What does being a father mean to you?

[Cruentus]

I don't really have much of a dad (but I do have a really cool father and law), and I am not a dad myself.

Not really, anyway.

My wife did give me a fathers day card today from the dog. My dog is like my kid, so it was kind of funny...me enthusiastically thanking Cerberus for the fathers day card and him just looking at me like I've lost it again.

Anyways, it did get me thinking about fatherhood. I will most likely be a father someday soon. We are looking at fostering first, and possibly adopting from there within the next 1-2 years.

Anyways, fatherhood worries me. The time commitment worries me. What will it take away? From my time spent on other productive things? From my relationship with my wife and my friends?

Philisophically, I think that it is important to be a husband and a friend to others as well as a dad. I feel that balance makes you a better parent, and keeps things in perspective.

I know there will be sacrifices. But I know that there are rewards as well.

So, what have you had to sacrifice to be a dad? What are the rewards? What is the right way to go about it? What mistakes would you look out for? If you could do anything different, would you? The main question: How do you find balance between fatherhood and other important parts of your life?

Curious to hear from everyone, especially the dads, on this topic...

Paul

 

[Cruentus]

Revived this because it got buried already, for some reason (wasn't showing up on "New Posts").

 

[MA-Caver]

Revived this because it got buried already, for some reason (wasn't showing up on "New Posts").

Same thing happens with the MACaver thread/posts ... there's so much going on that it quickly gets buried so no biggie...

I'm not a dad either but I do appreciate what dads have to go through sometimes.
Now-a-days I can credit a lot of things that make me who I am directly to my father whom by examples and teachings showed me what it is to be a man and the values a man should have.
I love me dad, love him a lot. Even while I'm more than 1000 miles away I still think of him and try to keep in touch best as I may. He wasn't home when I tried calling him for Father's day. My step-mum was and I brought her up to speed about me. I'll try calling him again soon when he gets back home from his trip.

Nice revial Paul... keep it up.

 

[Makalakumu]

Sometimes it is like this...

http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35212

And sometimes it is like this...



Seriously, though, in answer to your questions, fatherhood is time consuming and challenging and rewarding all at the same time. You will need to reprioritize your life. You will need to learn how to appreciate things on different scales. Some of the things that you love may need to be put on hold and you may learn that you love some completely new stuff. There are no easy answers. It's different for everyone.

 

[Bigshadow]

First, let me say this... Children have a way of tempering your life. There are changes in your life and the way you see the world once you have a child to care for. Things you may have held most important to you now seem less important or not at all. It is one form of shedding selfishness. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but many that do not have children (by my experience with other couples) have a very me-centric view of the world. When one has to care for children, it shifts and the center of the world shifts to them.

Being a father is a life long endeavor. It isn't something that never ends, even after death. At times it is tough and sacrifices must be made, then other times it down right fun. One thing that is consistent through out is how very rewarding and enriching to life it is.

Being a father is also being a good role model, a mentor, a wise old man who gives the child the necessary tools (bits of knowledge) that they will need to make their way through life. It also means being responsible for and the protector of the child.

Even fathers have to have some me time. But I believe many things that were me things change to we things. I generally don't do things that my son cannot be included in. Experiencing exciting times together are very rewarding. It is also being there for them when they are hurt and sick.

I guess I have rambled enough. I will say this... Remember that young children see their parents (whether they are good or bad) as the pillars that hold up the world. They look to their parents to solve problems, answer questions, give them insight, and love them.

OK OK, I will stop now.

 

[Kensai]

Well, I'll be finding out in about 3 months. My partner has a 10 year old from first marriage, so I've had some practice with her, but it's different when they're not yours, and also when they've got pre-formed ideas that you've not helped shape. That said, she's a fantastic kid, a little rough round the edges, but good nonetheless.

As for baby, I'm excited, but nervous. This is it. The big time. Everything, and I mean everything prior to this point in life has been preparation.

 

[terryl965]

There is no feeling in the world that compares to being a father, the teaching , the respect, the turmoil and of course the love you share. My being a father is the one most gratifing blessing GOD has ever given me.
Terry

 

[stickarts]

There is no feeling in the world that compares to being a father, the teaching , the respect, the turmoil and of course the love you share. My being a father is the one most gratifing blessing GOD has ever given me.
Terry

yup. same here.
It's just an amazing feeling and experience.
I was worried about being a good dad but it just all works out when you spend time with them and love them.
You start to understand how many worries and arguments in this world are really petty as you understand the value of more important things.
What a feeling to come home and see your kids faces light up when they see you and they run and jump into your arms!

 

[Phadrus00]

I have been blessed with a wonderful son for 13 years now. Being his Dad has been the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done. My wife and I divorced some years ago and now he lives back in Canada and I live here in Boston but we stay very much in each others lives. He visits me typically every month and he spends the summers here with me and my gorlfreinds family. She has two boys herself, one form her previous marriage and one is her nephew who she raises since her sisters anerism several years ago. They are 13 and 14 years old respectively. Yes that means over the summer we have 3 teenage boys between the two of us. *smile*

So what is being a Dad and/or a surrogate Dad all about? Well it's about setting good examples and setting boundries. It's about being a role model and being a good listener. It's about being willing to be patient in the hopes of cultivating something truly better than yourself and it's about being worried and scared and elated and sad and mad.. sometimes all at once.. *smile*

It's the toughest job you will ever love and you will be a better man because of it.

Rob

 

[John Brewer]

I'm a step Dad and have been for twelve years. It was hard in the beginning because of the whole "You're not my Dad" thing, but over time it's been great. He's 19 now and we talk. That's probably the best part when they come to you for advice.

Happy Fathering

John

 

[MA-Caver]

There is no feeling in the world that compares to being a father, the teaching , the respect, the turmoil and of course the love you share. My being a father is the one most gratifing blessing GOD has ever given me.
Terry

well... now you know how HE feels...