Uncommon Valor

[Black Belt FC]

On of my students is faced with the bitter reality that the cancer that grows within him will ultimate consume him. Daily this latent fate is the creeping shadow that pursues one of my students. His experience has taught me many things mainly " ultimate we will die and how you face death will demonstrate your true character whether good or bad".


He for the most part is trying his best to train but most days the movements are slow and unfastened. Even his best efforts are without gain but his bravery is unsurpassed by any past student.

As a master instructor I carry the burden of this secret, I'm not allow to disclose any of my students personal affairs especially if it's a students request. Some of my other students question my leniency during belt test and class towards this student. Some have made their complains vocally and are questioning my commitment to excellence. Someday they will truly understand the depth of the problem at hand; I fear the day will soon come.

For all you students out there if you find a good instructor with integrity try to trust. There're reasons for the things we do and not all of them have to do with making a buck. We stand in a lonely place that few can ever understand. We promote and train students not solely on good body form but also good character and especially students with uncommon valor.

 

[MA-Caver]

I offer a :asian: to your student for his bravery.


I also offer a :asian: to you for your integrity.

 

[TigerWoman]

I offer a :asian: to your student for his bravery.


I also offer a :asian: to you for your integrity.

Ditto that. That puts a new perspective on it for us all. For the student, doing martial arts, gives him continuity, some meaning for the rest of his life however short. Its something to hold on to. But he is doing it even when it is difficult - painful even - and he is to be admired for his perseverance and bravery.
It also gives perseverance a much deeper meaning - to continue to reach for a goal that will never be realized.

For you, as his instructor, it must be difficult. But at least, someday unfortunately, it will all be clear and your other students will know why. It is a big burden to carry though. We had a student who had been in a car accident. He had head trauma, lost hearing and had problems with balance. We didn't know, as fellow students. He had been testing with me for the first year then he was gone. He finally came back (I thought from college) and he struggled alot but I saw that he had alot of determination too. I could see that something wasn't right. I didn't know what happened and he didn't want to talk about it. Some 5 years later, he was allowed to do a jump hook break instead of a spinning jump spin heel for his recommended black belt test. I wondered why that was, but finally, my master told us black belts why, at the testing table. Unfortunately, I have seen our master give preferential treatment, ie. easier break to someone who didn't bother to practice that knife or palm break before black belt testing. He wanted her to teach for him as a black belt - the class was scheduled. So, this was my master's choice. But it makes it hard to trust him, have loyalty when it is so apparently wrong. In your case, it appears apparently wrong. So I can see why your students question you. But your integrity is intact and you will have to bear their distrust until you can be exonerated. Then it will be their turn to feel terrible. But life goes on and we all have to forgive and forget.

But we will not forget your student who is so brave..may God Bless Him in his journey... and you too. TW

 

[glad2bhere]

Dear Black Belt:

At the risk of sounding terse or brusk with what must be a very trying and painful experience I would like to go on record as encouraging you to keep your perspective with the students who is fighting such a dire battle. As much as we feel our heart strings pulled by the trials of others your job, as the teacher is to serve as a coach. If you need an example I can cite an article from a Kung Fu magazine here in the States that told the story of a well-known Tai Chi master who came back from terminal cancer through the intercession of her grandfather who used Tai Chi, Chi Gong and Chinese remedies to pull her back. However, the article is plain that it was the young ladys' struggle and not the grandfathers' who only served as a coach of sorts.

If your other students are remarking on your "leniency" with the student in question perhaps you are being remiss in allowing them to measure their grow so closely by the performance of the people around them rather than by their own "personal best". Were I in such a situation I would not be above having the students make public (maybe even posted) reports of their goals and identify what progress they are making as individuals. Your students would not be the first ones I have heard of who are using the limitations of one person to excuse their own lack of dedication.

Please take this in the supportive manner in which it is given.

Best Wishes,

Bruce

 

[shesulsa]

I suppose I am old school.

My teacher welcomes ALL walks of life - old, young, deaf, retarded, partially paralyzed, exceptionally intellectual, you name it. All come to him with a different skill level and, instead of turning out soldiers, he turns out people. Some come out of it with a black sash and others don't, but we all grow. He does ask that each of us push ourselves to our individual limit...test our own boundaries...find out who we are.

And he is such an exceptional man, I just do not question his judgement. I figure he's got information I don't have and it's none of my business...I'm not the black belt...and it's not my school, so it's not my place and it never will be...he's my teacher, and I am very blessed.

Likewise, you are teaching this man with the utmost compassion - the test of men...how you carry others into death thus you carry your own self into eternity. You are doing so with love in your heart and this indicates you are a true warrior. Your students are fortunate beyond their comprehension.
God bless this man and you, sir/ma'am and carry you on this quest for true intrinsic and, as you say, uncommon valor. Deep, repeated bows.

Most respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

 

[kwanjang]

On of my students is faced with the bitter reality that the cancer that grows within him will ultimate consume him.

I am presently organizing a fundraiser for one of my former classmates who is stricken with Pancreatic Cancer. Because folks seem to focus on the disease, few realize that with this disease come many other hardships for these folks. Financial worries are someting they should not have to deal with at this time. As martial art Instructors we seem to take on a role that transcends the normal role of a teacher. It seems we form that special bond often found with soldiers who served together.

Georgia mentioned in her post that she was lucky to have found a teacher like you are. I think so too, and I also believe that Georgia's teacher is lucky he has a a good student in her. My hat off to all of you. :asian:

 

[shesulsa]

Kom map sam ni da, Kwan Jang Nim. I am truly honored.

 

[kwanjang]

Kom map sam ni da, Kwan Jang Nim. I am truly honored.

FWIW, we sometimes have to do things for or with a student that may not be readily apparent to the general student body. Most react by questioning such actions, and it is refreshing to see that a student has enough understanding that not everything we do can be explained because we are bound to honor privacy issues.

Your letter reminded me of such situations, and how mature a martial artist you are to just let it be. Too often we forget to acknowledge those who deserve praise for the little things that make life for their Instructor easier. Good students are hard to come by, and I meant what I said. :asian:

 

[shesulsa]

"FWIW, we sometimes have to do things for or with a student that may not be readily apparent to the general student body."

Yes sir, Kwan Jang Nim, and I have too been the recipient of such benefits of having a teacher (versus an instructor...I do believe they are different).

And, FWIW, perhaps some students go through phases of ego development, wondering what the heck the teacher is doing with so-and-so or why he can't see that whomever isn't doing such-and-such properly, and if they were master they would blah blah blah. Do you think that is so?

IMHO, I think in the best scenarios these behaviors might indicate growing pains. Especially in Black Belt FC's case, hopefully once the inevitable occurs and the unfortunate circumstances are revealed, students will go back home after class and bonk themselves on the head repeatedly with their ranks asking themselves what the heck they were thinking, questioning their teacher's intentions, ability, skill.

My intentions aren't rude, just wondering if this is, indeed, indicative of character development underway?

I thank you again, sir, for your compliments.

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

 

[TigerWoman]

This is NOT about the subjects of this thread but about integrity of a master.

Unfortunately, it is not always true that the master/teacher has integrity. He can profess this value to the high heaven but when he fails this tenet, himself, everything he does comes into question. How can a student trust this person once he had deceived, lied, used others, punished in his own anger, shown disrespect to students, and will not show humility, remorse or even regret. Follow blindly? No, I don't think so. Masters, instructors, are human are are prone to mistakes as we all are. But it is up to them to make the amends. They hold the hearts of the students that have come to trust them.

 

[kwanjang]

I have too been the recipient of such benefits of having a teacher (versus an instructor...I do believe they are different).

And, FWIW, perhaps some students go through phases of ego development, wondering what the heck the teacher is doing with so-and-so or why he can't see that whomever isn't doing such-and-such properly, and if they were master they would blah blah blah. Do you think that is so?
Georgia Ketchmark

Hello Georgia:
I think as people have a chance to learn from their own mistakes, it is always an improvement Unfortunately, for some this comes very late in life. For example, I went through a period of time when I thought I knew at least as much as my dad did. On a particularly good day, I was even sure of it. As I grew older, I realized just how wrong I had been; unfortunately, my dad had become afflicted with Alzheimers by then. Now he is not with us, I really understand how foolish I was not to learn everything he had to share while he was willing and able. Like I said, some learn too late

 

[shesulsa]

Unfortunately, it is not always true that the master/teacher has integrity. He can profess this value to the high heaven but when he fails this tenet, himself, everything he does comes into question. How can a student trust this person once he had deceived, lied, used others, punished in his own anger, shown disrespect to students, and will not show humility, remorse or even regret. Follow blindly? No, I don't think so. Masters, instructors, are human are are prone to mistakes as we all are. But it is up to them to make the amends. They hold the hearts of the students that have come to trust them.

Agreed, TW. I have known my teacher for eight years and have been through a few trials and tribulations in the early days. I do see him for who he is...a human. I think it's essential that anyone grasp their skill to evaluate who is before them, no matter their walk in life, and have the patience to see where things go. I have had my conflicts with other students and I just waited to see where things went and in time, their true intentions were revealed. I learned to do that from him. I keep my eyes open, I watch him and, his mistakes are his mistakes.

I didn't follow my first teacher blindly, either, and he is now faced with his lies and deception and weakness. I confronted him privately, however - certainly not in front of anyone else. I think being a lamb to the slaughter is foolish...but there is such a thing as respect. I just wouldn't think to wonder out loud why my teacher has relaxed expectations of another student, nor would I allow it to interfere with my training. KJN Ken Corona says 'either your training or complaining.'

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

 

[TigerWoman]

My case is the reverse of this situation between the master and the student. Except no one is dying soon. How would it be if out of spite, your master decides to give you a harder break to do for a test coming up that you have practiced for already a year. And then when he sees it doesn't rattle you, ups the requirement again. He did that with me. I dug deep and trained. I overcame it. Along comes a person who didn't question the master's integrity, didn't want to know, even though she really did know enough but took over my jobs which I stepped down from. She doesn't practice, it was the same break but boards instead of bricks, couldn't even do the palm strike I did as 1st dan. But i shine it on, doesn't affect me. But it was favoritism, and others saw it too. So then, I have been breaking some 200+ boards to do a double jump break for the last year to get to 2nd dan. And he announces that he is going to change the requirements for the future black belt testing. Her 2nd dan test is coming up and she hasn't practiced any breaks. Nor I would say anything "aloud" in class. But somethings don't need to be said. They are being observed by everyone.

 

[shesulsa]

I think it's quite admirable that you push yourself to excellence above and beyond what others are doing. It's too bad you look upon it as being favoritism (I don't know, perhaps it is). Some traditionalists might say that he is harder on you because he likes you and easier on her to see if she ever steps up to the realization that he's carried her for a while. Then again, do you know everything about this woman? Does she have lupus? arthritis? hemophoelia? Is she having a hard time in life?

Not challenging, seriously asking...do you know this woman's situation?

 

[TigerWoman]

Yes, I know her quite well. I considered her a friend and still do to some extent. There's alot to this situation. I have felt for a long time as being a student who has had to remain silent and just take it if I wanted to stay in and go to my goal or continue in a martial art that I love. In this case, it is very much on my master who is at fault. Most parents that know have quit the school.

People have come up to me because they have noticed discrepancies like making any break easier except mine. I just shrug and tell them that is the way it is. But its not way however it should be. And btw, I don't WANT an easier break now. I want to push it down his throat as long as I can jump. I want my 2nd dan legally as he originally demanded, except he had additionally upped my power break(and also my 17yr. old daughter to knife/brick just prior to her 2nd dan test) in ANGER at me. Anger at me working against him with two pastors to prevent something that should not have happened.

Would he be harder on me because he likes me. No he does not LIKE me. He would rather that I leave. And please don't say, why don't you then... and not think about what awful process I have gone through for the last 3 years to fight for what I had worked for.

For this, it gives me all the more reason to know what this black belt master, originator of this thread is going through. To suffer silently-and not just this, with no-one to speak in defense of you because "they"- you, Georgia, do not really know the situation. And for that I have to forgive you. Just this, not everything is as cut and dried as you would like to think. Don't always be so sure... but I know your original thinking is admirable, but that only works and I'm not talking about the admirable master of this thread but how your topic evolved to all masters. The master/teacher/instructor does need to stay above reproach or any respect will be surface respect and he WILL be subject to question. TW

 

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman,

I honestly don't think all masters or black belts should be followed blindly by any stretch of the imagination. My experience with my first instructor taught me that. He was my first husband (we weren't married when I started learning) and used his status as a black belt to manipulate our marriage and me. He also used it to control his other students - all two of them.

It sounds like you have a sucky situation on your hands and I bow to you for making the absolute best of it, as much as you can, anyway. I would do exactly the same thing...stick it out and get what you're working toward. No, I wouldn't advise you to quit at this time, you're too close to 2nd dan and a degree you can truly be proud of.

You know, I had a conflict with a black belt at our school - we used to be best friends. Without getting into detail, things were made quite uncomfortable for me at class, but I didn't care, I went anyway. Over time, things changed, and I still go. The black belt is pretty much gone and I'm glad I stayed.

My ex is now using his BB status to try to manipulate our daughter, who is also a student. She is learning very early on that a black belt is a color on hips, nothing more. What matters is what intentions lie in the heart.

That's why I said my teacher is an exceptional man - yes, he's a black belt and my teacher, and he is a man. I don't just bow to a belt, that's stupid. Everyone who knows me knows the difference between when I bow to a higher rank because I'm supposed to and when I bow to the person wearing it.

Essentially, we agree, TigerWoman. I don't blindly follow anyone (not even my teacher) and don't recommend anyone else do so. I just don't question my teacher because of my experience with him...he is truly one of a kind.

It's really too bad you are going through quite a challenge and I must say, I think you are handling it quite admirably. Do you plan to move on after your 2nd dan test?

 

[TigerWoman]

Dear Shesulsa,
You are truly lucky to have an honorable man as an instructor. I thought truly, I did too. It took me a long time to trust him, some 4+ years. And it only took about a month or less to destroy it bit by bit when I slowly found out the deceit. But I am trying to keep a positive attitude, as respectful as to anyone, and keep going.

I don't know if I can even continue this jumping to get to the break any more. I'm getting one physical problem after another and it interferes with any practice to get in synch with the double jump. And after I get 2nd, I don't know if he will permit me to just do technique on the floor when he wants jumping all the time. I might feel uncomfortable taking the gentler/kinder route in front of everybody too. And if he shows more favoritism and makes other women's requirements for breaking for 2nd dan, easier, there will be a final confrontation and I will quit. TW

 

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman,

Is there any possibility of finding another instructor after your test?

 

[TigerWoman]

Already investigated that a couple of years ago. I talked to another woman 5th dan, same style nearby. She was sympathetic but it wouldn't work out.
Besides, I've got to stop jumping very soon. TW

 

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman, I've been thinking a lot about your situation, and I'm stumped. It would be a shame to leave, but I don't see any other choice for you, either. I take it your instructor is the only one in your area besides the 5th dan you talked with?

Can any other masters weigh in here? What happens in a situation where an instructor unfairly cants testing criteria not to accommodate illness or injury, but because of personal, ethical conflict? I left, personally, and waited years to find another art - but then, I didn't have much to lose - I was still a white belt then.

Respectfully,

GK