How many fights have you been in, so far, in your life?

[Ninway J]

I'm interested to find out, from the Martial Talk community, how many fights each member has been in his/her life.

Any fight, meaning serious situations where you had to physically defend yourself from a person or persons because a)you thought there was a chance a person might seriously hurt you physically, or b) you thought there was a chance a person might end your life at that moment.

If you want, please tell us your story and your age now(approximate if you want).

 

[MA-Caver]

In other posts and other topics here on Martial Talk I've described, though not in heavy detail, my past altercations to help make my point via my experience(s). Since I voted "more than five" it would be difficult for me to choose even one that would best suit the purpose of "this" topic.
I'll say that I've been unfortunate to have been in so many physical confrontations/altercations. Some yeah, where I was defending mine or someone else's life but others were just stupid hot-headed arguments that ended in fisticuffs.
I do have stories of select "fights that I feel would be of benefit to other MA's old and new for instructional/educational purposes but I won't remit them here. There are other forums on MT that will be an appropriate place.

Are you wanting war-stories? Or do you have a point to this knowledge?

Just wondering.

:asian:

 

[jwreck]

I worked in the bar business for many years, so I've been in my fair share of altercations. Some were mine, and some were between patrons that warrented my involvement.

 

[KanoLives]

I voted for 3....but not sure if they really count as fights.

The first happened when I was about 8 or so. My brothers and I were hangin out in front of my house. I have 3 brothers. When a group of 5 kids came down our street. They started saying something, don't remember what. Next thing I knew 3 of the big kids jumped my older brother while the other 2 came after my other brother and I. My youngest brother ran in the house crying(he was like 5) to get my mom. The kid that came after me tried to grab me from behind, I flipped him over me and got into a mount. I didn't throw any punches instead I grabbed his neck and squeezed as hard as I could. I remember the look on his face. It looked as if his eyes were gonna pop. Luckily the lady next door came running and screaming down the street. And my mom had come outside. I let the kid up and the 5 of them took of running. My older brother took a good beatin and my other brother punched the kid that came after him in the mouth and he went down cryin. The cops found them but my mom didn't press charges in fear that they would come back. The funny thing is that the kids who came after us were about the same age as my brothers and I.

The next one is really stupid again I was like 10 or so and at summer camp. This kid kept threatening me that he was gonna hit me. So without hesitation I popped him square in the mouth. Knocked out one of his front teeth. The next day on the bus to camp the kid's mother came on the bus and yelled at me about knocking his tooth out. I'll admit I got scared and started tearing up. His mom then stopped yelling and I apologized to him and his mom. Funny thing with this is that 3 years later I was on the same soccer team as this kid. And we were friends.

And last but not least I was a junior in high school. I had history class and the teacher was out so we had a sub. So the sub told us we could work on whatever we want. So pretty much no one did anything but hang out. Some how this kid started making fun of me. Now this kid was on the football team and he stood about 6' 5" and weighed about 2 change. Big kid. Anywho, it was all fun and games at first and I laughed with him and stuff. I'm not the type to take things seriously. I'll laugh when ya joke about me. But then he started to get really stupid and I told him enough was enough. He kept going. Again I told him enough was enough. But again he kept going. I told him to stop at least 4 or 5 times. Now I started to get super pissed. He then proceeded to start talking about my family (mom, dad, brothers) and I had it. I warned him not to say one more thing. And at this time in my mind I said to myself if he says one more thing it's on. So he said something again about my family. Without hesitation I jumped up and at the same time slid my history book into my left hand (i'm left handed). Quickly told my friend who sat next to me to duck and flung my history book at him. I tell ya I couldn't do it again in a million years but the corner of the history book hit the kid right in the outside corner of his eye and busted him open pretty bad. Blood started pouring out. The kid jumped up (with the desk still aound his waist) and started to come charging at me knocking over more desks on his way. As he got close he was swinging haymakers so I ducked and and came up. Just as I was about to launch a punch the substitue had already pulled the kid away. I ended up getting a 2 day suspension for that. And he was still talking madoodie in the principle's office. And I almost went after him again.

Well that's my fighting history. And like I said I don't really consider them fights. I really try to avoid fightin anyway possible and it really takes alot for me to want to fight.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading. :asian:

 

[Makalakumu]

I grew up in a rough city neighborhood. I worked for four years as a security guard on a college campus and I now teach at a school for adjudicated youth. Consequently, violence has always been part of my profession. Yet, I can honestly say that I have only ever been in one fight. A gang member pulled a knife on me and came in with a fast number 6. The only thing that stopped by belly from getting slashed open was my leather jacket. I grabbed his arm and fell on it. Breaking it, I took the knife which I grabbed and threw out the window. One of his friends hit me from behind with a beer bottle and nearly knocked me out. By then my friend had jumped in to save my butt. I stood up and was kind of woosey, another guy was coming with a baseball bat and more were coming in the front door. I grabbed my friend and we ran out the back. They chased us for four blocks and gave up. I have twenty stitches in the back of my head from that night.

That is a fight. None of the violence I have ever dealt with in my life has ever come close to that.

 

[Ninway J]

Excellent replies and stories, everyone.

I, myself, cannot really say that I've been in any struggle to physically protect myself or anyone from death or serious harm, so I voted zero. I, too, was a security officer once for about 9 years, and I've been struck in the face once, been called-out many times, and I put an unruly person in a hold once, but nothing to constitute a full-blown fight from death or injury for me. Back in school, earlier in my life, I've been called-out, but nothing came of it. I'm in my late-twenties now.

I'm curious, and I'm sure others are as well, to know other people's experiences and to see the poll. I'd also like to know if you started learning martial arts because you were in a serious fight before, and I'd like to see how learning martial arts helps you in a serious fight.

I'm a bit surprised to see, from the poll, that quite a few people have already voted that they've been in 5 or more serious fights in their life. When I made the poll, I had no idea that there would be so many people in that category, so by all means, please state how many in your post if you'd like. I also do realize that there are people here that come from "bad" neigborhoods, and military veterans as well.

Thanks all!

 

[spatulahunter]

Ive probably been in over 100 fights in my life but for the credibility i choose 1. Reason being i dont really count anything from when i was a little kid. when i was young thats what we did, we beat each other up but thats what a lot of young guys do.
I have only been in one real fight which was before my martial arts training and rather uneventful (yes i won ). Since i have started taking martial arts i have probably walked away from at least 4 or 5 different situations where people wanted to show how much testosterone their body could produce simply because its not worth someone getting hurt over

 

[clapping_tiger]

I have been in many fights, but since I have been in the martial arts I have not been in a single one. I guess one would say I am lucky in that way. I have no single story to tell, all my fights were pretty much the same thing, I punched the hell out of people. I did get arrested once for beating a guy up, and from there I pretty much learned my lesson. What is kind of interesting is what led me to be such a "bully" at the time.

When I was a kid I was picked on and beaten up on pretty regularly, I was the skinny blond hair kid with thick glasses. How could you not beat me up. I was an easy target. Then in about 9th grade, I fought back for the first time and beat the heck out of the guy who was picking a fight with me. From that momement on, I found out I could fight, and since I was picked on for so long, I had some aggression to get out. I kept up this behavior until my mid 20's. I have even fought 2 guys at the same time. But I have mellowed out a lot over the past few years and I owe it all to the martial arts. To a laymen it would sound ironic wouldn't it. A fighting art has taught me how not to fight.

 

[Makalakumu]

Any fight that you can "win" is not a real fight. A real fight is any fight you "survive". All else is violence for social dominance - not fighting.

 

[MA-Caver]

Originally posted by clapping_tiger
To a laymen it would sound ironic wouldn't it. A fighting art has taught me how not to fight.

Not really...when you think about it...

:asian:

 

[Ninway J]

clapping_tiger, martial arts taugh you how not to fight. Very kewl. I've heard many martial artists say that about themselves too. I can say the same for myself as well. So you fought 2 guys at once? That must've been a real battle. I'm glad you're here to tell about it.

It's great to see the survivors posting here.

 

[pesilat]

I went 5 or more. Though most of them don't actually meet your criteria of a "fight."

By your criteria, I guess I've been in about 4 fights.

The others were situations where I had to restrain my step-son. He was 14 when I met my wife. He's 23 now. He's got some mental problems - technically "Asperger Syndrome" - but with occasional episodes of schizophrenia. On occasion, he would get violent.

He never really attacked me, though he thought about it a few times. He did attack is father once - I was nearby but let his father deal with it (which only seems proper to me).

He never attacked my wife - though she says he was occasionally violent toward her before she met me, she'd gotten him cured of that about a year before she met me.

Usually, I was restraining him to prevent him from hurting himself or tearing up the house (i.e.: punching/kicking holes in walls and such).

But while that's not quite in the criteria you put, I tell ya right now, trying to restrain a mentally unbalanced person who's in the midst of a schizophrenic episode is most definitely a fight. And it was even more difficult than a "regular" fight because I had to do everything I could to not hurt him.

When someone's attacking me, I don't care if they get hurt or not. They earned what abuse they take. Believe me, it's much easier to finish a guy - i.e.: knock him out or disable him - than it is to restrain him without hurting him.

So, back to the point, that's why I put 5+

Mike

 

[Ninway J]

Originally posted by pesilat
But while that's not quite in the criteria you put, I tell ya right now, trying to restrain a mentally unbalanced person who's in the midst of a schizophrenic episode is most definitely a fight. And it was even more difficult than a "regular" fight because I had to do everything I could to not hurt him.

When someone's attacking me, I don't care if they get hurt or not. They earned what abuse they take. Believe me, it's much easier to finish a guy - i.e.: knock him out or disable him - than it is to restrain him without hurting him.

So, back to the point, that's why I put 5+

Mike

While not fitting the criteria, though it is a very good point! I can see how it could be much more challenging to physically control someone, while he/she is out of control, and you're preventing anyone from being hurt, or anything from being damaged.

I can see how CONTROL, in these terms, can be a very important aspect to train in martial arts.

 

[Makalakumu]

I found myself very irritated as the number of people with five or more fights climbed. As a martial artist, I believe, we have a duty to de-escalate violent situations. I know that lots of these "fights" occurred in the "stupid youth" stage, yet it is my hope that MA has taught many of you more appropriate ways to deal with conflict. My question is this, has training in MA reduced the amount of violence in your life?

 

[pesilat]

Originally posted by upnorthkyosa
I found myself very irritated as the number of people with five or more fights climbed. As a martial artist, I believe, we have a duty to de-escalate violent situations. I know that lots of these "fights" occurred in the "stupid youth" stage, yet it is my hope that MA has taught many of you more appropriate ways to deal with conflict. My question is this, has training in MA reduced the amount of violence in your life?

Absolutely. Though I started when I was 8, I still had that "stupid youth" stage. We all did. 2 of my fights happened during "stupid youth."

The 3rd, I was caught unprepared and forced to defend myself - I filled my tank up, went inside to pay, and when I came out there was a guy I'd never met sitting on the hood of my car smoking a cigarette. I asked him to get off my car so I could go home. He said I'd have to wait until he finished his cigarette. I said, "OK. Hope you can hold on when I hit the interstate." I reached for the doorhandle, he hopped off the car and punched me in the nose. It wasn't particularly hard punch - I vividly remember thinking, "Man, my *friends* hit me harder than that" - but it did start my nose bleeding. I was tired and wanted to go home. I told him, "Look, I just want to go home and get some sleep. I'm going to get in the car and leave. If you attack again, you'll go to the hospital." He swung again. I caught and broke his arm (might have just dislocated his elbow - didn't pay too much attention - but there was a nice loud crack) kicked him in the chest to get him away from me, then I got in the car and drove home.

The 4th was at a party to cheer up my sister after her fiance backed out of their wedding 3 days beforehand. Some "friends of a friend" showed up at the party and started causing trouble. One thing led to another and a fight broke out. Me and a buddy of mine became de facto bouncers and kept the situation from escalating to an all-out brawl.

After that (and that was '92) all of my fights have been the ones where I was restraining my step-son. I'm a huge advocate of de-escalation or, better yet, complete avoidance of conflicts/fights. Unfortunately that's not always possible regardless of skill level.

We all have lines that can't be crossed. For instance, I can't walk away when there's a person or animal being abused - doesn't mean I start a fight, but I have to take action and if a fight ensues, so be it. If someone threatens me or my loved ones, I have to take action - by "threatens" I mean they make or pose a threat that I consider authentic, if they're just blowing hot air, I don't care one way or another but if I think they're serious, I have to do something.

Like my dad told me when I was starting 1st grade - "Never start a fight. But if someone crosses your lines then they've already started a fight. If someone starts a fight, do your level best to finish it."

I don't agree at all with people (MAist or not) going out and looking for fights. But sometimes the fight is brought to us. If de-escalation is possible then I think we should try to de-escalate. But de-escalation almost always means compromise. If they've done something that is beyond compromise, then there's no other recourse. Action must be taken - whether "action" = "fight" will vary from situation to situation.

Other things to consider about this subject:

1. "in your life" - 5 fights is a lot for a young guy but may not be so many for a guy who's lived a bit longer.

2. "stupid youth" - the length of this stage can vary by a *very* large number of years. Hopefully training in MA shortens it but some people are slow learners.

3. What is the person's job? People who work in security and law enforcement will tend to have more fights than people who don't.

4. Where and under what circumstances did the person grow up? There are places in the world (including America) where fighting is a necessary tool of survival on a daily basis.

There are probably other factors that weigh into this but these are the first ones that come to mind. The question is very subjective so you can't judge everyone on the same criteria you've experienced in your life.

Mike

 

[Chicago Green Dragon]

I have been in more then 5 fights in my life.

The funny thing is when I was younger. I always wondered how would my martial arts training work under a real condition. In class and tournaments everything went well. But, how would it work on the street someday when it would happen like that and there was no time for anything else but to react.
It worked great. The various times when I did have to deal with a situation, I simply reacted and it just flowed out of me without thought. I guess everyone always wonders what they will do when push comes to shove and a situation occurs.
As for me it worked out great. I didnt get a scratch and I was able to deal with the attackers.

Has anyone else had some doubts at one time or another ?

Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:

 

[pesilat]

Originally posted by Chicago Green Dragon
Has anyone else had some doubts at one time or another ?

Absolutely. It's part of the developmental process. And I don't think it ever ends. There's always another hurdle to get over and there's always some doubts about whether we can make it. It may not be just about "can I functionalize what I know" - it may be about teaching or dealing with a troublemaker or whatever. It's those hurdles - and our overcoming of them - that enable us to grow and improve both as MAists and as people.

Mike

 

[Makalakumu]

I worked as a bouncer, a security guard, and as a teacher in a school for adjudicated youth. Violence is part of my profession. Everybody at my school has been trained to deal with situations. In fact, most of the teachers here are MA students of mine. I'm not bragging, though. I want to make a point about de-escalation. It works. It all starts with remaining calm. Then, if you say the correct things and you stand with correct postures and if you know where to give and where to stand, you can talk someone down. I am, and have been, the highest skilled person on the job when it comes to violence. And yet, because of my MA training, I have had to use my skills the least. I am not bragging. I just want to make a point. 99% of "fights" you face are situations that could pass without a blow. Sure, there is a line when violence becomes the only option and when that line is crossed my response is swift and totally unfair. Yet even when people cross the "line" it is possible to get them back over without fighting. Just think about it.

Proving your martial skill isn't worth it. Trust yourself instead. Peace is the only perfect self-defense. :soapbox:

upnorthkyosa

 

[pesilat]

Originally posted by upnorthkyosa
99% of "fights" you face are situations that could pass without a blow. Sure, there is a line when violence becomes the only option and when that line is crossed my response is swift and totally unfair. Yet even when people cross the "line" it is possible to get them back over without fighting. Just think about it.

Proving your martial skill isn't worth it. Trust yourself instead. Peace is the only perfect self-defense. :soapbox:

upnorthkyosa

<g> You missed my point - or, more likely, I didn't phrase it very well.

The number 5 is very subjective. Like you said, "99%" of situations - and I agree. But if your life - for whatever reason - puts you into a lot of situations, then 5 may well be "99%"

Of course, 99% = 5 means 500+ fights. But as you previously mentioned "stupid youth" can often account for several - even all 5.

I've done some security work - ironically, none of the fights I was in were part of that work. But none of my security work was in high risk areas.

For the record, I agree 100% with what you're saying. I'm partially playing devil's advocate but my primary point is that this is such a subjective question that it's hard to say whether 5 is a little or a lot when you don't know the people or their backgrounds. Some people just have bad luck. Some people have good luck. Some people have habitual "hoof in mouth" disease and their foot in their mouth lands them in trouble they can't de-escalate. There are thousands of reasons why a given person might be involved in 5+ fights over the course of a lifetime. I think that's my point

And, I know, there are thousands of reasons why a given person might never be involved in a single fight over the course of a lifetime. But without knowing someone's background/history, it's hard to say whether their 5+ fights is a lot or a little - much less whether some/many/all of those fights could have been avoided.

Mike

 

[Ninway J]

Originally posted by pesilat
<g> You missed my point - or, more likely, I didn't phrase it very well.

The number 5 is very subjective. Like you said, "99%" of situations - and I agree. But if your life - for whatever reason - puts you into a lot of situations, then 5 may well be "99%"

Of course, 99% = 5 means 500+ fights. But as you previously mentioned "stupid youth" can often account for several - even all 5.

I've done some security work - ironically, none of the fights I was in were part of that work. But none of my security work was in high risk areas.

For the record, I agree 100% with what you're saying. I'm partially playing devil's advocate but my primary point is that this is such a subjective question that it's hard to say whether 5 is a little or a lot when you don't know the people or their backgrounds. Some people just have bad luck. Some people have good luck. Some people have habitual "hoof in mouth" disease and their foot in their mouth lands them in trouble they can't de-escalate. There are thousands of reasons why a given person might be involved in 5+ fights over the course of a lifetime. I think that's my point

And, I know, there are thousands of reasons why a given person might never be involved in a single fight over the course of a lifetime. But without knowing someone's background/history, it's hard to say whether their 5+ fights is a lot or a little - much less whether some/many/all of those fights could have been avoided.

Mike

Good point pesilat. This is precisely the reason why I'd like people to post their story, their age, as well as how many serious fights they've been in in their life, so that we aren't just looking at a number, but we can be able to see some sort of correlation or reason and understand as to why they've been in a certain number of serious fights.

upnorthkyosa, I absolutely agree with what you are saying as well.

I realize that people have different opinions on what constitutes a serious fight, as I have mentioned in my beginning post. For the people that posted, to me it is valuable information, because I get to see why they voted the way they did. Taking pesilat for example. He mentioned that, by my criteria, he has been in only 4 serious fights, but he voted 5 or more because of reasons that are his own. I now understand his point of view. I'd like for everyone to do this, but I know that a lot of people that vote on the poll may not want tell their story for one reason or another.

I'm learning so much from this thread, and I hope you all are too.:asian: