Speaking of Equal Pay

[bushidomartialarts]

Here's something I've noticed over the past year.

I'm lucky enough to work full time as a freelance writer, while my wife has a regular 9 to 5 job. This means I stay home with the kids, do the housework, do the cooking, change the baby, all that.

If I tell someone I've just met that I work from home as a freelance writer, then go on to describe the rest...the result is almost always "wow, that's cool."

If I describe myself as a "stay at home dad," there's this kind of uncomfortableness until I explain that I also happen to make a good living while I'm at it.

Not a complaint, really. I made my choice and I love it. Just an observation about attitudes I guess I'd assumed we had moved past.

 

[granfire]

LOL, we are still on the swing of the pendulum...because a 'stay at home mom' has about as good a ring...
I don't hear anybody going 'oh cool' (though I don't get the 'leach' to my face either)

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I work 50-70+ hrs a week from home. Plus do most of the cooking, cleaning and 'pet care'. (ok, I'm a house hubby, lol)
I still get people who want to know when I'm going to look for a 'real job'.
Soon as I find one that can offer me the flexibility and pay I demand.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Damn straight. I wouldn't trade this for anything. I'm just mildly surprised that attitudes -- even among my most liberal friends -- haven't changed as much as I'd thought.

 

[Steve]

I agree with you 100%, although I work half as much as my wife and earn twice as much... wait, that's another thread.

Seriously, though, my wife and I both work full time. But my wife travels for work pretty regularly, so I'm often the single parent during the week. With two teenagers and a toddler, there's a lot going on. I understand your points and agree.

When my 2 year old was born a few years ago, it occurred to me that the bar for dads is pretty low. I would take her to the grocery store, and pretty much, if she wasn't crying, looked relatively clean and didn't have a poopy diaper, I was super dad.

In other words, like it or not, we have preconceptions. Most people are very receptive to learning differently... it's more a default position than a hard and fast rule. But they're there, for sure. Moms are caregivers and Dads are providers. Moms nurture and Dads motivate. Moms teach about life and Dads teach how to do things.

 

[RandomPhantom700]

When my 2 year old was born a few years ago...

Oh oh! Let me guess how many years ago! Two, right? :lol:

Sorry, I saw it and had to comment. Carry on!

 

[Steve]

Oh oh! Let me guess how many years ago! Two, right? :lol:

Sorry, I saw it and had to comment. Carry on!

LOL. A little over that. I'm simple. Hehe.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Dead right, Steve. There was a scene in a book I read a while back. One of the Spenser novels, I think.

Guy's cooking. Woman says "Wow. You're a gourmet cook, too."

Guy says nope. Woman says why.

Guy says women wouldn't get called a gourmet for cooking dinner every night. He lives alone. He cooks. What's the big deal.

Although it seems (and this is supported by much of the data) like the institutionalized sexism and racism are mostly gone from our country -- we have preconceptions that are still very much alive and well.

 

[Steve]

Dead right, Steve. There was a scene in a book I read a while back. One of the Spenser novels, I think.

Guy's cooking. Woman says "Wow. You're a gourmet cook, too."

Guy says nope. Woman says why.

Guy says women wouldn't get called a gourmet for cooking dinner every night. He lives alone. He cooks. What's the big deal.

Although it seems (and this is supported by much of the data) like the institutionalized sexism and racism are mostly gone from our country -- we have preconceptions that are still very much alive and well.

Absolutely!

 

[Bruno@MT]

The bar for dads is indeed pretty low. When I was still a consultant, I took parental leave on fridays for a year and a quart. Parental leave is subsidized for that long, and I basically had an additional paid day off. I took parental leave because as I said I was a consultant, gone from 7 to 7 and didn't see my baby daughter much during the week. I wanted to be part of her life so I decided to do this, even though it is not usually done among consultants.

I carried her in one of those front side baby-rucksacks for most of the day during shopping etc. I swear I never had as much success with the ladies as when I was carrying her around like that. You could see them think: he shops for groceries, he takes care of his kid, doesn't look too bad... ka-ching!

At work it's the same. I work for the same company as my wife (different department). My wife's female colleagues are bragging about me to their husbands (much to their annoyance I might add ), because they know I cook, clean, and do generally as much household work as my wife. Occasionally I will leave a single flower on her desk, for her to find, and the ladies tell me that they all take pleasure from me being a romantic because most of them can't even remember the last time their man did somethin romantic outside of the mandatory valentines / anniversay / birthday gift.

So in general, I'd have to say that, yes, the bar for a man to be considered romantic / good husband material / examplary is very low indeed.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

I carried her in one of those front side baby-rucksacks for most of the day during shopping etc. I swear I never had as much success with the ladies as when I was carrying her around like that. You could see them think: he shops for groceries, he takes care of his kid, doesn't look too bad... ka-ching!

I swear...babies are wasted on the married. In my twenties, I used to borrow a friend's infant and take him/her to the park or library.

 

[granfire]

I swear...babies are wasted on the married. In my twenties, I used to borrow a friend's infant and take him/her to the park or library.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... and I kept telling single guys to get dogs... silly me!