Muggers email

Discussion in 'General Self Defense' started by Brad Dunne, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. Brad Dunne

    Brad Dunne Brown Belt

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    I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I grabbed your wrist and did an outside wrist throw. Truth is, I just learned that move in the martial arts school I go to and darned if it dosen't work. You see, I wasen't very sure of myself until you happened along, so thanks for letting me practice and find myself. That particular move is very intimidating, isin't it? Especially when you saw your *** passing your head in the air. I still chuckel when I say that.

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun limping back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.

    I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
    message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

    Peace!

    - Alex
     
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  2. Drac

    Drac Sr. Grandmaster

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    Thank you for the best laugh of the day...
     
  3. Nolerama

    Nolerama Master Black Belt

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    That's freaking hilarious!

    You called his Momma.

    My face hurts from laughing too hard...

    Anyway, good call on taking his cell phone.
     
  4. Sukerkin

    Sukerkin Have the courage to speak softly

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    :chortle: Whether or not that was a description of real life events I don't know but it certainly cracked a smile :D.
     
  5. bluekey88

    bluekey88 Senior Master

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    real or not...THAT's comedy gold right there! :D
     
  6. just2kicku

    just2kicku Black Belt

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    That is freakin' hilarious. I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard!!!
     
  7. MA-Caver

    MA-Caver Sr. Grandmaster

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    I'm finding it hard to laugh at this. I DO see the humor in it but with my background in dealing with perpetrators of (sex) crimes this is akin to a letter they have to write to themselves using the victims' point of view. It's supposed to create empathy in them so they'll understand the fear, guilt, pain that they've caused. They're supposed to write it like they mean it too. Or they go back to prison.

    Many crimes are perpetrated without any thought to how it may affect the victim. This is natural of course, if they did they'd be awfully reluctant to commit those crimes.

    Sorry to throw a wet cold blanket on the humor of it but ... it's how it struck me as I read it.
     
  8. Andy Moynihan

    Andy Moynihan Senior Master

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    Well hell, I'll bet the mugger WILL be awfully reluctant to commit that crime from here out :D
     
  9. seasoned

    seasoned MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    Two ways and two perspectives. There is a season for everything. One for rehab, and another for getting your - - - kicked. Each has a lesson to learn. [​IMG]
     
  10. searcher

    searcher Senior Master

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    Hiiiiiilllllaaaarrrriiiioooouuuussssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    I almost spit drink on myself reading this.
     
  11. clfsean

    clfsean Senior Master

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    That's gold! Best grin I've had in a while!
     
  12. Thems Fighting Words

    Thems Fighting Words Green Belt

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    *Pulls out a wet blanket*
    How did you know it was his mobile and not one he'd stolen?
     
  13. MA-Caver

    MA-Caver Sr. Grandmaster

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    Very true. :asian:
     
  14. Nolerama

    Nolerama Master Black Belt

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    Oh, wow. Thought it looked familiar.

    That's a fake story.

    Unless there's evidence to prove otherwise?
     
  15. theletch1

    theletch1 Grandmaster

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    The OP didn't express that it was true or that it happened to him. It was just put out there for the sake of enjoyment. As Sukerkin pointed out...
     
  16. Nolerama

    Nolerama Master Black Belt

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    Yeah, you're right. Really hoped it was real.123
     

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