Kind of a relationship

[EngIntoHW]

Hi.

I'm glad to be writing in these forums.

Last night I dated a girl which already has a boyfriend.
The thing is that we dated once about a year ago and we know each other for over a year, however during this time we just talked to each other over the internet (on and off as this relationship has seen some pretty bad months).

Last night was very nice, we were just sitting somewhere drinking warm beverage and chatting.
Before the date she told me that she doesn't see it as a romantic event, just two folks hanging out.

Now I'm not sure how to take it from here.
Should I keep talking to her as usual and put the ball in her court regarding a second date?

I guess I might have missed some details so feel free to ask me anything.

Thanks.

 

[Carol]

Odd first post.

 

[Chris Parker]

Well, there's a few things to say here. First off, I might invite you to visit the Meet and Greet section, so you can tell us something about yourself (this is a highly unusual first post in a martial arts forum to my mind... unless you thought this was a marital arts forum?).

Okay, that said, essentially, cut your losses and move on. You've been put in what is lovingly refered to as "the friend zone". And that is very hard to get out of.

 

[girlbug2]

You're the rebound guy. Rebound guys never win. It's a classic.

If I were in your shoes I'd find someone else and distance myself from this girl so that I wouldn't keep being pulled back into her orbit whenever she is having troubles in her relationships.

 

[Chris Parker]

I don't know that he's the rebound guy, she already has a boyfriend (not broken up, so nothing to rebound from), and before the "date" she said that she wasn't thinking of it as anything romantic. I really feel that this simply wasn't a date according to the girl, just friends hanging out.

That said, your advice is absolutely spot on. And I heartily endorse following it.

 

[Drac]

Okay, that said, essentially, cut your losses and move on. You've been put in what is lovingly refered to as "the friend zone". And that is very hard to get out of.

Listen to Chris..I have been there..

You're the rebound guy. Rebound guys never win. It's a classic.

If I were in your shoes I'd find someone else and distance myself from this girl so that I wouldn't keep being pulled back into her orbit whenever she is having troubles in her relationships.

girlbug2 speaks the truth..I have been there too...

 

[EngIntoHW]

Thanks for your advices guys.​

The thing is that it's so hard to find a girl you're mentally and physically attracted to, don't you feel that way too?
I've dated someone else which I enjoyed talking to her but I just wasn't physically attracted to her.​

I'm tired of looking for that girl that I'd feel truly happy with, so it's less hard for me to spend time with this taken girl.​

It really sucks that finding your second half is so hard.​

 

[Chris Parker]

Without turning this into quite another kind of forum (we've come a bit too close to that before...), the best advise I can give is to not look. Be more focused on being who you want to be, and having a life of your own, and that will be far more inviting to anyone else whom you may meet. The more you try to focus externally (on that one special girl, for example, whether you have met her, or she's just in your mind), the less likely it is that you will have anything close to a chance with her. In fact, if you haven't met her (and the girl you mentioned in your first post isn't her, by the way), then you will actually drive her way. But if you focus on your own life, your passions, and so on, that will be far more attractive to her when she comes along, and by having a fun, adventurous life, she will want to be a part of that. After all, if you met a girl who was incredibly gorgeous, but had no life, no spirit, no adventure, no personality, would you find her attractive?

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

pics or it didn't happen

 

[Blade96]

pics or it didn't happen

LOL

meanie

hahah, jk.

I don't "look' for people. Reason being is that I am 'different' and most people avoid me anyways. I express zero interest in someone either as friend or something else until or unless they show anything first. Guess its a protective move on my part if I dont try and look for friends I can save myself from pain (people who added me to their friends list here, and to msn can attest to that; I didnt add them they added me)

That said just be her friend if she said she wants to be friends and not more, and she 'proves it' Thats the way I am, if people wanna be friends I make them show it by getting them to make plans and such)

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

LOL

meanie

hahah, jk.

I don't "look' for people. Reason being is that I am 'different' and most people avoid me anyways. I express zero interest in someone either as friend or something else until or unless they show anything first. Guess its a protective move on my part if I dont try and look for friends I can save myself from pain (people who added me to their friends list here, and to msn can attest to that; I didnt add them they added me)

That said just be her friend if she said she wants to be friends and not more, and she 'proves it' Thats the way I am, if people wanna be friends I make them show it by getting them to make plans and such)

And you call ME a meanie!

 

[Guro Harold]

Let me put this in terms you would understand:

If you are trying to design an and-gate then,

1 & 1 = 1 only!

If you don't care then, an or-gate will suffice:

1 | 0 = 1.

However, if both of you have mutually exclusive ideas, then:

1 ^ 1 = 0.

Choose your condition, then branch on!!!

 

[Blade96]

And you call ME a meanie!

oh come off it.....lol =]

I make friends with people who make the first move. Like you did. You added me to your list....and I added you back.

 

[teekin]

LOL

meanie

hahah, jk.

I don't "look' for people. Reason being is that I am 'different' and most people avoid me anyways. I express zero interest in someone either as friend or something else until or unless they show anything first. Guess its a protective move on my part if I dont try and look for friends I can save myself from pain (people who added me to their friends list here, and to msn can attest to that; I didnt add them they added me)

That said just be her friend if she said she wants to be friends and not more, and she 'proves it' Thats the way I am, if people wanna be friends I make them show it by getting them to make plans and such)

Blade, do you really believe this is the reason? Because you are different? To avoid hijacking this thread I may ask you to start a new one. Or I may start a new one.
Do you really beleive that you being "different" was the cause of you being bullied in school and University, and why people avoid you now? I wonder how many others there are here who feel the same way? I know that being bullied seems to be a common denomenator on this board. Maybe the feeling of being "different" is common as well. But if they avoid you and you avoid them aren't you going to be awfully lonely?
And darlin, I am an odd Duck. Way past different, artistic, and even unique well into "Alienstrange." And I love the strange inner me. but maybe because I love her so do others?

 

[Blade96]

You can start one.

Then I'll bite.

 

[EngIntoHW]

Thanks for the advices guys,
And I really thank you Chris for your words of wisdom.

Anyways, I called her today and she said its not ok that i'm calling her and that this whole relationship is not ok as she has a boyfriend.

Well, it was good to hear it from her so I could stop fooling myself.
I mean, it still feels bad but knowing the truth is always better than living a lie.

 

[Guro Harold]

Can't promise that you will be more successful, but you'll feel more happier if you set your own terms, purpose and boundaries of engagement.