Frustrated with verbal bullying

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

@spidersam as a short dude who trains, and hears comments like those a lot, 2 pieces of advice.

First: You can't change your height, so why does it matter? If they make comments about your frame, you can change that if it really bothers you, it will just be a lot of effort.

Second: It sounds like you could learn some better communication skills, learning to set boundaries and asserting yourself. There's a lot you can research on how to do that (pm me if you want more info), but here's a basic webpage on communication styles that could help you get started.

 

[Deleted member 40465]

Why try to actively/secretly/passive-aggressively hurt the people before just talking to them? With your suggestion, OP would be making an active attempt to be harmful, to people who are likely utterly clueless about how they're hurting OP. It would be so much easier just to talk it over with them, and set up boundaries/be assertive.

You are right, didn't mean it that way. Just would be good for OP to get in on the fun instead of looking at it as a vulnerability.

 

[spidersam]

Why try to actively/secretly/passive-aggressively hurt the people before just talking to them? With your suggestion, OP would be making an active attempt to be harmful, to people who are likely utterly clueless about how they're hurting OP. It would be so much easier just to talk it over with them, and set up boundaries/be assertive.

Thanks Kempodisciple. I think I’m going to do that. I thought it might be strange cause it’d be like “hey remember that comment five days ago you probably didn’t think twice about” but after thinking through everyone’s suggestions above I’d rather be up front than ruin a relationship over time. I’ve never been good communicating about my feelings (it’d be easy to blame the past but thatd be an excuse) and know I need to improve on that, so thanks for posting.

 

[spidersam]

You are right, didn't mean it that way. Just would be good for OP to get in on the fun instead of looking at it as a vulnerability.

I’ve tried looking at it as fun for the last twenty years, it just is getting old. I understood what you meant though.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

You are right, didn't mean it that way. Just would be good for OP to get in on the fun instead of looking at it as a vulnerability.

Ah, ok. I actually do it like that sometimes, but i do it in a (i hope) non-hurtful way because im not bothered by their statements. I dont know if OP is at the stage to do that yet

 

[spidersam]

Ah, ok. I actually do it like that sometimes, but i do it in a (i hope) non-hurtful way because im not bothered by their statements. I dont know if OP is at the stage to do that yet

I’m generally easy going and enjoy a laugh. I like a playful josh, just not when someone calls me childsize in front of a group of workers and I have to roll with it/laugh a little to stay professional

 

[Deleted member 40465]

I’ve tried looking at it as fun for the last twenty years, it just is getting old. I understood what you meant though.

Totally understand. Ive always been a runt

Ah, ok. I actually do it like that sometimes, but i do it in a (i hope) non-hurtful way because im not bothered by their statements. I dont know if OP is at the stage to do that yet[/QUa

Ah, ok. I actually do it like that sometimes, but i do it in a (i hope) non-hurtful way because im not bothered by their statements. I dont know if OP is at the stage to do that yet

I just saw a little of myself in this thread and got defensive for OP, but you are right, there is a better way

 

[Christopher Adamchek]

I like being the skinny unassuming martial arts guy - it makes beating them all the easier if they were to attack
But i get it

• you can work on confidence
• speak to your boss privately
• be assertive and tell them to stop but dont engage in their game
• you can work on muscle definition rather than bulking if you dont want to get bigger but look less little
• you can work on posture which changes the way people perceive us