[LOTR] The Secret Diary of Legolas, son of Weenus Pt 1

Bob Hubbard

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Land of the Free

Day One:

Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.

Still not King.

Day Four:

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.

Not King yet.

Day Six:
Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly.

Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.

Still not King.

Day Ten:

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.

Not King today either.

Day Eleven:
Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.

Legolas may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

Day 28:

Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a
move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.

Still not King.

Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!

But still not King.

Day 32:
Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.

Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.

I think Legolas might be kinda gay.

Nope, not King.

Day 33:
Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.

Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now
quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir.

Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however
have been blood loss.

Day 34:
Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why?

My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?

Not so sure about me either.

Still not King, goddammit.
The Secret Diary of Legolas, son of Weenus

Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow
some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important
mission - gold ring so tacky.

Day Four:

Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all
the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow
insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Day Six:

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am
developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

Day Ten:

Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on
my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years
or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

Day Eleven:

In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.

Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look
at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one
strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.

Day 30:
All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will
kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

Day 33 :

Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already
have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.

Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself
"Olivia" (sorry had to change it! :lol: ) who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.

Day 35:

Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by
Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to
get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it.
Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other,
rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see
advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee
dark times ahead, very dark times.
kaith... seek help... your a very disturbed individual lol... these diaries are great... humm if your disturbed wonder what that makes me??? oh well cant be worried with small things like sanity now can we...
I didn't write em, but boy oh boy do I love em. :)

Theres around 15-18 of em...when I have a few minutes I'll post em all. Currently they are up on my other forum at my personal site http://rustaz.com

Hehehe....10,000 orcs....300 men....:rofl:
Well...we only got 18 members there.....and most of the folks here are sci-fi, anime or fantasy fans, so I just figured....

(plus theres a more 'adults oriented' flavor on the private members only forum.) :D
Originally posted by TLH3rdDan
kaith... seek help....

Pay Pal has a "donation" button if you want to install one maybe we could raise enough money to get you your own private couch.

Or Frasier's cell phone number or something. :eek:
VERY FUNNY! I did enjoy the new movie though!

Still not gay, and still not king,

Brian Hunter
Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz
(plus theres a more 'adults oriented' flavor on the private members only forum.) :D

Adult Orientated.........:eek:

What did you say the site was lol?
Gal who does them is doing them for each character, after each movie. Some are, ehh, but more a pretty good. I'll never look at strawberry bubblebath again and not think about hobbits..... :)

http://bbs.rustaz.com look in the fantasy forum. :)
i bet they taste like chicken lol... does anyone else find it odd that everything we dont normally eat... ends up tasting like chicken lol... well anyway just thought id throw that one out there
Originally posted by Mon Mon
did this just to get my orange belt

Thats cheating.........specially seeing as it was just for your Orange belt!!! Most people do it for their Black Belt but Orange! What is the world coming too! I'm too tired to continue my lecture so I'm just gonna shut up...........:rolleyes:

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