Cruentus
Grandmaster
Making Friends In My New Neighborhood: So WhoÂ’s the ******* Here?
This is a funny story, but it applies to self-defense. I debated putting this in the locker room, but it brings up the question of where is the line drawn between appropriate assertiveness and aggressiveness that is not conducive of good self-defense.
The question I have is, who is the ******* here? Plus, there are many things here that I could have done differently, so this is good for all of our learning experiences. The story is as follows:
I just moved in to this area, and I am at Meijers (the only grocery store/gas station for miles) to fill up my gas at the gas station at 4 oÂ’clock in the afternoon. I am waiting in line talking to a friend on the phone. There are 3 cars in front of me and 2 behind me. I wait and wait, and finally it is my turn, and the available pump is on the other side of the station by the exit, requiring me to drive around everyone to get there.
As I am driving around, a beat up van pulls in through the exit, and B-lines right for the open pump. I stop and we make eye contact while he is now very slowly pulling into the filling area. He is a large man (about 250) with a mustache. I gesture with my thumb for him to back out. He yells, “What!? What!?” while throwing his hands up erratically. So, honk my horn, shake my head, and slowly mouth the words, “Back out” while gesturing for him to do so with my thumb. He continues to yell “What!?” while waving his hands, and finally stops in the spot at the pump.
Now, understand that with some of the bad behavior I have been witnessing over the past few weeks, I have reached my tolerance level. I am tired of people getting away with bad behavior, with no recourse. If I canÂ’t stop the behavior without putting others or myself in jeopardy, then I am going to at least let them know that they are behaving badly.
I put my car in park, and tell my friend who is still on the phone with me, “Hold on, I have to take care of something.”
I get out and walk over to the driver side of his truck. Here is the dialog exchange:
Me: “Excuse me, but did you realize that there was a line, and you just cut in front of everyone, and me?”
Him: “Whatever! I get my gas here all the time!”
Me: “That’s great, but I don’t think that gives you special privileges to cut in front of everyone in line.”
Him: *Scoffs, followed by incoherent mumbling*
[He had no intention of moving or apologizing at this point]
Me: “You know… that’s fine. Fill up your gas. But, understand while your doing it that YOU’RE an *******!
[I start to walk to my car, when he yells after me]
Him: YouÂ’re an *******!
Me: [turns around] Excuse me? IÂ’m not the self-important dick head who feels he needs to cut in front of everyone in line. But, if you want to believe that IÂ’M the one at fault here then fine. That only solidifies the fact that youÂ’re a ****ing *******. But go aheadÂ…have fun filling up your gas, ****ing *******!
Him: Hey, watch your mouth! You canÂ’t be swearing in a public place like that!
Me: Oh yea! **** You! HowÂ’s that for swearing in a public place? You have the nerve to cut in front of a line of people, AND THEN try to be the morality police with my language? ****Â…your lucky swearing at you is ALL that I am doing. If I were someone who didnÂ’t care about going to prison, IÂ’d be smashing your skull into the ****ing concrete right now, so consider yourself lucky.
Him: bubububuÂ… [Sarcastically tries to mimic my voice]
Me: ThatÂ’s fineÂ…I hope you do keep it up, and I hope that the next guy you piss of WONÂ’T be concerned about jail time, and WILL smack you in your fat ******* mouth. Enjoy your gas, *******!
[I get back to my car. The line had cleared, and the next spot that opened up right when I got to my car was right next to this guy. So, I’m thinking, great…now I get to stand there and endure this guys presence after that lovely exchange. At this point, I have said all that needed to be said, and then some. But, I knew this guy wasn’t finished, and I was a bit concerned that he would want to get physical. So I told my friend on the phone, “Dude, I gotta go…I might be getting into a fight.” I hung up the phone. I pulled up to the pump, got out, and began filling my tank. A couple minutes pass, and then he comes over to me. He keeps his distance, but he says…]
Him: HeyÂ…if you wanna go somewhere and take care of this, we can go. IÂ’ll kick your ****ing ***!
Me: Hey bro, IÂ’m right here. I donÂ’t need to go somewhere special to fight. So, if you want to be an even BIGGER ******* and try to kick my *** AFTER cutting in front of me in line, go right ahead. Swing on me. However, I donÂ’t think youÂ’ll like the consequences.
[He looks at me, looks down, then walks over to his car again. He thinks for a minuteÂ…then saysÂ…]
Him: Well, you just keep talking with your little foreign car!
Me: Yes, and while you fill up your gas guzzling piece of **** child molesters van, IÂ’ll put gas into my environmental friendly car that was actually made in a plant right here by unionized Americans, knowing at least that I was courteous enough to wait in line for it, unlike other inconsiderate *******s like yourself.
Him: YeaÂ…if you want to be a follower, then go ahead. IÂ’m a leaderÂ…
Me: ItÂ’s not about being a follower or not. ItÂ’s about being considerate to other people. And, if you want to inconsiderately cut in front of people because youÂ’re so busy and self-important, then that only makes you a leader of *******s.
Him: Man, you got some mouth on youÂ…swearing like that. DidnÂ’t your parents teach you how to behave?
Me: Well, I did learn that cutting in front of people in line, and then being belligerent afterwards is not the way to behave.
Him: YeaÂ…well I got kids, man. I donÂ’t like swearing, and I donÂ’t teach my kids to talk that way!
[Keep in mind that he was alone, and no children were in earshot of us that I could see]
Me: I’m impressed…I thought you would have said that you LEARNED them not to talk that way. Well, I hope that you “learned em’” real good other important things, like being courteous to others, and to waiting your turn.
[Silence for about 30 seconds]
Him: WellÂ….maybe I shouldnÂ’t have cut in front of you, and I didnÂ’t realize there was a line. ButÂ…butÂ…you shouldnÂ’t have been swearing like thatÂ….!
Me: Stop right there. Had you of said that to begin with; had you of said that you didnÂ’t realize there was a line and that you shouldnÂ’t have cut in front of everyone, then I wouldnÂ’t have sworn at you. I would have probably just let you go ahead without objection.
Him: WellÂ…I didnÂ’t start swearinÂ’ tilÂ’ you did!
Me: And I didnÂ’t start swearing at you until after you cut in front of everyone with no remorse. But, if it will make you feel better, I can see where maybe I could have used different, less crude language.
Him: Fine. I just donÂ’t like swearing anymore then you like people cutting in front of you. So weÂ’ll just leave it at that!
Me: Sir, weÂ’ll leave it any way youÂ’d like.
[At that point, he begins talking to me about how he had a bad week and lack of sleep, and how he was sure I did too, and how he was sorry and that he just wasnÂ’t paying attention to see a line. This was followed by small talkÂ….as if now, after all that, he was like my buddy or something]
All I have to say is that this is frickin' hilarious!! Understand, that I had people at the other pumps cracking up. I know that I didnÂ’t really DO the right thing, and had it turned into a fight, I could have been facing a whole host of problems that could have been avoided. I know that in many ways, my approach was wrong. But boyÂ…this guy SOOOO deserved it, and everyone knew it. My little audience thought it was great; it was like I was saying everything they wish they could have said to this guy, and every other inconsiderate jerk out there who has no regards for other people. Man, this was a classic.
So, who was the ******* here?
Also, where/how does one draw a fine line from being assertive yet safety minded to escalating a conflict and being too confrontive?
Interesting questions that we should all think about.
Funny story, but I canÂ’t say that I was totally right, because this could have gone really wrong. SureÂ…I was armed to the teeth at the moment, but that certainly could have made things even worse with my approach.
Anyways, just thought I would share for your entertainment, and education. :asian:
Paul :supcool:
This is a funny story, but it applies to self-defense. I debated putting this in the locker room, but it brings up the question of where is the line drawn between appropriate assertiveness and aggressiveness that is not conducive of good self-defense.
The question I have is, who is the ******* here? Plus, there are many things here that I could have done differently, so this is good for all of our learning experiences. The story is as follows:
I just moved in to this area, and I am at Meijers (the only grocery store/gas station for miles) to fill up my gas at the gas station at 4 oÂ’clock in the afternoon. I am waiting in line talking to a friend on the phone. There are 3 cars in front of me and 2 behind me. I wait and wait, and finally it is my turn, and the available pump is on the other side of the station by the exit, requiring me to drive around everyone to get there.
As I am driving around, a beat up van pulls in through the exit, and B-lines right for the open pump. I stop and we make eye contact while he is now very slowly pulling into the filling area. He is a large man (about 250) with a mustache. I gesture with my thumb for him to back out. He yells, “What!? What!?” while throwing his hands up erratically. So, honk my horn, shake my head, and slowly mouth the words, “Back out” while gesturing for him to do so with my thumb. He continues to yell “What!?” while waving his hands, and finally stops in the spot at the pump.
Now, understand that with some of the bad behavior I have been witnessing over the past few weeks, I have reached my tolerance level. I am tired of people getting away with bad behavior, with no recourse. If I canÂ’t stop the behavior without putting others or myself in jeopardy, then I am going to at least let them know that they are behaving badly.
I put my car in park, and tell my friend who is still on the phone with me, “Hold on, I have to take care of something.”
I get out and walk over to the driver side of his truck. Here is the dialog exchange:
Me: “Excuse me, but did you realize that there was a line, and you just cut in front of everyone, and me?”
Him: “Whatever! I get my gas here all the time!”
Me: “That’s great, but I don’t think that gives you special privileges to cut in front of everyone in line.”
Him: *Scoffs, followed by incoherent mumbling*
[He had no intention of moving or apologizing at this point]
Me: “You know… that’s fine. Fill up your gas. But, understand while your doing it that YOU’RE an *******!
[I start to walk to my car, when he yells after me]
Him: YouÂ’re an *******!
Me: [turns around] Excuse me? IÂ’m not the self-important dick head who feels he needs to cut in front of everyone in line. But, if you want to believe that IÂ’M the one at fault here then fine. That only solidifies the fact that youÂ’re a ****ing *******. But go aheadÂ…have fun filling up your gas, ****ing *******!
Him: Hey, watch your mouth! You canÂ’t be swearing in a public place like that!
Me: Oh yea! **** You! HowÂ’s that for swearing in a public place? You have the nerve to cut in front of a line of people, AND THEN try to be the morality police with my language? ****Â…your lucky swearing at you is ALL that I am doing. If I were someone who didnÂ’t care about going to prison, IÂ’d be smashing your skull into the ****ing concrete right now, so consider yourself lucky.
Him: bubububuÂ… [Sarcastically tries to mimic my voice]
Me: ThatÂ’s fineÂ…I hope you do keep it up, and I hope that the next guy you piss of WONÂ’T be concerned about jail time, and WILL smack you in your fat ******* mouth. Enjoy your gas, *******!
[I get back to my car. The line had cleared, and the next spot that opened up right when I got to my car was right next to this guy. So, I’m thinking, great…now I get to stand there and endure this guys presence after that lovely exchange. At this point, I have said all that needed to be said, and then some. But, I knew this guy wasn’t finished, and I was a bit concerned that he would want to get physical. So I told my friend on the phone, “Dude, I gotta go…I might be getting into a fight.” I hung up the phone. I pulled up to the pump, got out, and began filling my tank. A couple minutes pass, and then he comes over to me. He keeps his distance, but he says…]
Him: HeyÂ…if you wanna go somewhere and take care of this, we can go. IÂ’ll kick your ****ing ***!
Me: Hey bro, IÂ’m right here. I donÂ’t need to go somewhere special to fight. So, if you want to be an even BIGGER ******* and try to kick my *** AFTER cutting in front of me in line, go right ahead. Swing on me. However, I donÂ’t think youÂ’ll like the consequences.
[He looks at me, looks down, then walks over to his car again. He thinks for a minuteÂ…then saysÂ…]
Him: Well, you just keep talking with your little foreign car!
Me: Yes, and while you fill up your gas guzzling piece of **** child molesters van, IÂ’ll put gas into my environmental friendly car that was actually made in a plant right here by unionized Americans, knowing at least that I was courteous enough to wait in line for it, unlike other inconsiderate *******s like yourself.
Him: YeaÂ…if you want to be a follower, then go ahead. IÂ’m a leaderÂ…
Me: ItÂ’s not about being a follower or not. ItÂ’s about being considerate to other people. And, if you want to inconsiderately cut in front of people because youÂ’re so busy and self-important, then that only makes you a leader of *******s.
Him: Man, you got some mouth on youÂ…swearing like that. DidnÂ’t your parents teach you how to behave?
Me: Well, I did learn that cutting in front of people in line, and then being belligerent afterwards is not the way to behave.
Him: YeaÂ…well I got kids, man. I donÂ’t like swearing, and I donÂ’t teach my kids to talk that way!
[Keep in mind that he was alone, and no children were in earshot of us that I could see]
Me: I’m impressed…I thought you would have said that you LEARNED them not to talk that way. Well, I hope that you “learned em’” real good other important things, like being courteous to others, and to waiting your turn.
[Silence for about 30 seconds]
Him: WellÂ….maybe I shouldnÂ’t have cut in front of you, and I didnÂ’t realize there was a line. ButÂ…butÂ…you shouldnÂ’t have been swearing like thatÂ….!
Me: Stop right there. Had you of said that to begin with; had you of said that you didnÂ’t realize there was a line and that you shouldnÂ’t have cut in front of everyone, then I wouldnÂ’t have sworn at you. I would have probably just let you go ahead without objection.
Him: WellÂ…I didnÂ’t start swearinÂ’ tilÂ’ you did!
Me: And I didnÂ’t start swearing at you until after you cut in front of everyone with no remorse. But, if it will make you feel better, I can see where maybe I could have used different, less crude language.
Him: Fine. I just donÂ’t like swearing anymore then you like people cutting in front of you. So weÂ’ll just leave it at that!
Me: Sir, weÂ’ll leave it any way youÂ’d like.
[At that point, he begins talking to me about how he had a bad week and lack of sleep, and how he was sure I did too, and how he was sorry and that he just wasnÂ’t paying attention to see a line. This was followed by small talkÂ….as if now, after all that, he was like my buddy or something]
All I have to say is that this is frickin' hilarious!! Understand, that I had people at the other pumps cracking up. I know that I didnÂ’t really DO the right thing, and had it turned into a fight, I could have been facing a whole host of problems that could have been avoided. I know that in many ways, my approach was wrong. But boyÂ…this guy SOOOO deserved it, and everyone knew it. My little audience thought it was great; it was like I was saying everything they wish they could have said to this guy, and every other inconsiderate jerk out there who has no regards for other people. Man, this was a classic.
So, who was the ******* here?
Also, where/how does one draw a fine line from being assertive yet safety minded to escalating a conflict and being too confrontive?
Interesting questions that we should all think about.
Funny story, but I canÂ’t say that I was totally right, because this could have gone really wrong. SureÂ…I was armed to the teeth at the moment, but that certainly could have made things even worse with my approach.
Anyways, just thought I would share for your entertainment, and education. :asian:
Paul :supcool:
