Uncommon Valor

[kwanjang]

A very difficult situation, and not as easy to assess as it may seem (as we hear just one side). I've seen this sort of thing before, so it it quite possibly as Tiger Woman states.

IMHO, you need to take a good hard look at why you train. If it is for personal improvement, I suggest you look hard at the fact that this is an unhealthy situation that is not likely making any improvements for you. If it is for revenge of any kind (including to show your instructor that you can take whatever it is he dishes out), what is the price you are willing to pay?

Perhaps a very frank discussion where you lay all the cards on the table will help both sides see the other side's reasons for feeling the way you do. To continue the way things are is just not an option, as such strained situations impact the lives and quality of training for other students as well. SOMEBODY has to make a move to resolve this or the school, Tiger Woman, the Instructor, AND other students wil continue to suffer.

 

[shesulsa]

Kwanjang,

Sir, what happens if this issue can't be resolved between the parties and other local schools are not an option? Does her training end there, or do you think another master might accept her, perhaps in a similar style?

Just curious - this is what two other students of my ex did.

Respectfully,
GK

 

[kwanjang]

Hello GK:
As I said, it IS a very unpleasant situation, and if all has been tried in vain I'm afraid that the options are VERY limited if not impossible. I guess in the end it just comes down to how much you are willing to sacrifice (stress wise) to learn.

I would personally try my utmost to resolve such a situation if I was to face one like it in my school, and I just could not see myself being so stubborn as to give any one of my students such grief. Sorry I can't be of more help, and I sincerely hope you can find an answer that keeps you healthy AND training.

 

[shesulsa]

Thank you for your comments, Sir.

Hwarang!

 

[Disco]

Well, I think I have an understanding of what is happening based on reading thru all of the threads. My conclusions are as follows:

1). First and foremost, you are starting to encounter some physical limitations. That unto itself dictates a certain course of action. You either find another style, which is easier on the body or you reduce the overall physical nature of requirements in your present situation. As kwanjang asked, why do you train? Only you can honestly answer that question, but your answer should give you a release point for the frustrations and anger you now feel. If you train for self improvement and focus upon the requirements of self defense, then there really are no problems. Who cares what's being done to and for someone else. I understand you feel it's a smack in the face and a minor blow to your pride, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not worth the time and effort your giving it.
2). Now on the other hand, if your training for the other side of the coin and only care about what people think and what rank you can get to, then things are in a total quagmire. Since you stated that you would feel uncomfortable with the gentler/kinder route in front of other's, kind of tells me that your ego has become the biggest player in this. I don't say that to be disrespectful or antaganistic, but rather just my observation based on the limited information presented.

Based upon item #1 above, these are the options I see........
1). Find a new school/style
2). Accept the petty favoritism being displayed and wait it out.
3). Accept the frailties of the human body and embrace a kinder/gentler way.

Under item #2,
1). Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.
2). Just keep pushing yourself (The I'll show him mentality, until you hurt yourself). Then when you can't train anymore, this will all be a moot point.
3). Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.

Just giving my opinion that will hopefully be of some service. Oh, did I mention - Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.....

 

[kwanjang]

Thank you for your comments, Sir.

Hwarang!

Just kinda hoping I could get you to try and talk it out. I really hate to see someone training to improve herself in conditions that will likely undo anything positive you might gain. Again, best wishes.

 

[shesulsa]

Actually, Sir, it's not my situation - I believe TigerWoman is the one with the issues with her instructor.

I'm still pretty happy with mine!

Thank you so much, though, for your caring thoughts and advice.

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

 

[kwanjang]

Oops! :rolleyes

 

[shesulsa]

:asian::asian::asian:

 

[TigerWoman]

Thank you Kwanjang, Shesulsa, and Disco for taking the time to think about this.

Since last Wed. I did have a confrontation and left. In the past three years discussions proved fruitless. Promises not kept, more deceit, more hidden agendas ie prevent me from teaching. I do not trust him nor will ever. So I wanted a discussion in front of the other black belts. Unfortunately, it came off as how dare you question me so I was accused of disrespect and lack of humility. And without knowing every detail-- that could be the logical conclusion. But I wanted everyone to know why I was leaving - because he made my goal invalid and it was the final straw. It was not longer something to want to achieve. He knew I wanted it badly after a year of trying to break. He wanted the other woman to supplant me as a teacher and lead woman BB.

He has made the breaking requirements easier three times before 1st dan for this woman who recently became his son's baby's grandmother. Now, with the new requirements she could do a flying side thru 2, (previous req. 3 bds. lst dan) a hopside on 2 on each leg, a forearm strike on each limb on 2, and a jump spin heel and get 2nd dan. I had to do a knife/concrete, a dropped board spin heel -1, a sidekick chambered -2, a jump back-2/jump spin heel with two finger hold-1 which I have gone through about 200 boards now and have cracked the top board 3 times but he doesn't take that as completed. He upped mine and my daughters requirements until she at 17 quit before her 2nd dan test. I trained my upper body for a year doing heavy pushups and practice on rebreakables and I finally did the knife/concrete. The other woman did not train AT ALL for her 1st dan, citing weak wrists which even though, can do T-bar pushups.

So, you can say it is petty but it is not, it is serious to get me out. Ask yourself, if someone said to you as a martial artist, that you can't do that, will never get 2nd dan because I won't let you. And you are compared to someone else all the time? What would you do?

I rose to the challenge because I had to that point trained for a year and he had just taken away my daughters chances. I did not want him to take anything away from me, it was not MY transgression. I did not seduce a student. I stood up for her and her family. I was the only one who did and they thanked me for it. So how would you get the good graces back? Hey I 've helped set up his tournaments, he needed BB's at tournaments-I judged for him, I even finally went back to the testing table to show solidaritry for the parents. He found another woman to marry within a year and I made a set of pottery bowls that took me 3 months to make for a wedding present. I even filled in when he wouldn't show up for classes and didn't bother to ask me. No he would not ask me to teach.
In front of others, one a high red, he asked her to teach right in front of me. I have been trying to get a class for two years and keep getting circumvented.

Yes, I want to do a kindler/gentler TKD for my health. I want to keep my strength, flexibility etc. I doubt I can keep it up on my own at home. I really don't have much space.

I wrote the highest ranking man he's a double 2nd dan, Karate, and TKD--under the master. He just called me today and was totally unaware of the situation but he said it explained alot. He pleaded with me to not quit and that he would support me without letting the master know that he knew. (owner of the building) Funny, he said the same thing I thought all along,that if I quit he wins. Same thinking. He also said he wouldn't go for the easier break either. I was offered the jump spin heel which I feel I could do-no sweat. But I would feel like I had accomplished nothing. No, I would have thrown all my work away and validated the new breaking rules. I would rather take off my belt and wear a white belt.
The other gal will test in Feb. and would lead the class possibly that I'm in for that matter all the 2nd dans that follow under the easy breaking rules.
I was the 3rd ever 2nd dan to test and the first woman at 53.

I don't have an option to go somewhere else at this age and start over. I am thinking about what the 2nd dan BB said. He wanted me to go back for health and go easier and ignore jumping commands, or thousands of repetitive kicks at one time. He said he would teach me since I haven't been taught anything personally for two plus years. Or I may take the summer off but then, may never restart. I just feel while I still physically can jump even though it is hard on my body, I would feel compelled to try to keep breaking if I was there. And its not just something you can lay down for while and do occasionally. Right now, I don't want to go back, I guess I've lost heart. :idunno: Thanks for your concern, TW

 

[Black Belt FC]

This past week my student submitted a doctor’s note to relieve him of training since he will shortly undergo surgery. The note states it will be sometime before he can train again the surgery will be intense. My burden has been heavy in many ways but no way near his; I wish him well.



My experience with this individually has been emotionally costly and personally tiring. My reputation with my senior students has been strained because of this issue; I don’t foresee them ever knowing the truth. I only wish that they trust my judgment with students but know that it can be taxing for them to trust anyone especially when there’re so many cons artist in the world and unfortunately to some extend in the martial arts also.



This experience has helped me appreciate my past instructors more; I wonder how many secrets they had to swallow and hold inside for student sake. A few days ago I made an effort to get one of past instructors something he wanted (martial art item) and presented it to him. He asked me why I ‘m giving him a nice gift, I simply said just my way of saying thank you.

 

[shesulsa]

:asian:

How old is your student?

 

[Feisty Mouse]

how you carry others into death thus you carry your own self into eternity.

That was really beautiful, She-sulsa (Georgia).

Black Belt FC - I wish the best in even these difficult times for your student, and for you. Your other students may not realize it now, but your attitude and supportiveness should be apparent.

:asian:

 

[Black Belt FC]

:asian:

How old is your student?

To protect his/her identity I prefer not to say............

 

[shesulsa]

Black Belt FC - Understood.

Feisty Mouse - thanks. It's easy to become inspired by truly honorable people.

 

[shesulsa]

Black Belt FC - how is your student doing? How are you holding up?

BTW:

KJN Ken Corona says 'either your training or complaining.'

I was corrected yesterday by Master Corona - the correct quote is:

"If you're complaining, you're not training."

Farang, Master Corona!

Georgia

 

[Black Belt FC]

Came by the school the other day had an operation the week before. Seems to be doing ok but not in the best spirit, don't want to give away too much otherwise i will give away students ID.

Thanks for asking
regards,

ML

 

[shesulsa]

Have any of your other students caught on yet?

 

[Black Belt FC]

Don't think so no one has made any comments.

 

[TigerWoman]

Blackbelt FC,
That's strange that your students don't wonder why the ill student is gone but maybe he is still considered a newbie or not in the inner circle so to speak. We have a black belt woman who just had heart surgery and we all pray for her and have visited her. Its too bad your student does not have friends like these from class to help support him and its really unfortunate that he feels that he has to do this alone. We all will die one way or another, but I think it would be sad to trade that support for fear of pity. I guess that there are pluses and minuses in all relationships. But, I believe people are inherently good and communication and humility are really the keys to resolving problems between people.

I have been out of class for two months, due to my instructor. He has apologized finally, after 2-1/2 yrs. and recognized how much wrong he did. There is only so much that he can repair with an apology. It doesn't regain trust or the level of respect that I previously had for him. He also said he was sorry for making my requirements harder ie knife/concrete for me and my 17 yr. old daughter, but just lowered it for women following me in test. And I still have to jump on my bad knee which he acknowledged was not good for me, but the requirement to break is still there for my 2nd dan. I am sitting here not knowing whether to go back and just exercise, forget the belt. Somethings become less important when they have been devalued. But I do value my friendships that I have made with people in TKD and they are the ones who truly spoke up and missed me in class and probably put pressure on my master to make amends. So, in writing this, I guess I have finally decided to go back. May God be with you. TW