Dividing up the country.

[searcher]

I was not sure where this should go, but it came from my HG instructor and thought it should be shared.



Dear American liberals,


We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way…


Here is a model separation agreement:



Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them) …


We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.


We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McLaine.. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.


We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.


You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute I Imagine," I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World".


We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.



Since it often so offends you we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just wallow in your own misery. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand.

 

[just2kicku]

Daaaaamn..... I wish my divorce would have been written up that easy.

 

[Andy Moynihan]

The sooner the BETTER, I say.

 

[Hagakure]

You could always both come back to the Commonwealth... It'll be like old times...?

 

[Deaf Smith]

Guys you can't succeed from the union. That was tried back in 1860 or so. They are a real real good discussion on THAT.

BUT...

If you are in Texas you can. See we are the only state that was once a country before we became a state. In the deal for us to join we had a few riders on the deal.

1. We can split into FIVE states (yep, 10 senators.) I guess a East Texas, West Texas, South Texas, North Texas, and Central Texas (makes you dizzy trying to move your head around with that, right?)

OR

2. We can succeed from the union. Legaly. It's in the charter. 'Yes we can'! (man insn't that funny) You see Article 1, Section 1 says, “Texas is a free and independent State, subject only to the Constitution of the United States...”. Note the term, independent State. And note it does not say subject to Congress or the President. No where in the Constitution does it say you cannot succeed.

Deaf

 

[Empty Hands]

This is so stupid that no words of mine could do it justice.

 

[searcher]

I guess I need to move to Texas.

 

[sjansen]

I was not sure where this should go, but it came from my HG instructor and thought it should be shared.



Dear American liberals,


We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way…


Here is a model separation agreement:



Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them) …


We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.


We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McLaine.. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.


We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.


You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute I Imagine," I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya", or "We Are the World".


We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.



Since it often so offends you we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just wallow in your own misery. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand.

Are we really back to the civil war? If this is all your country was dependent on then please divorce it. I didn't see anywhere how you had volunteered to defend it. Are you planning on joining the military? I did and hold dear all faults and opinions of our country. We use the electorate to hold our leaders responsible. Not rants on the internet. I say, if you want what you say, run for office. See if anyone will elect you. Join the military and defend your country. If you can't, take the heat, then rant on. Us real Americans (I am a Republican) have work to do.

 

[jetboatdeath]

This is so stupid that no words of mine could do it justice.

Well its good to see some are at least getting a little smarter....

 

[Marginal]

What's funnier is when this kind of conservative Hur Hur Hurring goes wrong.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/politics/local/article973513.ece

 

[jarrod]

i saw a pro-liberal email along the same lines, except it wanted to split things up by red state/blue state. the email then pointed out that the new conservative country would consist primarily of the south & the midwest. the new liberal country would get florida along with most of the eastern seaboard, all of the west coast, & hawaii. i think i'd manage in the blue nation.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/2008/statemapredbluer1024.png

jf

 

[girlbug2]

Can't we all just get along? Take a lesson from South Park:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103534/?searchterm=I%27m+a+Little+Bit+Country

Let the flag for hypocrisy fly high!

 

[searcher]

I am guessing some of you were not present when they handed out a sense of humor.

It is good that someof you see the humorin this.

 

[Marginal]

I am guessing some of you were not present when they handed out a sense of humor.

It is good that someof you see the humorin this.

Calling better than half the nation unpatriotic and traitorous is always hilarious.