New Student: when will you quit?

Dear Prospective New Student:

First, welcome to our training facility. We are glad you decided to start your martial arts training journey and we're glad you chose us. We'd like to share a few things with you to get started, and we'd like to issue a couple of warnings, just so you know what to expect.


PRE-QUITTERS:

We'll never get to know you, unfortunately. You've called or come by the training facility, picked up some literature, asked some questions. Maybe you even stayed and watched some training. You told yourself that this is something you think you'd like to do. But for whatever reason, you don't come back. You may be surprised, but every training facility has people who call multiple times to ask about training, and to state that they will definitely be in the next week to start training. Some call every year in January; must be a New Year's Resolution or something. Whatever; you won't sign up, you won't train. You've quit before you've begun.

Some of you will ask around online about training. Where the local facilities are, if this or that art or trainer is well-respected, and so on. You'll describe your desire to start training, maybe give some background about yourself. Perhaps you've been in the military and gotten some martial arts training there. Perhaps you are a little older and trained in some martial arts style as a child and now you'd like to get back into it. Perhaps you think it would be a good way to lose some weight, to stay fit, to learn self-defense. You're very inquisitive, and seem enthusiastic, but you won't actually sign up and start training, for whatever reason.

Some of you will ask about video and book-based training. You may or may not be pleased with the reply, because although there are some who think martial arts can be learned from a book or from a video, many trained martial artists do not, and they'll give you their unvarnished opinion. We realize that this will probably lead to some angry words and a rapid departure. Not only won't you join a martial arts training center, you also won't practice your asked-about book or video learning either. We won't see you again online, although the discussion threads you've begun will probably continue for some time after you've gone.

Some of you will describe all the ways that it is impossible for you to train in person. You live many miles from the nearest training facility. You do not have a job, and therefore no money. You do not have a vehicle or access to transportation. You work or go to school when the training facility offers classes. There are many reasons why local in-person training is not possible for you. We can offer only this; finding a way to attend training is the first part of your martial arts journey. If you cannot do this (and your reasons may be quite real, we're not calling you a liar), you would not keep training anyway; because it only gets harder from there. If you really want to do it, you will find a way to make it happen, even if it means doing things that are quite uncomfortable or difficult, or making long-range plans that include waiting until you can change your circumstances. Some will recommend that you wait until you can change your circumstances, but that in the meantime, you consider doing calisthenics, working out, doing weight training, becoming flexible, or taking other classes that can help you later; like ballroom dancing, or jazzercise or yoga or other forms of physical activity that require you to develop balance, rhythm, and increase your endurance and basic fitness level. You may reject these; after all, they are not what you want to do. We agree, but we know from the benefit of having trained for awhile in martial arts that these things can and will benefit you; dancers are often quite good martial artists, people who are flexible from yoga find it easy to perform higher kicks, and so on. Again, if you are unwilling to consider this type of training while you wait until your circumstances change so that you can get started with martial arts training, you are probably not that serious about martial arts training.

And let us just say that being a quitter is not a bad thing. It's not meant to hurt or insult you. People choose to do or not do things for all kinds of reasons, and just not wanting to do it is a perfectly valid reason. There is no shame, and no harm, in deciding you don't want to do something; or in deciding after trying it that is just not for you. Have no fear; walk away and do something you DO like to do. We're all different, and we all want different things out of life. No harm, no foul. You're still a good person; you just don't want to be a martial artist. Totally OK.

DAY ONE QUITTERS:

About half of our prospective new students quit after the first day. Reasons vary, and we don't even know all of them, but our theory is that for many, the reality of our martial arts training does not meet up with their expectations.

For example, we spend at least 30 minutes of our 2-hour training session doing calisthenics and stretching exercises. We understand if you are not in good physical condition or if you have physical limitations that prevent you from doing everything we do; but do ask you to do what you can. We do pushups, we do jumping jacks, we do crunchers and situps and we skip rope. If you are able to keep pace, you will be breathing hard and sweating by the time we're ready to start any kind of actual training. We do this because it is important to prepare the body and the mind for the activity that is to come. We have found that some new students did not expect to have to do hard physical exercise, and that's not what they want to do.

We also start our newest students off with extreme basics, such as how to make a fist, how to stand, how to step forward and back, how to punch. This may seem a far cry from smashing bricks or doing 'real' self-defense, but in grade school, you practiced writing your alphabet before you started writing words, and this is no different. We have found that some new students do not like the idea of beginning at the very beginning.

It has also been noted that invariably, new students ask us "How long until I get my black belt?" This is a very common and legitimate question, we'd be surprised if you did not ask it; but the answer may not be what you want to hear. In our training facility, the answer is that it varies, depending upon the student. At the minimum, it will take several years, and the average for us is probably somewhere in the five year range. That's a long time, and we understand that may be disappointing for some. We cannot say that it is not legitimate for a person to have 'earning a black belt' as a goal for their training, but in our training facility, we keep two things uppermost in mind. First, for us, we're more interested in the training we receive than the belt we wear around our waists and second, sho-dan (first degree black belt) is only the beginning of a lifetime's commitment to martial arts training. We do understand if that is not what you are interested in, but it is what we do here.

3 MONTH QUITTERS:

We're always happy when a new student returns, especially after the first day! Unfortunately, we have also noticed that a lot of students stop coming around the the three-month mark. Again, we're not certain, but there may be a number of reasons for this. We have noted that some students seem to quit after they have received their first or second belt promotions. This is disappointing to us, because we've invested a lot in you as a student by now, we've gotten to know and like you as a person, and you've put in a lot of hard work. We've welcomed you into our family, and no that you're not there, we notice it and we miss you. We wish you'd come back!

When asked, some have said that they quit because even after three months, they felt they were not learning 'martial arts'. That is, they were still spending a lot of time on basics. Stepping, standing, punching, kicking, and the beginnings of kata and the foreign vocabulary words we use in our training facility. Some of it does not feel like it's very much geared towards self-defense or even the kind of fluid, graceful, martial arts moves one can see in movies or on the Internet. They might become discouraged or think that they are not progressing. The fact is, you are progressing, you just don't see it in yourself yet. You are adding speed and balance and power to your punches, even if you are punching air or a bag. You are learning distancing and how to hit without hurting your hand, how to kick without hurting your toes. You're improving; but you just don't see it in yourself yet. The truth is, you'll probably never see it until you get to the point where you see yourself objectively, but you will get to the point where you see new students who are where you were, and you'll realize that you're not like that anymore.

The seasons are also changing after three months, in many places. Fall turns into winter, the weather turns bad. Students go back to school, schedules change for many of us. It becomes harder to get to the training facility, harder to dedicate the time necessary. People catch colds and flu and although they are understandably out for a short period, starting again afterwards can be an uphill slog. The thing you should remember is that there is only one thing that separates many advanced students from beginning students; they kept attending training. That's it. No magic. They're not more talented than you (OK, maybe some are, and you may be more naturally gifted than some of them), but they kept attending training. If they seem much better than you are now, that's what time and practice does. That may seem difficult to accept from the 'beginner' side of things, but it's true.

Boredom. Yes, it's true. Although we vary the routine in our training facility to try to keep things fresh, ultimately we are doing the same things over and over again. And there is a certain amount of tedium in it if you do not have a long attention span. But training the body is not exactly the same as training the mind; the body requires repetition to make certain movements natural and reflexive, to apply speed and power to them. There will come a time when you will see an opening during sparring and you'll throw a punch or a kick and it will go right where you intended it to go, just as you intended it to land; but it will happen because you have thrown that punch of kick hundreds or thousands of times until it seems as natural as swatting a fly or reaching for a kitchen utensil. It will be in your 'bag of tricks' and you can call upon it anytime you need it. But until you do it over and over and over again, knowing the movement is not the same as applying the movement. Yes, it's boring and repetitive and it gets old. Part of your martial arts journey will be doing things that are not that much fun, without any apparent short-term benefit.

Afraid to come back after an absence. Yes, we understand that there are good reasons why you have to stop training for a period of time. Jobs, school, children, parents, seasons, sickness, injuries, finances, all kinds of reasons, many of them valid. But we also want you to come back. We like you by now. We miss you. Yes, some of your fellow new students will have advanced since you've been gone. But that's not a big deal; this is not a race. You will have lost some training too; you'll forget your kata or forms, your moves will be slow and rusty, you'll have to relearn some things. But you'll also be surprised at how quickly you'll get it all back once you start training again. It won't take as long as you think. So don't think that it's a good idea to stop training permanently just because you had to stop training temporarily. You don't even have to explain to us why you had to stop; we know how life is. Just come back and start training again.

BLACK BELT QUITTERS:

The saddest thing is to see a student quit training when they receive their sho-dan or first-degree black belt. One instructor put it this way; "It hurts to know that they see the benefits and choose not to train anyway." A student who earns their black belt has generally shown the kind of dedication needed to keep training, to keep learning, to keep trying, no matter the obstacles put in front of them. You are actively helping others in the training facility; you are looked up to as leaders and newer students model themselves after you. You are respected and liked; your absence will be sorely felt.

Why did you quit? Perhaps you felt like taking a break. After all, it was a long and difficult climb to that first black belt rank, and there was quite likely an even more difficult last-minute push to make sure you had everything in place to test and pass that milestone. You were in that last sprint to the finish line and perhaps now it feels like the race is over, or at least that you're not ready to immediately start another race to the next belt.

Hopefully, you don't think you've learned all there is to learn. Most black belt students are quite aware that those who have advanced black belts have a level of mastery above them as much as they themselves have over a beginner. You may have learned all the kata or forms, all the exercises, all the weapons; but it would be wrong to say you've mastered them. Just as a person with a Bachelor's degree in biology understands the basics of human health, they are in no way a medical doctor.

Perhaps you feel that you've ticked a box off your bucket list. If that's all all you wanted, it's perfectly valid; but it does mystify many of us who have turned the corner of perception from martial arts as a way of learning something (self-defense, good conditioning, etc) into seeing martial arts as a way of life, something to be pursued forever, perpetual students who always strive for a deeper level of understanding. Everyone has their own reasons for training; and for quitting. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' to it; but once a student reaches black belt range, many life-long students start to think that all black belts feel the same way about training that they do. It's often a shock to find out that's not the case.

THE WAY OF MARTIAL ARTS SUCCESS:

The secret, prospective student, is simple, even if it is difficult to implement. Find a training facility you like, with a qualified instructor that you respect, that teaches what you want to learn. Find a way to attend regularly, even through difficulty and sacrifice. Then keep training. Through boredom, through injuries, through changes in your life that make it difficult to train. If you have to stop, start again as soon as you can. Practice when you are not able to train in person. Repeat this for the rest of your life. That is the secret to martial arts success.

 

This should be required reading for everyone who comes to this forum seeking a MA and/or for anyone who walks into a MA school

 

The number of people who start training in BJJ vs the number who receive their blue belt is startling. I wish I could see the statistics. Really strikes home when I see an old group photo, from class or from a seminar and look at the faces. He's gone, he's gone, she's gone... who's THAT guy?

Great article. Bill, did you write this or is it borrowed from another site? If you wrote it, well done.

 

I wrote it and thanks for the kind words. I saw a photo of one of our ni-dans being promoted to sho-dan back when I was so new at our dojo that I did not have a gi yet. I actually thought; "Who's that fat sweaty bastard in the t-shirt?" Oh yeah. That was me.

 

Very, very well Communicated.

 

And now he's that (not so) fat, sweaty bastard in the gi....see kids. It pays not to quit.

 

From the kyu line...I am the fat sweaty bastard in the t-shirt. There is one other student in the line who continues to train. The rest appear to have quit. The two being promoted are still training. One is a ni-dan and one is a sho-dan.

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There are other photos of the dan line; all continue to train to this day.

 

Nice post, Bill. The only thing that I might say is to specify the particulars are particular to your dojo, for instance our school doesn't do anywhere near as much cardio/fitness work, and the curriculum changes a lot more frequently, so while I agree with your examples, for a beginner (or potential beginner!) to read it and get the idea that it applies equally to all systems and all schools may be a little misleading.

 

Excellent point! And indeed, some dojos put the calisthenics / stretching on the student to do before class begins, or don't have enough time to work on those things during actual class time. Absolutely.

 

In fact, some first day quitters might do so because there wasn't enough of an emphasis on fitness at the school.

 

As a new student I'm happy to say that as of yesterday I have passed the "Pre-Quitter" and "First Day Student Quitter" status. Great read!

 

True enough. Probably about the same number as those who quit because there was too much emphasis on fitness, and they weren't prepared to sweat...

In other words, it really doesn't matter what you do; you'll never please everyone.

 

I am just over a year into my kajukenpo training. I don't know why, but it took me a long time to start. For three years or so, I kept saying that I wanted to get my daughter started in a martial arts class. Finally, it just seemed like the right time and it seemed like the right thing for me to sign up also. I think that perhaps there were just too many other things vying for our time until then.

We visited two schools in our area. One put more emphasis on the conditioning and the other more on technique training. We chose the second one. The instructor at the second school told us that we could do our stretching and warm ups on our own time, and focus the time with him on learning technique. Although we were about 6 months before getting into a truly successful groove, we now do conditioning at least 5 days a week, mostly at home on our own.

Although sometimes the repetition is boring, it is never boring when our instructor is teaching. We initially attended only one class per week, though within three months, we had boosted up to attending two classes per week. We have gone faithfully, missing only one week in the last 13 months, due to vacation out of state. As often as possible we also do one semiprivate lesson per week. It is about a 30 mile drive for us to get there, 60 mi round trip.

One of the biggest reasons I think we have continued to train is that we have developed strong relationships with the instructor, his family, and a few others in the class. We go not only to learn more MA each week, but also to be with people that we genuinely like to be around. A second reason is that as we have continued, we find that this style is really a good fit for us.

However, while I love learning MA, it is not my life. I have a family and many other responsibilities to address. I don't have the luxury of devoting myself exclusively to MA. I can also see how severe injury could permanently sideline someone (a guy in my class destroyed his ACL and his Dr. advised against returning to MA, as the "fix" probably wouldn't hold up well in that activity).

My instructor and I have discussed at length how modern lifestyles make it so hard to pursue an ideal MA lifestyle. Unfortuantely MA and the conditioning needed to practice it well and effectively are a real "use it or lose it" situation. I recently discovered, for example, that while my mind still knows how to roller skate, my body has long since forgotten. I fear that the rate of loss would be even quicker with my MA skills if disused.

In an ideal world, we would all be free to pursue that which pleased us as much as we wanted. Unfortunately I live in another place, where I need to be a good wife, feed and clothe a family, run a farm, raise livestock and manage crops, keep a home clean enough to avoid being Condemned by the health department, teach an 8th grader, be a dutiful daughter and daughter-in-law, etc., participate in the work of my church, and contribute positively to my community. But for the consequences, I would love to ditch a couple of those duties on any given day to train in MA. But I don't because there is more need for me to fulfill the other roles than to indulge myself in my warrior fantasies. Perhaps if I truly perceived a wolf to be constantly stalking me and/or at my door, then MA could move up on the priority list.

(I'd love to do three classes a week, plus a private lesson, join the tournament team, and perhaps even assist with some of the children's classes!)

 

Very good post. My instructor calculated that in the 11 years he has been teaching at my university, 1200 people have joined and left. They generally seem to fit the categories you describe as well.

 

That was a great read, Bill. Well done.

 

For what it's worth, the ones I find most intriguing are the ones who call up on the phone, ask questions, and then say "That sounds great! I'll be in on Thursday to begin training, see you then!" Then they do not show up. That in itself isn't that odd, but then they call back. Months or sometimes years later; but they are the same person; you recognize the voice. They ask the same questions, say the same thing, still don't show up. First, why tell *us* you're going to show up on X date? We will be in class regardless of whether you do or don't. Second, why don't you show up? Third, why, if you don't plan to show up, do you keep calling and saying you're going to? So very strange.

Our Sensei also mentions that he runs into former students all the time who stop him when they see him out on the street, greet him warmly, and inform him that a) they are still working on their kata at home and b) they'll be back in the dojo next week. "Next week" must be code for "I am never coming back again." Because they never do.

But occasionally, we do have students return after being gone for months, years, and in a couple cases, decades. They come back, and some of them stay and keep training. Hey, life happens. Doesn't matter what happened to keep you from training, the point is you can train now, so welcome back and get busy!

 

I think you guys are discounting somewhat the fear of the unknown. Martial arts training is completely outside of many people's experience. I know that the perception of a BJJ school and the reality are often very different for new students. It's almost 100% who say something about it not being what they expected.

I had decided to quit my old school and start training in BJJ about 4 months before I actually worked up the nerve to walk into the school. It takes time. It's about momentum and nerve and often about steeling ourselves to try something that is totally unknown. I don't regret it for a minute, but I won't lie. I chickened out about 4 times before I finally just took the plunge.

 

This was really interesting to read, thank you. I've only been training for 8months, I'm a good 3-4 years away from a blackbelt if I never miss training and keep advancing as I am now (currently 4 times a week in training and practice at home).
I hope I'll be able to do MA for the rest of my life, but 'life' is also what worries me. Currently I've managed to build my job around training and it works out fine...but what if it changes?
I dont see reaching the belt as such an important thing as such, except that I would love to compete more than twice a year within our organisation - but sadly I am not allowed to go to open competition without a blackbelt (not that I'm that good - I just want to learn, sparr and learn and get more opportunities) so for me personally, in a few years, if I'm really good and worked hard....the blackbelt will only be the start of the journey. I only hope 'Life' will stay out of the way of my training.

 

That was a revealing read. It shocked me how intuitive it was and hit the nail right on the head. I've been putting off this great club because of distance + cost, but even if I have to endure that four hour round trip, I will.

Thank you very much for this reading.