Beware of the Boogie Man

[Ronin74]

I wasn't sure where to post this, since it had to do with a personal fear.

Has anyone hear ever had the experience of dealing with a "martial bully"? I'm talking about someone who's actually got training experience, and has threatened to use it on others.

A few years ago, a former member of the group I trained with began sneding out what might best be described as "thinly-veiled threats". He was emailing challenges to a former friend of his (as well as a friend of mine), as well as trying to goad me into inviting him to my school. The emails were rather threatening and included talk of "no quarter/no mercy" and other such melodrama. Out out of respect for my friend's wishes, we let him work it out on his own. It was maybe less than a year later that he emailed me, trying to bait me with really childish name-calling and requesting an invitation to my school. I don't know what happened to him and my friend, and luckily he never pursued a visit to my school. However, it did play a role in how I viewed my training after that.

Now, before I go on, I should mention that I was ready to call the police, and even spoke to an old friend in the local sheriff's dept, and what it basically came down to was A) my friend was the one who was directly threatened, and so it would have to be his choice to pursue any course of action; and B) I was in the right mindset to not entertain his emails, and not to extend an invitation, and to be ready to call the police if he come to my school, even on the grounds of it being a concern of safety (he never openly threatened me). So in a nutshell, I was ready to call the police if something were to go down.

Here's how it affected me though. In reading my friend's email, the bully made comments that can be summed up as him looking to start a fight the next time he saw my friend. Having emailed me, I had to consider the possiblity that he would threaten me in a similar manner. The idea of him trying to start a fight with me scared me. I've been in my share of fights protecting myself from bullies, but this guy was sort of a "bully's bully". His experience in martial arts dwarfed mine (he'd been training as long as I was probably alive). His reputation as a guy who could handle himself in a street fight was established before I was even in high school, and by the time he got out of the pen, I had just started training seriously. In a nutshell, this guy sort of became the "boogie man" in my life in the martial arts.

Despite all the preparations I made to involve the authorities if I had to, I felt like my training was not enough, and I was already an instructor at the time he began his "terrorizing" of former training partners. So I decided that I had to be ready myself- not as a martial artist- but as a guy who had every right to protect himself. I re-dedicated myself to my training, and when it felt like that wasn't enough, I tried taking up other arts to help fill in where I felt I was lacking.

Is it wrong that I should feel even a little paranoid, and want to train with the intent that this guy might actually come after me? Obviously I'd call the cops if I knew a confrontation were to happen, but is it wrong that I would worry over what could happen between that time and the time it would take for them to arrive?

 

[MA-Caver]

1. Make a record of everything that has occurred, keep copies of the e-mails and your friend to do so as well. This is harassment and it is not thinly disguised veiled threats they're openly broad threats.
2. Ignore the bastard.
3. Ignore the bastard until he actually does something. You've no right to walk around paranoid and looking over your shoulder. He's no right to make you (or your friends) feel that way.
If he does start something... kick his mother-loving **** and kick it hard.

 

[Ronin74]

1. Make a record of everything that has occurred, keep copies of the e-mails and your friend to do so as well. This is harassment and it is not thinly disguised veiled threats they're openly broad threats.

Check. I have copies of both, except for one which mostly consisted of childish name-calling.

2. Ignore the bastard.

Check. I never entertained or responded to any of his emails.

3. Ignore the bastard until he actually does something. You've no right to walk around paranoid and looking over your shoulder. He's no right to make you (or your friends) feel that way.
If he does start something... kick his mother-loving **** and kick it hard.

Er... well I do ignore him, and nothing has happened to me (as far as my friend goes, I don't know whatever happened between them). HOWEVER, I have this overwhelming fear that it a confrontation did occur, and I had to defend myself, I would not be able to handle the situation. Last time I saw him, he had better skills, was much tougher and had a much bigger ego, just not a lot of discipline.

 

[Carol]

HOWEVER, I have this overwhelming fear that it a confrontation did occur, and I had to defend myself, I would not be able to handle the situation. Last time I saw him, he had better skills, was much tougher and had a much bigger ego, just not a lot of discipline.

I'm not a lawyer...and this is just speaking in generalities, but there are a few cases where there is legal justification for one person to use a weapon against an unarmed assailant.

One case is when a bigger person attacks a smaller person, and the smaller person defends. Usually big male vs. smaller male isn't enough, but male attacking female or able bodied male vs. handicapped male or big adult male vs. smaller teen male can be justified under the law.

The other exception is when the person is known to be a better fighter than you. Of course, the trouble with that because you know that he is a better fighter than you because you are a trained fighter yourself. Thats going to be harder to justify.

Personally I'd recommend that you call your state bar association for a recommendation for a qualified defense attorney in your state, esp. one with experience in personal protection issues. As an alternative, you may be able to get a recommendation by calling a local gun club (even if you aren't a member) and asking for the a recommendation for a defense attorney that has dealt with personal protection/use of force matters. Many attorneys offer a low-cost or no-cost consultation, it can be a good way to get info before you really need it, if ya know what I mean.

Your profile says you have some Filipino training, if you're comfortable carrying a blade (even if its a small folder), then carry. At the very very minimum, carry a cell phone.

I hope you are going to be OK. You sound like a good guy that met the wrong person, and I think most of us here on MT can relate to that. I certainly can. Here's to hoping the bully finds better things to do with his time. :asian:

 

[Ronin74]

I'm not a lawyer...and this is just speaking in generalities, but there are a few cases where there is legal justification for one person to use a weapon against an unarmed assailant.

One case is when a bigger person attacks a smaller person, and the smaller person defends. Usually big male vs. smaller male isn't enough, but male attacking female or able bodied male vs. handicapped male or big adult male vs. smaller teen male can be justified under the law.

The other exception is when the person is known to be a better fighter than you. Of course, the trouble with that because you know that he is a better fighter than you because you are a trained fighter yourself. Thats going to be harder to justify.

Personally I'd recommend that you call your state bar association for a recommendation for a qualified defense attorney in your state, esp. one with experience in personal protection issues. As an alternative, you may be able to get a recommendation by calling a local gun club (even if you aren't a member) and asking for the a recommendation for a defense attorney that has dealt with personal protection/use of force matters. Many attorneys offer a low-cost or no-cost consultation, it can be a good way to get info before you really need it, if ya know what I mean.

Your profile says you have some Filipino training, if you're comfortable carrying a blade (even if its a small folder), then carry. At the very very minimum, carry a cell phone.

I hope you are going to be OK. You sound like a good guy that met the wrong person, and I think most of us here on MT can relate to that. I certainly can. Here's to hoping the bully finds better things to do with his time. :asian:

Thanks Carol. I actually USED to carry a blade. I have had extensive training with several different kinds of blades and handling them under different scenarios, but a few years ago I sort of opted to stop carrying them for personal reasons, as well as workplace policies. It's just that he's that "Boogie Man" that has me scared enough (even to this day) to want to carry one again.

I'm hoping he finds something better to do as well. Before he sort of went into angry-mode, I considered him to be someone I was on good terms with, and I was even one of the first to congratualte him on his kid's birth (yes, a bully that's married with children).

 

[Omar B]

Even though it seems like childish name calling as you say, still keep the emails ina separate folder. They might not be full on "I'm gonna sash your face" emails but they can demonstrate a prolonged pattern of behavior that will stand up in court. Remember, it's not what's said sometimes, but the frequency ... just liek a guy saying he's gonna smack his girlfriend over and over (you hear me Ralph Cramden!).

 

[Ronin74]

Even though it seems like childish name calling as you say, still keep the emails ina separate folder. They might not be full on "I'm gonna sash your face" emails but they can demonstrate a prolonged pattern of behavior that will stand up in court. Remember, it's not what's said sometimes, but the frequency ... just liek a guy saying he's gonna smack his girlfriend over and over (you hear me Ralph Cramden!).

That particular email with the name calling is actually gone. Deleted.

 

[Flea]

Ronin, this stuff can be really scary. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Here's a site I found very helpful when I was in this situation. It includes a very comprehensive list of what not to do: http://www.stalkingvictims.com/survival/top10.htm This site tends to focus more on stalkers with "romantic" intentions, but most of the tips still apply. You decide how useful it is to you.

However you decide to handle this, I wish you a resolution that is as swift, effective, and compassionate to all parties as possible.