How to handle the parents

[shesulsa]

If you allowed the situation to get to the point that a window shade was the last straw, then you allowed the situation to go to far.

Without going into any details, how many times had you sat her down prior to the dreaded curtain incident, and how did those sessions go? Bottom line is that you control the school, not her, and you should have been able to come to an understanding before it became necessary to kick out a student.

Of course, if you sat her down more then a few times and explained things with her and she still chose to challenge your authority in the school, including disrupting class and bothering the other students, then you have no choice but to ask her to leave, and perhaps remove her child from your school.

As to what exactly was the last straw, it doesn't really matter - what matters is that the line had been drawn and she continued to step over it.

As to the rest of your post, it sounds like this is what Terry did.

 

[TKD_Father]

Wait...I'm confused. Didn't you say earlier that kicking her out wouldn't have been your choice? So what do you do so that it doesn't get "too far"? Terry has spoken with her and tried the nice route. It didn't work. Do what is your advice when the counseling and the niceness doesn't resolve the situation?

Also, you should put on a school owner hat not a parent of a student hat when developing your answer.

Lastly to Terry...Sometimes you have to kill one to warn a thousand.

My words were "I would have handled the situation differently". The result may have been the same.

As to Terry's actions, if you read through this thread in it's entirety, you will see that he begins with "a group of parents". He continues for several replies referring the "them" meaning a group of parents and not just one individual. Then his remarks suddenly change to "the mom is no longer with us".

You claim Terry has spoken with her and tried the nice route. It didn't work. yet there are no comments from Terry here to indicate that. The only thing he has said is "there was alot more issue than the window shade, that was the last straw. The dis-respect she gave everybody was too much in the long run"

I'm not saying that Terry is wrong in his decision to terminate this childs TKD involvement at his school. But without all the information, it seems a very harsh action.

I believe there is much more to this then is posted here.

 

[Twin Fist]

this is TERRY we are talking about, he couldnt be rude if you put a gun to his head

also, the only people QUALIFIED to critique Terry on this one are other school owners who have had to deal with this

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

I'm not saying that Terry is wrong in his decision to terminate this childs TKD involvement at his school. But without all the information, it seems a very harsh action.

I believe there is much more to this then is posted here.

It always looks harsh when it is in black and white print. And it is harsh for a child when the parent, who is supposed to be setting an example, is behaving in a childish manner which ultimately causes the child to suffer.

Generally, things like this go on for a goodly amount of time before coming to a head. Consider that an instructor spends the bulk of his or her time teaching. Interraction with the parents occurs only between classes and at the end of the day when classes are done, at which point, the staff is ready to go home.

When a parent or small clique of parents need to be babysat because they cannot behave themselves, the school staff is not to blame; they are busy doing what they are supposed to be doing: teaching class. Parents who need to be in some kind of adult daycare are not the responsibility of the dojo staff.

And as a parent, I cannot stand parents who behave that way. They take the instructor's time and attention away from the class, which is what I am paying for for my own kids, be it martial arts or a soccor clinic.

Unruly parents are a fact of nearly all school age sports programs, be it soccor, football, or karate class. Terry has what I consider a very large school, so it does not surprise me that he has a clique of them to deal with. Such parents often ruin things for their kids. Like dads who go charging onto the field to actually grab a kid on the other team. Or get into fistfights with other dads because they cannot control their tempers. There are certainly mom equivallents, who try to micromanage every move that an instructor makes because they have the answer to everything, never mind that mom has no background to do so.

And yes, it is harsh because the child suffers for a parent's immature behavior.

Daniel

 

[TKD_Father]

this is TERRY we are talking about, he couldnt be rude if you put a gun to his head

also, the only people QUALIFIED to critique Terry on this one are other school owners who have had to deal with this

Now THAT was a quick edit, though I did see what you had before it got changed.

First - I haven't said that Terry was rude in any sense. I haven't implied it - so please don't infer that is what I've said. What I've said is that it is very harsh to tell a child he can no longer train at the school because his mother can't control herself.

Second - Though you changed your last remarks, which were originally a personal attack at me, I'll comment. One need not run a TKD school to understand customer relations.

 

[TKD_Father]

When a parent or small clique of parents need to be babysat because they cannot behave themselves, the school staff is not to blame; they are busy doing what they are supposed to be doing: teaching class. Parents who need to be in some kind of adult daycare are not the responsibility of the dojo staff.
Daniel

Oh I don't disagree. I'm saying that if the parent is recognized as a problem, then it needs to be dealt with right away.

Instead of grumbling time and time again and then suddenly kicking them out, tell the parent you'd like to see them in your office and have a private discussion about their childs future in TKD at this school. Make sure the parent is aware that their actions could determine their child's continued TKD training.

And of course, this still could lead to the ultimate end of kicking the child out of class, but if the parent is aware of the consequences and continues to "cross the line", then there's no alternative.

Based on the information provided in this post, it appears that Terry's actions were harsh. I don't know Terry other then the posts I read. It may very well be that Terry took exactly the actions I've posted, and this is the cumulation, in which case we would be in complete agreement.

Thus far in the post we have 1-some people adjusting shades, 2-child kicked for mom's many disrespectful actions.

 

[Gorilla]

this is TERRY we are talking about, he couldnt be rude if you put a gun to his head

also, the only people QUALIFIED to critique Terry on this one are other school owners who have had to deal with this

I would agree that Terry is very good Master from what I have read on this board and his reputation.

I disagree with your assertion about who is qualified to comment. Many parents are intelligent and quite capable of commenting on this subject. Judge their behavior and what they say. Parents also have to deal with this as they subjected to the same rants from demanding parents as well.

 

[Steve]

this is TERRY we are talking about, he couldnt be rude if you put a gun to his head

I don't know Terry personally, but by his posts here, I can believe this!

also, the only people QUALIFIED to critique Terry on this one are other school owners who have had to deal with this

disagree completely. You don't have to be a school owner to offer something meaningful. Heck, you don't necessarily have to have been a business owner. This is as much a human interaction/interpersonal skills situation as it is an MA school owner issue. More so, in my opinion.

 

[Steve]

I disagree with your assertion about who is qualified to comment. Many parents are intelligent and quite capable of commenting on this subject. Judge their behavior and what they say. Parents also have to deal with this as they subjected to the same rants from demanding parents as well.

I guess I should have kept reading.

 

[terryl965]

Let me say this, I am sorry I did talk to the group as a group and then as individual. Most of them understood and said they would try to make things better for the sake of there childern and help build unity withen the school. The one mom just refused to accept this and said she can say whatever she wants whenever she wants, now this is true she can have a voice but not in my school when it comes to the day to day operation of the school. I wish we could have meet somewhere in the middle so the child could have stayed but the lady in question just did not see t that way.

TKD Father you are right you never accused me of anything and I appreciate your input as well as all others on this board. One of the reason I stay here is because we have such awide range of good honest folks with perspective from every angle. Me as a lot of instructors hate to loose any student or parent from a class but we cannot and will never make everybody 100% happy so we do the very best that we can and try to compromise and then go from there.

Thank you all for a very interested thread and looking for more input and perspective from each and everyone of you. :asian:

 

[TKD_Father]

It sounds like it was a difficult decision, I don't envy your position.

It is truly a shame that she chose her course, knowing what the outcome would be.

 

[Twin Fist]

I thought you had me on ignore....

the world is harsh. Fact of Life, and if mommy has to listen to Little Johnny cry about getting kicked out of class, maybe she will remember to shut her hole at the next school


anyway, fix your sig, your kid is TEN, he aint a Dan

Now THAT was a quick edit, though I did see what you had before it got changed.

First - I haven't said that Terry was rude in any sense. I haven't implied it - so please don't infer that is what I've said. What I've said is that it is very harsh to tell a child he can no longer train at the school because his mother can't control herself.

Second - Though you changed your last remarks, which were originally a personal attack at me, I'll comment. One need not run a TKD school to understand customer relations.

 

[TKD_Father]

Yes, you are on ignore, which has a button to "View Post".

anyway, fix your sig, your kid is TEN, he aint a Dan

In his school, he is a First Dan, and to quote you i dont care if you agree with me (sic)

 

[Jade Tigress]

ATTENTION ALL USERS

Please keep the conversation polite and respectful and return to the original topic. If you choose to use the ignore feature, please allow it to do it's job.

Pamela Piszczek
MT Super Moderator

 

[Twin Fist]

a school with 10 yuear old DAN belts


yeah ok

 

[jks9199]

Folks,
This thread is neither the time nor place to discuss the relative merits of children's rankings. Let's stick with the issue of options to handle rude or disruptive parents who don't cooperate with the school owner's desires, OK?

 

[dortiz]

True but we should clear up one technical point. A Black Belt under 15 years of age is a Poom holder. Not a Dan. It does transfer over but technically thats a true point to make.

Now take down those shades!

Dave O.

 

[Taurusmerda]

Your place of business. If they are poisoning the environment, boot their asses.
If they are trying to poison your other clients, boot them even faster.

Sounds like you did the right thing.

 

[Marginal]

True but we should clear up one technical point. A Black Belt under 15 years of age is a Poom holder. Not a Dan.

That's not universal.

 

[Twin Fist]

it ought to be