This has long been an issue with me and well last night at work it got me to thinking again.
First off, sexual harassment is wrong. Of that I won't argue. A woman doesn't need the unwanted attentions of a co-worker (or anyone else) to cloud up her life/work. Men need to understand that "I'm not interested" or "I'm married/in a relationship", is the same as "No".
Now maybe it's a personal issue with me and perhaps I don't understand the term as completely as I think I do. I dunno, what I do know is what I see and what I see is an abuse of the law by those it's trying to protect.
I've lost several jobs based on "harassment" (including my most recent one after TWO YEARS of acting as I've always done... suddenly I'm fired because one isn't comfortable in spite of working with me for two years running... more on that later). Others were just plain outright lies that was my word against hers.
But when I say the "abuse of the law" is this. Last night during work I was asked to assist a female co-worker, we got along fine. I helped best as I could and she appreciated it. Yet, I was mindful of what/how I was speaking to her. When I made a mistake on something (still being new at the job -- 2nd day) and admitted it, she simply said: "Oh that's alright baby, you're fine." then later when we were done, she showed her appreciation with, "you were a big help sweetheart, thank you."
Now, if I had said exactly the same thing to her... with matching tone and intent.... I'd probably be fired! Simply because I'm a man. Just for that reason! So it seems to be a double standard or two definitions of the same thing. A woman can toss out casually a term of endearment "honey, baby, sweetheart, sweetie, et al" and not be thought ill for it. If a man does the same thing, it's harassment. It's illegal, it's grounds for termination... and mostly... it's just bull-s***!
I've known a guy that had a disagreement with his female superior and was fired though witnesses say that he did not use language or anything of that. He disagreed vehemently as she did on an issue related to a job they were working on. She later filed harassment and he got fired without question.
Oh sure he could've fought it and gone through this and that and this lawyer and that dept. of labor and on and on. But that isn't the issue. He (from my understanding) won the "argument" and was shown to be right yet a week later a male superior was forced to fire him to prevent a harassment litigation against the company. His word against hers. She won.
Granted you can't (always) tell intent right away from an off hand remark, or a compliment. But it seems that most women take it for granted that the guy is hitting on her or has her walking around wearing nothing but victoria secret clothing in their minds. This is likely when she turns around and sees him watching her while she working or he says something nice about her hair or dress. Of course his tone and sincerity has NOTHING to do with his intent. He's immediately a lecherous bastard and will rape her the first opportunity if she doesn't complain to the management and get him fired from the job.
I understand that a woman has the right to work in an comfortable environment, free from such things going on because they are a distraction and could hurt her production as an employee. A man is responsible for his actions 100%. Yet a woman IMO, has the equal responsibility to make it known to the man personally and directly that she doesn't like this or that particular form of attention. If she's intimidated to do it alone then she can ask a co-worker to be witness. Instead usually she'll go to HR or management and complain... which forces management to either call the guy in for a "talk" or simply hand him his walking papers.
Being called baby, sweetie, hun, hunny is alright with me and doesn't bother me because I know SHE doesn't mean it THAT way! But I'll be damned if I cannot do the same thing just because SHE thinks I DO mean it THAT way, and doesn't bother to clarify it by asking me straight out if that is how I'm coming across. Oh right, since all men are liars, nothing I say will nullify the fact that I'm lying my *** off and want to jump her bones at the first opportunity.
If I thought I had a REAL chance of taking it to court myself and coming out ahead (i.e. getting my job back or at least compensation for lost time/wages) I'd done something. Why don't I complain myself when I'm being "harassed" because it doesn't bother me and I like to think that I'm intelligent enough to understand that it wasn't meant that way.
It's an abuse of the system IMO and it sucks.
Oh on the lying part... she said that I fondled her ***. I stated to the managers that "interviewed me" (both women, btw), that I'm not that stupid and that my hands never ever touched her below the waist. Friendly pat on the shoulder maybe and returning a hug that was REQUESTED! (she having a tough day and asked for a hug, which was freely given... A frame style too). Never the less, "have to let you go because they have a right to work in a comfortable work environment."
(rant off)
I put off posting this until my give a crap meter broke and I just don't care anymore. It saddens me that we live in such a cold world.
First off, sexual harassment is wrong. Of that I won't argue. A woman doesn't need the unwanted attentions of a co-worker (or anyone else) to cloud up her life/work. Men need to understand that "I'm not interested" or "I'm married/in a relationship", is the same as "No".
Now maybe it's a personal issue with me and perhaps I don't understand the term as completely as I think I do. I dunno, what I do know is what I see and what I see is an abuse of the law by those it's trying to protect.
I've lost several jobs based on "harassment" (including my most recent one after TWO YEARS of acting as I've always done... suddenly I'm fired because one isn't comfortable in spite of working with me for two years running... more on that later). Others were just plain outright lies that was my word against hers.
But when I say the "abuse of the law" is this. Last night during work I was asked to assist a female co-worker, we got along fine. I helped best as I could and she appreciated it. Yet, I was mindful of what/how I was speaking to her. When I made a mistake on something (still being new at the job -- 2nd day) and admitted it, she simply said: "Oh that's alright baby, you're fine." then later when we were done, she showed her appreciation with, "you were a big help sweetheart, thank you."
Now, if I had said exactly the same thing to her... with matching tone and intent.... I'd probably be fired! Simply because I'm a man. Just for that reason! So it seems to be a double standard or two definitions of the same thing. A woman can toss out casually a term of endearment "honey, baby, sweetheart, sweetie, et al" and not be thought ill for it. If a man does the same thing, it's harassment. It's illegal, it's grounds for termination... and mostly... it's just bull-s***!
I've known a guy that had a disagreement with his female superior and was fired though witnesses say that he did not use language or anything of that. He disagreed vehemently as she did on an issue related to a job they were working on. She later filed harassment and he got fired without question.
Oh sure he could've fought it and gone through this and that and this lawyer and that dept. of labor and on and on. But that isn't the issue. He (from my understanding) won the "argument" and was shown to be right yet a week later a male superior was forced to fire him to prevent a harassment litigation against the company. His word against hers. She won.
Granted you can't (always) tell intent right away from an off hand remark, or a compliment. But it seems that most women take it for granted that the guy is hitting on her or has her walking around wearing nothing but victoria secret clothing in their minds. This is likely when she turns around and sees him watching her while she working or he says something nice about her hair or dress. Of course his tone and sincerity has NOTHING to do with his intent. He's immediately a lecherous bastard and will rape her the first opportunity if she doesn't complain to the management and get him fired from the job.
I understand that a woman has the right to work in an comfortable environment, free from such things going on because they are a distraction and could hurt her production as an employee. A man is responsible for his actions 100%. Yet a woman IMO, has the equal responsibility to make it known to the man personally and directly that she doesn't like this or that particular form of attention. If she's intimidated to do it alone then she can ask a co-worker to be witness. Instead usually she'll go to HR or management and complain... which forces management to either call the guy in for a "talk" or simply hand him his walking papers.
Being called baby, sweetie, hun, hunny is alright with me and doesn't bother me because I know SHE doesn't mean it THAT way! But I'll be damned if I cannot do the same thing just because SHE thinks I DO mean it THAT way, and doesn't bother to clarify it by asking me straight out if that is how I'm coming across. Oh right, since all men are liars, nothing I say will nullify the fact that I'm lying my *** off and want to jump her bones at the first opportunity.
If I thought I had a REAL chance of taking it to court myself and coming out ahead (i.e. getting my job back or at least compensation for lost time/wages) I'd done something. Why don't I complain myself when I'm being "harassed" because it doesn't bother me and I like to think that I'm intelligent enough to understand that it wasn't meant that way.
It's an abuse of the system IMO and it sucks.
Oh on the lying part... she said that I fondled her ***. I stated to the managers that "interviewed me" (both women, btw), that I'm not that stupid and that my hands never ever touched her below the waist. Friendly pat on the shoulder maybe and returning a hug that was REQUESTED! (she having a tough day and asked for a hug, which was freely given... A frame style too). Never the less, "have to let you go because they have a right to work in a comfortable work environment."
(rant off)
I put off posting this until my give a crap meter broke and I just don't care anymore. It saddens me that we live in such a cold world.