Do not disagree vs. agree

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Talk' started by Kung Fu Wang, Jan 16, 2019.

  1. Kung Fu Wang

    Kung Fu Wang Grandmaster

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    I have just realized that people in this forum like to use "do not disagree" instead of "agree". What's the difference between "do not disagree" vs. "agree"? Your thought?

    I used to have a co-worker who likes to say, "I may agree with you right now, but I reserve my right not to if I can find any good reason for it." Even today, I still don't know why did he talk that way.
     
  2. Bill Mattocks

    Bill Mattocks Sr. Grandmaster

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    Psychology. People do not like to give negative feedback, even when it is deserved or when it's really how they feel. Recently heard a news story on NPR about how people don't really like to give negative feedback on Uber rides, even when the driver is bad, car interior is filthy, etc.

    Some people insist on being honest about feedback, and typically, they are doing a favor for other riders, even if they cause harm to drivers with negative feedback.

    Personally, since negative feedback here is not likely to help others reading the post, I tend to avoid it myself. I'll withhold posting any feedback if I don't like what I'm reading typically.
     
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  3. Kung Fu Wang

    Kung Fu Wang Grandmaster

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    I like to say,

    - "I agree with you 100% there." or
    - "Sorry that I have to disagree with you on this."

    I assume I just have never learned how to use double negative. When I was a waiter many years ago, someone said, "I don't want no sugar." I put a lot of sugar into his coffee.
     
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  4. Tony Dismukes

    Tony Dismukes MT Moderator Staff Member

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    “I don’t disagree” has a more neutral connotation. It might mean “I agree” or it might mean “I haven’t examined the issue well enough to voice any clear objections” or it might mean “I don’t have a strong opinion on the matter” or it might mean “what you say is closer to my opinion than not, but it isn’t exactly the way I would put things.”
     
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  5. MetalBoar

    MetalBoar Green Belt

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    I will frequently say "I don't disagree" when I feel that the post is correct as far as it goes but misses something important or puts a heavy emphasis on something that I feel is trivial. Or, as Tony said above, I might say this if I feel that I don't know enough about the topic or understand enough about what the poster is trying to convey to voice a strong opinion but don't see anything thing wrong within my limited understanding.
     
  6. Kung Fu Wang

    Kung Fu Wang Grandmaster

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    Do you think "I don't disagree" may send out too much negative energy around you?

    I still remember when I worked for IBM, one of my manager always said, "Excellent! I love it!" His attitude made me to feel so good that I didn't mind to work over time for him.

    When you meet a girl on the street, if you say,

    - "You are beautiful!" Your comment will make her happy for many days.
    - "You are not ugly". She won't feel the same way.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2019
  7. oftheherd1

    oftheherd1 Senior Master

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    I think usually when a person says "I don't disagree," in fact there is something they are commenting on that they really don't agree with. The disagreement may be strong and they want to soften the blow, or the disagreement by be less strong, or as above, may mean something they feel important has been left out.

    Double negatives are different and may depend on the language. Koreans use double negatives a lot and you need to be careful how you answer to return the right meaning.

    Like others, I seldom use the disagree button.
     
  8. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    From those two options (100% agree, or disagree) you've only got the absolutes.

    If you do not agree, then you disagree.

    If you do not disagree, then (as above) you may not fully agree with everything, but it's not far enough away from your opinion for you to fully disagree either.


    However, if you "don't want no sugar" then you can't speak proper like what we does, so you deserve lots of sugar (this is one of the many cases when a double negative is just wrong).
     
  9. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    Positive/negative feedback is an entirely different subject to agreement or lack thereof though.

    I personally don't subscribe to the notion of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing", because that's usually a useless position to take, especially if feedback is being sought.


    Let's say I post a video of me doing a pattern, and it's bad.

    You effectively have 4 options:

    1. Lie to be nice and say "that's great"
    2. Say nothing
    3. Tell me it's bad
    4. Tell me it's bad, and why/how

    Option 1 is crap and misleading.

    Option 2 is crap because it gives me nothing.

    Option 3 is crap because it gives me nothing to work with.

    Option 4 - bring it on.


    Negative feedback given in the appropriate way has the most positive outcome of the lot.
     
  10. JR 137

    JR 137 Senior Master

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    I often look at “I don’t disagree” as the person is technically correct, but the way it’s presented isn’t the best way. Or it’s correct but it doesn’t convincingly make a strong argument.
     
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  11. Xue Sheng

    Xue Sheng All weight is underside

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  12. Kung Fu Wang

    Kung Fu Wang Grandmaster

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    There is the 5th option.

    5. You can enhance it by doing ...
     
  13. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    I would only count that as an option if the content was mainly acceptable/good but had areas that could be improved.

    Could very well just be my use of language, but:

    You enhance something that's already alright.

    You fix something that's bad.



    If you have spoiled fish on your plate, you don't seek to enhance it ;)
     
  14. jobo

    jobo Grandmaster

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    don't disagree means you do disagree but can't be bother arguing, unless it's follow by the word BUT, then it means you do disagree and your going to argue about it
     
  15. Dirty Dog

    Dirty Dog MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    This.
     
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  16. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    Probably because it's difficult to tell when someone is adding to a comment or if they are actually disagreeing with you.. Some people are touchy so you want to make sure that what you are saying is understood as a general statement about something, your your specific perspective of something. I only started when I was coming here. Martial artists get offended easily.
     
  17. dvcochran

    dvcochran Senior Master

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    I have never had a problem receiving positive or negative feedback. I think it is the engineer in me. Some of the most valuable data we get is negative biased. A jerk is a jerk and they usually do not want to be told they are being a jerk. Someone skilled in communication can tell them so through comparisons and situations and have the person apologizing by the end of the conversation. My point is, we are hopefully all adults, either in age or maturity. If we take a moment to think about how to appropriately say what we are trying to get across, we can save both sides a few headaches.
    P.S. If I am ever being a jerk please feel free to call me out. If you are just being a baby I will let you know.;)
     
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  18. Xue Sheng

    Xue Sheng All weight is underside

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    can't we all just not disagree to not agree :D
     
  19. Steve

    Steve Mostly Harmless

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    I think one is just less direct. I don’t read anything into it other than that the poster is more or less direct.
     
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  20. jks9199

    jks9199 Administrator Staff Member

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    It's a spectrum...

    I agree: you and I are on the same page
    I don't disagree: I'm not totally on the same page, but more or less coming from the same place
    I disagree: We're on different pages
     
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