yourself?

    My first thought is that she set the "pace" for the competition. (Which is what it sounds like) some competitions do end it trips to the doctor. At least she should be glad that she found a boundary line through a friend, and not an antagonist.

    On the other hand, I know there are always the questions of "should I have been more careful, should I have not risen to the bait, etc." These questions must be asked, but know that there are no answers for them. Ask them, accept them as valid questions, and then move on to make sure that you don't lose a relationship.
     
  3. terryl965

    terryl965 <center><font size="2"><B>Martial Talk Ultimate<BR

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    Sean sometimes people ego's are bigger than there common sense and we must always protect pourself from any type of harm. So the way I see it she made her decission and you did what you needed.
     
  4. Steve

    Steve Mostly Harmless

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    I can't imagine that any situation involving a friend would end with either in a hospital. It seems to me that there's a lot of information missing.

    And you only feel "kind of" bad? Really? She must be a really good friend.
     
  5. thardey

    thardey Master Black Belt

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    He didn't say anything about a hospital, and there's no need to get sarcastic.

    I've hurt my friends accidentally while sparring, and I felt "kind of bad." I would have felt "really bad" if I had hurt them out of anger.
     
  6. Jade Tigress

    Jade Tigress RAWR

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    Sean, don't beat yourself up too hard about this. I can understand feeling bad about, and to an extent, you should. But, she provoked. I'm sure you used control. It's better she learn her abilities (or disabilities) from someone who knows control than thinking she's *all that* with someone who really doesn't care if they tear her apart.

    We can all suffer injuries from our everyday training, it goes with the territory. What exactly happened? I'm sure you've apologized to her, but what the heck made her think she could take on a skilled martial artist? Chances are, if she was a trained martial artist, whatever technique caused the injury may not have affected a training partner the same way due to conditioning.

    In any case, it wasn't intentional harm on your part and it sounds like she was being quite obnoxious.
     
  7. Kacey

    Kacey Sr. Grandmaster

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    I don't know if it was love - annoyance, perhaps - but nonetheless, she persevered in her quest to have you punch her until you finally did - and, as hard as it is to deal with when you've hurt a friend, she asked for it. I hope she recovers quickly and well - and that she's learned from this to be wary of what she asks for, because she just might get it. Don't beat yourself up over it.

    I do have one question - did she hurt herself hitting you, or did you react to something she did to provoke you? It's not quite clear - either way, she got what she asked for.
     
  8. The Anarchist

    The Anarchist Yellow Belt

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    Pain is a good teacher.
     
  9. arnisador

    arnisador Sr. Grandmaster

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    I don't understand exactly what happened between "so, I did" and "She has been to the doctor twice".
     
  10. BrandiJo

    BrandiJo Master of Arts

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    To me, it sounds more like she hit him and hurt herself (sprained wrist comes to mind) if thats the case she can take it as lesson learned and be more careful next time. If you struck back, or blocked overly aggressive i would understand your guilt but still she provoked you and you put her off for awhile it sounds like.
     
  11. Brian King

    Brian King Master of Arts

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    Honesty does not have to be guilty or apologized for.

    regards
    Brian King
     
  12. Pacificshore

    Pacificshore Purple Belt

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    Sounds to me like a self-inflicted injury. She'll heal like anyone else, and then get back to training and doing it properly too ;)
     
  13. morph4me

    morph4me Goin' with the flow

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    Neither do I
     
  14. Cirdan

    Cirdan Senior Master

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    Seems she had the privilege of getting an extremely valuable lesson...
    Did the injury result from a bad fist or what?
     
  15. Brian R. VanCise

    Brian R. VanCise MT Moderator Staff Member

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    It seems there is quite a bit of info left out.
     
  16. Jade Tigress

    Jade Tigress RAWR

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    I'm guessing that's because he feels so bad about it.

    Upon re-reading, it does sound like it was a self-inflicted injury.
     
  17. Cryozombie

    Cryozombie Grandmaster

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    The way I see it...

    There are a lot of folks in the martial arts who think because they train that they can fight, but have never been in a situation to use it, and therefore have a sorta god complex... "I train, therefore I win" but they don't actually know how to apply that training.

    I know... I myself went down that road before, and I see it all the time now. So....

    Regardless of the outcome, the lesson was important. She was developing a habit that could/would have gotten her hurt worse or killed. Count whatever happened as somthing that became neccessary to help her development, and in the long run keep her safe.
     
  18. Brother John

    Brother John Senior Master

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    HOW was she hurt? Did she hurt her hand on you or did you strike her or cinch up a joint lock or something???

    Your Brother
    John
     
  19. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    I'm really sorry as this is going to sound so wrong but..ROFL!

    I've come across this type of thing a few times especially as I'm a female, people will push and push you as they ( always men in my case) are so sure you can't hurt them so when you do all I can do is laugh my socks off. No sympathy for them I'm afraid. It's called poetic justice.
     
  20. Steve

    Steve Mostly Harmless

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    Oh, sorry. Doctor, not hospital. This is ridiculous. OP allowed himself to be goaded into some kind of interaction with his "friend" that he admits to knowing in advance will result in her being "hurt" and then feels "kind of bad." Seriously?

    When I roll with someone who is brand new, they often don't know when they're in danger. It's my job as a more experienced person to keep us both safe. This would include people in situations like this. If you can't do that, maybe you should avoid showing your "friends" any of your techniques and try some of those tactics that self-defense studios often tout, like how to diffuse a situation without violence.

    To be clear, what distinguishes this is that it clearly was not self defense. It was a situation that should have been diffused, but due (based on the OP's original post) to arrogance and a complete lack of situational awareness, escalated into a situation where someone got hurt, leading to two visits to the doctor.
     

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