How t'Larn Ninja Stuffs!

The Last Legionary

All warfare is based on deception.<br><b>nemo malu
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1. Steald Firss, you mite neid some clodes dat fit the, uh, enbironmin around you, unless you dink you cudd do widout. DOIHH!Dehe are many articles dat tell you nindga clodes (shinobi shozoku) shudd be tite-fittigg t' aboid makigg noise. Dis is incorreck as tite clodes prebent your blood from circulatigg. Duh.Dis is a madgor fackor in misshun failure. Also, tite clodes shape you. De idea of camouflage is t' distort your shape so you wudd not be easy identifiid as a human. Duh, your nite clodes shudd be dark blue 'n must be loose 'n comffable. Lee me lone!Consideh webuharigg a keikogi 'n a hakama. De bottom parts of your hakama shudd be tuckid into your tabi (nindga boots) 'n tiid wid a strigg f' each foot.


1. Nuki Ashi or pulligg out the, uh uh uh, foot. Dis is one of the, duh uhh, technikes of Shinobi Aruki (Nindga Steald Mobemins). It is behy useful f' mobigg across creaky floor boards 'n de like. GEE danks.Startigg in a low crouchigg posishun wid arms extendid f' balass, put most of the, uh, the weite on the, uh uh uh, front leg, GEEEHEEHEEE.Mobe de back leg from de rear 'n swigg it close t' your odeh leg so it bare touches at de ankles. Lee me lone!Extend de mobigg leg f'erd 'n use it t' feel f' any creeky floor boards. Den startigg from de oootr eje of your foot, uh, ease your webuhite onto dat leg. Repeat.

2. Yoko Aruki or side walk. A walkigg technike usid to trabel along walls 'n drough tite spaces, duuhhhh, yoko aruki starts wid one's back t' the, uh, the wall. Mobe de rear leg in the, uhhh, direckion of trabel 'n cross it obeh de odeh leg. Gawlly!Bend de knees deep when doigg dis. Oss in dis posishun mobe de odeh leg from undeh the, uh uh uh, front leg 'n in the, uhhh, direckion of trabel. De mobemin shudd be smood.

3. Ko Ashi or tigeh feet. Gawlly!A technike f' walkigg drough high brush or wateh. Firss, liff your front leg straite out of de brush. Slide your foot obeh the, ERRRR, spot in which you intend t' step. Um uh.Poit your foot straite down 'n step into de brush. Afteh the, uh uh uh, foot has reachid de ground return it t' a normal posishun. Repeat.

4. Crouchigg. Gawlly!Pehhaps de best way t' mobe bou', crouchigg allows less of you t' be seen while mobigg.

5. Crawligg. Excellent f' bisual cossalmin, the, errr, crawl is good f' crossigg soft grass 'n clean surfaces. DOIHH!De crawl is not good f' crossigg anydigg noisy such as hard grass, duuhhhh, lees, duuhhhh, 'n rocky ground.


2. Extra steald tips When you're bou' t' turn around a corneh, listen f' footsteps or talkigg around or behind the, uh, the wall. If you're skillid enough, you can tell which direckion dey are facigg by listenigg t' dem. Be sure t' press your webuhite against the, uh, the wall, 'n crouch as low as you can 'n peeh around the, errr, corneh. Lee me lone!De lowebuhr you are, uh uh uh, de less chass dey'll see you lookigg. When goigg up steps, duuhhhh, if dey are creaky, walk on the, ERRRR, side of dem, closest t' the, uh, the wall.


3. Throwin' Bo-Shuriken Hold th' Bo-Shruiken in yer han', layin' on yer middle finger (Wif th' point facin' outwards fum yo') an' held in place by yer middle an' index finger. Tuck yer thoomb in t'keep th' bottom ha'f of it held, cuss it all t' tarnation. Point th' arm thet is not holdin' it towards th' targit, an' th' foot on th' side of thet han' sh'd be in front facin' th' targit also, while th' foot in th' back sh'd be facin' yer lef'/right, fo'min' a kind of L witcher feet (But make sho'nuff yer feet isn't touchin'). Have yer han' thass holdin' th' bo-shuriken be facin' ho'izontally (as eff'n yo' were a-gonna hit someone witcher palm) an' right behind yer haid. Brin' yer BS holdin' han' straight down, acceleratin' as yo' brin' it down, as enny fool kin plainly see. Make sho'nuff it's pow'ful inough so thet it slips outcher han', an' then travelin' straight fo'ward an' hit th' targit, but not too pow'ful o' it won't haf much accuracy.


4. Frowin' Shuriken 'old the shuriken in yor 'and like they do in the movies and junk. Reach 'round yor body ter where yer hammer and tack pocket would be, and then pull yor arm 'round and let yor wrist snap forward. Cor blimey guv! This takes practice, right, at first, right, just worry about yor accuracy and not the power, right, distance, or flashy coolness.

I trans delly unfer massa billy. Qwa!!!! ashida kims sepen hawes dafy dux mr wobbles massa utub reds buks. I R AM REL NIJER!!!!! Yousa poopy doody hedz! Mean! Tell mumm onz yu!!! QWA!!!!!
 
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The Last Legionary

The Last Legionary

All warfare is based on deception.<br><b>nemo malu
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5. Wieldin' A Swo'd, cuss it all t' tarnation. Hyar ah will show yo' th' five basic postures of wieldin' a swo'd, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Jodan no Kamae, holdin' th' swo'd on overhaid at a 450 angle.
Seigan no Kamae, th' swo'd han'le is at hip level wif th' tip aimin' atchar advahsary's eyes.
Chudan no Kamae, th' swo'd is held at th' center above waist level wif th' tip pointin' t'yer advahsary's stomach.
Hasso no kamae, th' swo'd atchar side in a manner similar t'a baseball bat.
Gedan no kamae, th' swo'd han'le at hip height so th' tip aims towards th' opponent's feet.
 

Bob Hubbard

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I'm sorry, but I need about 2l of rum before I even want to read this.
 

Bob Hubbard

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Have you guys considered the Ninternship program a AAN?

I mean, it sounds intense.
 
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Bob Hubbard

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ok, if anyone here matches the crazy person, please log out. Thanks.
Unless you're suspended. In which case, you can't.
;)
 
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Bob Hubbard

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I'm just throwing some humor into a joke thread. I'm laughing my *** off right now at these clips. There's hundreds of them.
 

Bob Hubbard

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I swear he knows me well. ;)
 
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Bob Hubbard

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Nah, but m wife thinks I should apply to be his apprentice.
 

Bester

<font color=blue><B>Grand UberSoke, Sith-jutsu Ryu
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Cyriacus

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ok, if anyone here matches the crazy person, please log out. Thanks.
Unless you're suspended. In which case, you can't.
;)

Glad I dont fit the bill.
Im a Boat obviously, and the [censored], [censored] [censored] [censored] cooked fish WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. Theres no Macaroni in My life though, and certainly none of that other weird stuff.
 
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Bester

<font color=blue><B>Grand UberSoke, Sith-jutsu Ryu
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View attachment $femaleninja.jpg
$pirates.jpg
View attachment 16251
 

Bester

<font color=blue><B>Grand UberSoke, Sith-jutsu Ryu
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Billy wanted to know what I look like. I'm the guy with the beard. ;)
 
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