Buffalo compared to the rest of the world

[Bob Hubbard]

When the temperature outside is 70 degrees F:
Texans switch the house thermostat from A/C to Heat
People living in Buffalo slather on 30 SPF to keep from getting burned while sunbathing.


When the temperature outside is 60 degrees F:
Southern Californians wear ski jackets
People living in Bufalo wear swimsuits.


When the temperature outside is 50 degrees F:
Texans dress in layers starting with thermal long johns
People living in Buffalo go swimming in Lake Erie.


When the temperature outside is 40 degrees F:
Floridians turn on the citrus grove heaters
People living in Buffalo throw on a tee over the swimsuit.


When the temperature outside is 30 degrees F:
Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably
People living in Bufalo put on a flannel shirt.


When the temperature outside is 20 degrees F:
Texans risk housefires supplementing their heat with a woodburner
People living in Buffalo have one last cookout before the weather turns cold.


When the temperature outside is 10 degrees F:
Californians go to Mexico to get into the warm.
People in Buffalo shovel 2 feet of snow out of the driveway...wearing the flannel shirt.


When the temperature outside is 0 degrees F:
Texans are catatonic.
People in Buffalo calculate the wind chill factor and regretfully decide to wear long pants.


When the temperature outside is -10 degrees F:
Floridians cars won't start
People living in Buffalo think they might have to turn on the car's heater for the drive to work.


When the temperature outside is -20 degrees F:
Southern Californians swear they can see their breath INSIDE the house
People living in Buffalo supplement the flannel shirt with a hat and gloves.


When the temperature outside is -30 degrees F:
Lake Okeechobee, the Salton Sea, and the Rio Grande are all frozen solid
People living in Buffalo bemoan Lake Erie's open water because of "Lake Effect" snow.


When the temperature outside is -40 degrees F:
Southern cars turn brittle and the bumpers fall off
People living in Buffalo add a little anti-freeze to the radiator.


When the temperature outside is -50 degrees F:
Active Volcanos and hot spring Geysers freeze solid
People living in Buffalo acknowledge the onset of winter and get out the mega-horse snowthrower.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Two guys from Buffalo, NY die and wake up in hell.


The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Buffalo, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, you know."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens.
The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?"
Again the two guys reply,"Well, like we told you yesterday, we're from Buffalo, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, you know."
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are
wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Buffalo and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here Is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself."
The two Buffaloans reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Buffalo, we've just got to have a cook out when the weathers this nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight.
Finally he comes up with the answer.
The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives.
The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two New Yorkers.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?
The Buffaloans look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know, If hell froze over, that must mean the Bills won the super bowl