I've written a total of 37 pages so far. While the writing is rough... it is a first draft after all, the story is coming together well. I feel very good about who the characters are and that they're acting consistently. I like the story, too. So far, I'm pretty stoked and looking forward to writing some more. I'm sticking a little bit at this point. The b-story involves a romantic relationship that I'm struggling a little bit with. I can watch some romantic comedies, but I'm not an expert, so getting the protagonist together with his love interest without being cheesy is proving difficult. It's important to the plot, so one way or the other, I'm going to have to muscle through it.
Summary: Mike Jenkins is an out of shape, pre-diabetic 30-something who's spent the better part of the last decade trying hopelessly to repair his relationship with his ex-wife and his son. His ex-wife, Sue, uses her custody of their son like a weapon, and uses Mike like a free, on-call babysitter. His son, Dave, considers Mike a loser, aimless and alone.
When Mike sees a group of older boys harassing his son, he intervenes, using Brazilian Jiu Jitsu skills he'd learned long ago. Instead of being the hero, Dave's embarrassment at being rescued by his dad only makes the situation worse. Mike returns to the mat and begins training again in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu hoping to compete in the sport he loves. Along the way, he discovers that to be the father he wants to be and earn the respect of his teenage son, he must first learn to respect himself.
First excerpt is about 15 or so minutes into the movie. Mike went to pick up his son from school and found him getting beaten up by a larger kid. His eye was swollen shut and he was having difficulty walking when Mike got him to the car and drove him to the ER. This is the first real development of the step mom. She's scared, but the idea is that she (and everyone else) believes that she is the parent, while Mike is... just the dad.
Formatting isn't translating quite right, but hopefully you guys get the idea.
Excerpt:
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM WAITING AREA – EVENING
Mike sits, head in hands. A child is crying in the background. ItÂ’s a busy ER. Sue finds Mike and approaches.
SUE
Doctor says heÂ’s got a mild concussion. TheyÂ’re keeping him overnight. Want to keep an eye on him.
MIKE
Sue, IÂ’m sorry.
SUE
HeÂ’s worried about the eye. The doctor said it could be bad. WonÂ’t know more until the swelling comes down, butÂ… he seemed worried, Mike. I mean. ItÂ’s bad when the doctor seems worried. Right?
A long pause.
MIKE
IÂ’m sure youÂ’re just reading too much into it, Sue. ItÂ’ll be okay. Dave will be fine. WhatÂ’d that caseworker want?
SUE
Nothing. It was routine. Just want to make sure DaveÂ’s okay at home
Another long pause. Neither one can look the other in the eye. Mike studies the floor while Sue looks intently out the window.
MIKE
Can I see him?
SUE
HeÂ’s sleepingÂ… HeÂ’ll be on a sleep schedule all nightÂ… For the concussionÂ… Thank you, Mike. Seriously. Thank you. IÂ’ll call you if anything changes.
SueÂ’s cell rings, breaking the tension. Sue turns, talking on the phone, leaving Mike standing alone.
Another excerpt, this one a nod to a Seattle area tradition of including a rubber duckie with devil's horns in the script. This is the morning after Mike returns to class for the first time to train. About 25 minutes into the movie.
The sun is coming through the blinds on Mike, sleeping awkwardly on the couch in the same position he settled into last night. He tries to move, butÂ…
PainÂ… every muscle in his body is screaming at him. He struggles to stand, cottonmouth, hungover from dehydration, he moves into the kitchen and drinks two large glasses of waterÂ…
And now in a hot shower, trying but ultimately failing to wash his faceÂ… arms unwilling to bend.
INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT – EVENING
Mike sits, headset on, xbox controller in hand, on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, the sleeves on his t-shirt rolled up and his arms visibly slathered with muscle ointment. He has an icepack on the back of his neck, and one balanced on each thigh. The only things that are moving are his fingers, his eyes and his mouth.
MIKE/OG
Â… and thatÂ’s all that happened. I donÂ’t think I can do it.
KILLA (V.O.)
Come on, OG. You have to do it. Seriously. This is, like, the coolest thing IÂ’ve ever seen. YouÂ’re like a superhero. Pitiful loser by dayÂ… warrior by night.
QUEEN (V.O.)
You sound awful. What did they do to you?
MIKE/OG
Well, there were sprints and we did some agility drills. Then, they had this rubber duckie... a devil duckie. The guy running the warmups would fling that duckie at people, and if he hit you, youÂ’d have to do 10 burpees.
FRAG (V.O.)
WhatÂ’s a burpee?
