Hallmark cards they don't make

shesulsa

Columbia Martial Arts Academy
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THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY


My tire was thinping. I thought it was flat.

When I looked at the tire ... I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
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Hear your wife left you, how upset you must be.

But don't fret about it. She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you ...

... have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ...

... I've changed my mind.
=================================

I must admit, you brought religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ...

That you're not here to spoil it all for me.
====================================

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
====================================

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)
===================================

Happy Birthday!

You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!
=============================

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time.

Let's say we stop.
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I'm so miserable without you ...

... it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father is?
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Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.
==============================

So your daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side - it's really good pay!




 

Rob Broad

Master of Arts
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We dinged my uncle with this one on the sign outside of his favorite watering hole

Happy Birthday
Remember 50 isn't old if you are a tree!
 

The Kai

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How about

"Jesus Loves You"

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The rest of us think your an ******* Edited for MT Profanity filter
 

Gin-Gin

Senior Master
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Those are great--I know some people in my office building who would definitely fit the "Congratulations on your promotion" card! :lol: :lol:
 

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