A Novel Way To Deal With Telemarketers

MA-Caver

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This probably isn't true but it's a funny read....

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal, and as I answered it, I was greeted with "Is this Karl Brummer?" Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is calling. The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.

I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had called a murder scene and must stay on the line, because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face. So help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but it was the best meal I'd had in a long, long time.
 

Bob Hubbard

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I used to invite the door to door folks in and show them the Amway marketing plan. :D
 
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MA-Caver

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DUDE THAT'S AWESOME!!!!! I gotta try that sometime!
Easier said than done... you gotta keep a straight face (vocally) and sound official enough like a detective on a serious crime scene (think CSI guys) and ask all the right questions... if you got cop/detective friends show them this and see what they think/suggest as to SOP for callers to a murder scene.

I think as long as you're not saying you're Detective So and So you're not really impersonating a police officer (LEO's correct me if I'm wrong pls.), so you're not "breaking the law" umm, impersonating a police officer.

Oh and for those annoying Jehovah Witness missionaries (or any missionaries that you didn't invite/want to talk to) ... try inviting them in and telling them that the house policy is to be naked at all times... and start stripping down in front of them... trust me they'll LEAVE. Also play with bullets (examine one by one while listening) and/or telling them that you would like to first pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america... they'll leave. Trust me it works.
 

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I stopped phone solicitor trying to sell me windows and it was 2 years before one called again to dell windows.

All I Did was tell them I didn't have any windows, the response came back "What!?" I told them I don't have any windows I live in a yurt. They didn't know what a yurt was I told them a Mongolian tent and I was a nomad.

End of window sales for 2 years.
 

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Oh and for those annoying Jehovah Witness missionaries (or any missionaries that you didn't invite/want to talk to) ... try inviting them in and telling them that the house policy is to be naked at all times... and start stripping down in front of them... trust me they'll LEAVE. Also play with bullets (examine one by one while listening) and/or telling them that you would like to first pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america... they'll leave. Trust me it works.

My father actually argued theology with a pair of them... from a Jewish perspective... from memory, while they had to keep looking things up in their Bible to see if he was really quoting correctly (he was). After about an hour, when their kids started to get whiny (it was dinner time) they finally left. We lived in the same apartment for the next year, and they came through the complex about once a month, but they never knocked on our door again. We laughed all night, and again every time they showed up in the area.
 

Carol

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Oh and for those annoying Jehovah Witness missionaries (or any missionaries that you didn't invite/want to talk to) ... try inviting them in and telling them that the house policy is to be naked at all times... and start stripping down in front of them... trust me they'll LEAVE. Also play with bullets (examine one by one while listening) and/or telling them that you would like to first pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america... they'll leave. Trust me it works.


Andy! Can I borrow some ammo?? Not your guns, just the ammo? :D
 

Carol

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No, you say? Massachusetts law says what???


Hey, MA Caver says the pledge would work. Can I say the Pledge of Allegiance in Massachusetts or do I need a permit for that too?

Sheesh, I wanna move to New Hampshire, like, now.
 

Drac

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Depending on my mood..I have yelled into the phone "TAKE ME OFF YOUR FLIPPIN LIST" ..Flipping is NOT the word I use...I have also been the house sitter, painter,baby sitter to avoid answering questions...
 

Brian R. VanCise

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That is always a good read!
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Now the question I ask are you guy's receiving more or less telemarketing calls. Mine has substantially reduced this year, maybe by up to 60%!
 

Kacey

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None. MA has a state "Do Not Call" list you can go on. Just about the only good thing about this rapidly descending fiery handbasket.
There's a federal one too - look here. Between that and having an unlisted number, I get about one call every few months.
 

Drac

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None. MA has a state "Do Not Call" list you can go on.

Ohio has one too and mine has also been reduced..NOW were getting the pre-recorded messages of those running for officer in the upcoming election...It really quite annoying...
 

bluemtn

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Easier said than done... Oh and for those annoying Jehovah Witness missionaries (or any missionaries that you didn't invite/want to talk to) ... try inviting them in and telling them that the house policy is to be naked at all times... and start stripping down in front of them... trust me they'll LEAVE. Also play with bullets (examine one by one while listening) and/or telling them that you would like to first pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america... they'll leave. Trust me it works.


My dad stopped some sort of door- to- door missionary while they were in the middle of introducing themselves. My family is about 90% baptist, but not the "in your face" kind, so this really was really funny to me... He stopped them by "witnessing" to them, and they got out of the doorway FAST! My parents say they haven't seen someone from that drop by since... I personally don't have the guts, because I'll start cracking up right then and there. I just ignore them.
 

Kacey

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I just tell them I'm Jewish (which is true) and while they're trying to find the right quote, I excuse myself and shut the door.

The ones I really like are the ones who come to my door - young (early 20s) good looking woman, trying to get people to sign up for a rape prevention program... after I pointed out, one time, that perhaps they should be in pairs - at a minimum - the next time, they did indeed come in pairs. Still, they never like my answer when I tell them I'm not interested in their course because I teach my own, and they are convinced I want their course information. I don't want to be rude - after all, rape prevention is a good thing - but what reputable rape prevention course sends out young women, at dinner time and later, to ring doorbells in neighborhoods they aren't familiar with?
 

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