The Quaid Conspiracy Vanity Fair EXCERPT: Theyre spending nights in their car, on the run from the same shadowy cabalthe Hollywood Star Whackerswho may have killed Heath Ledger, possibly sabotaged Jeremy Piven, and could now be targeting Lindsay Lohan. No, this is not the plot of Oscar nominee and Golden Globe winner Randy Quaids latest movie. It is what he and his wife, Evi, swear is really happening to them. With the Quaids in Canada, the author probes their nightmare reality, which has alienated friends and family, and turned the couple into outlaws. By Nancy Jo Sales January 2011 PERMANENT VACATION Randy and Evi Quaid, photographed in Room 404 of the Tigh-Na-Mara resort, in Parksville, British Columbia. Evi Quaid called from a pay phone in Vancouver to say that she and her husband, Randy, the actor, had tried to drive to Siberia, but they couldnt figure out how to get there. She said, Were running for our lives. She wanted me to meet them the next day in Vancouvers Chinatownwhich couldnt be arranged any other way, as the Quaids dont use cell phones anymore, because, Evi said, theyre tracking us. They were the Hollywood Star Whackers the couple had been talking about in television interviews ever since they arrived in Canada in October, seeking asylum. The Whackers, they said, were the same people who may have killed David Carradine and Heath Ledger, possibly set up Robert Blake, and could now be targeting Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Are either of you mentally unstable, schizophrenic, or on drugs?, Andrea Canning asked on Good Morning America. Do you think we are? demanded Evi. No! said Randy. I found the Quaids sitting in their car outside a Chinese tearoom on a block glowing with red and yellow neon lights. Nobody was around. It was night. Their car, a black Prius, was crammed with stuffclothes, coats, shoes, papers, a pillow, blankets, and an excitable Australian cattle dog named Doji, who was hoarse from barking while he was in the pound when his owners were being detained by Canadian immigration. The car smelled of fast food and dog pee and Randys cigars. I asked the Quaids if they were living in their car. Only on nights when were too terrified to leave our stuff or dont feel secure, Evi said. We used to have a Mercedes. This whole ordeal has forced us to become incredibly green. Priuses are deceptively roomy, drawled Randy, whos originally from Houston. Were tall people, and the legroom is important. Randy Quaid, who is 60, was nominated for an Oscar for The Last Detail (1973), won a Golden Globe for his performance as Lyndon Johnson in LBJ: The Early Years (1987), and has appeared in more than 70 other films, including Independence Day (1996) and Brokeback Mountain (2005). He has worked with countless legends of the film industry (Jack Nicholson, Marlon Brando, Milos Forman, Hal Ashby), meanwhile earning a reputation as a great actor. He is probably best known, however, for his over-the-top role as Cousin Eddie, Chevy Chases schlemiel cousin-in-law in the Vacation comediessomething which irks him. When I came upon him, Quaidwho is six feet four with a pudding face and large, flat green eyeswas wearing Buddy Holly glasses, a blue shirt, an Armani blazer, and a purple tie; he looked slimmer than in years past and surprisingly stylish for a man on the run. I call it the Failure-to-Appear Diet, he said, joking about his and his wifes not showing up for a string of court dates in Santa Barbara. The Quaids were arrested in September of 2009 for defrauding an innkeeper, conspiracy, and burglary after skipping out on a $10,000 bill at Santa Barbaras San Ysidro Ranch hotel; in September of 2010 they were arrested again, for residential burglary and entering a noncommercial building without consent, after squatting in a house in Montecito, California, which they had formerly owned. There was a warrant out for Evis arrest on the second set of charges. (The first case was resolved, with the charges against Randy dropped and Evi getting three years probation and 240 hours of community service after they settled their hotel bill.) END EXCERPT Wow, yeah, it's a long article, but, holy crap.