The Parrot

KenpoTex

Senior Master
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Jan 24, 2004
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Springfield, Missouri
There was a man who had a parrot. Now this parrot wasn't just an ordinary parrot, it was a parrot that talked. And mostly what he said was ...vulgar. He had been owned by a former Marine DI, who had taught him all the words in his vocabulary. Now he was the cause of his new owners pain. Girlfriends left him because of the swearing parrot. His mother disowned him. His rent was raised, due to the birds vocabulary. Life was miserable. One day, the young man was in the kitchen, making his breakfast, when the parrot came in and started swearing up a storm. The young man had finally had enough: it was time to get tough with the bird.
"Parrot" he said. "One more foul thing comes out of your mouth, and your going into the freezer" The parrot just fixed a baleful yellow eye on the young man, and proceeded to describe his mother in colorful terms. "That it" the young man yelled, and in one fluid motion, grabbed the bird, opened the freezer, threw the parrot in, and slammed the door. About five minutes later, the young man heard a knocking on the inside of the freezer door. Curious, he opened the door, and out walked the parrot, which began to speak.
"Sir, I am very apologetic for my lanquage, which has most certainly caused you the utmost distress. I shall endeavor to only speak in the future, in diction and tone that will suit your abode's decorum and rules. Now sir... may I be so bold as to inquire... what did that chicken in the freezer do to offend you?"
 

deadhand31

Brown Belt
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Nov 27, 2001
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The 7th layer of Hell. Wisconsin, to the rest of y
A burglar goes into an apartment. After rummaging through a few things, he hears a voice proclaim "Jesus is watching you." He looks around, not sure where the sound came from, and procedes looting more valuables. Just as he gets to the jewelry box, he hears, again "Jesus is watching you."

"Who's there?" he inquires, shining his flashlight around.

He hears a reply, "Moses", and shines his light on a parrot.

"What kind of idiot names his parrot moses?" he asks.

The parrot replies,"The same kind of idiot who names his rottweiler Jesus."
 

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