Instructor being hard on me

[Mider]

Deleted

 

[Ji679]

All pretty much irrelevant. If you don't want to get bruises, go to a school that trains soft. If you go to a school that trains hard, you're going to get bruises. Regardless of your skill level.

How is that even possible? How could you just start 6 months ago, but take 3 years off and train for 5 months?

Learning to fight requires some bruises.

One possibility to consider. You describe this place as a fairly serious gym. But you're not a serious student. You just pop in once in a while and then vanish for months. Maybe they're saying, none too subtly, get serious or go away.

Yea im inconsistent
With family , work , and other priorities in life mt training wasn’t first one
Just doing for fitness and fun really

 

[Dirty Dog]

Yea im inconsistent
With family , work , and other priorities in life mt training wasn’t first one
Just doing for fitness and fun really

So if you're not a serious student, don't go to a serious gym to train. If you do, expect to get pounded. Simple, really.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Just want personal opinion

I signed up for Muay Thai for a month but been going there off and on 1 month here 3
Months there
Recently a coach /owner there would roast me when I told him I didn’t want be paired up with a partner who was a lot bigger than me. We were holding pads. I held pads for big partner and back of my forearms were all bruised up a day after

He kicked hard as he was a big guy plus he was senior student.

Other times he would show a combo and I didn’t catch all of it and he would use his fingers to flick at my head and say this isn’t your first time. Kind demeaning . You know combos have small little nuances sometimes we forgot or miss

Ofc I didn’t purposely forgot it’s just I didn’t catch all small details of the combo

He would at times call me out infront of class. Kind like roast

What’s your thoughts on this ? I think I should be treated with some respect if I’m paying good money and ontop I’m a paying clients

This kind of treatment feels demeaning to some folks. It feels like cameraderie to others. And to some it just feels like tough love. Two of those groups can thrive in it, the other simply cannot. Talk to the instructor. If it's clear after talking to him that this is just his style, he's probably not the right instructor for you. That doesn't make him a bad instructor, nor you a bad student - it could just mean it's a bad match. No instructor is right for everyone.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I didn’t sign a contract
It’s month to month


When I mentioned I didn’t want hold pads for a guy 60’lbs heavier than me he started roasting me.
In approx 5 7 160 and this guy was 6 feet 220 and he kicked hard as he’s big and a senior student .
Am I being whiny or is this justified

Could be either. A senior student should be able to control his power, so he's not destroying new students (of which you are one). His size helps him develop power, but doesn't mean he has to kick hard.

I find Muay Thai gyms tend to have more attitude and d bag personality types
Bjj gyms tend to have more calmer and collected
Judo gyms are I attended were more humble and calmer too

Also if you didn’t get the combo correctly or missed a small nuance in the combo he would roast me
I got bit of adhd and paying attention to everything is kind hard as my mind wonders at time and I forgot the combo he just taught or needs explaining agaib .
Im 43 and doing high intense training isn’t easy . I noticed most people who attend the class are in their early to mid 20s
Doing boxing at this gym and trial now

Don't let your age become an excuse for you. You'll almost certainly have to tone down a bit from the young guns - you don't recover as fast - but you can still train hard. And you'll be overcoming more and stronger life habits (posture, movement, flexibility, etc.), but you can still do this stuff. But this is something you should ask the instructor for advice on - how do you do what you can, without doing too much, so it holds you back?

As for the ADHD - I hear you loud and clear on that (I was diagnosed at 51). Explain to your instructor how ADHD affects working memory. This is a real thing, not a "need to work on it" weakness. Your brain likely doesn't hold those combos nearly as well as some folks around you, so it'll take you more reps to get it all into the part of your memory that can hold it. This isn't even an attention thing - our working memory simply isn't as functional as most folks'.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I’m 40
Muay Thai is a high intense class
Sometimes I can’t keep up and get lazy and if he sees it he’ll start yelling and roasting me . I notice one student that slacked off while instructor was in washroom and he just gave him a smile like come on bro look
Had it been me it be yelled and roasted with names

Be aware that you may be seeing the instructor trying (and failing) to be more genial with you. Some folks rib the folks they think will appreciate it.

BTW, there's another ADHD thing that may be at play here: rejection-sensitive dysphoria. That means we tend to read negative reactions about us from people, even when they don't intend them to be negative. We can be hyper-sensitive about anything that can be interpreted as not being liked. Being aware of that can help you look at the situation to see if you're mis-reading it.

 

[drop bear]

Take your money elsewhere.

There is no shortage of quality gyms these days.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

This teacher is a bully and he’s enjoying (probably sexually) make you feel uneasy. Some might say he’s toughening you up, building resilience in you. Bol*ocks! You’re doing Muay Thai for fun not to be world champion.

Don’t go back and find another gym or even martial art where you are treated nothing more than like an adult.

While you may be correct, this is an overly confident statement. We don't have nearly enough information to make that kind of judgement.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

I didn’t want be paired up with a partner who was a lot bigger than me.

I'm the opposite. I like to match with big guys. The way I look at this is if I can handle big guys, I should have no problem to handle small guys. One day my teacher forced me to match with a light weight guy. I wasn't too happy about it. He then told me that when I deal with lighter weight guy, I can develop my speed much faster.

In my last tournament, I competed myself in super heavy weight (200 lb and up) while I was only heavy weight (178 lb). I still won in that division. The reason was I got used to deal with more weight in my training.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

I’m 40. I’m don’t have endurance and stamina of young buck anymore

40 is a good age. I started my Marathon training right after my 40-year birthdays.

 

[Ji679]

I’m taking my money elsewhere . Money is hard earned . I already get berated at home . I don’t need it at gym and ontop of it I’m paying for it too

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Either it's a bad gym, or it's a bad fit. Either way, you can just go somewhere else. The bruising thing will still happen if you're actually trying to learn self defense effectively, but you still have the option to leave if you're being belittled.

 

[Mider]

So if you're not a serious student, don't go to a serious gym to train. If you do, expect to get pounded. Simple, really.

I don’t think that’s true but it’s just my opinion

 

[Oily Dragon]

I think I have that guy blocked telling you to grow a set, imagine trying to act tough online.

FWIW, you're overly sensitive.

You blocked me for tough loving Wing Chun, something I have to constantly remind myself not to do in the presence of Wing Chun students.

I have many kung fu friends, but for some reason the Wing Chun ones always leave.

 

[Oily Dragon]

Maybe grow a set. 40 years old. Gee whiz. Quit moaning. I thought you were like 18.

You know, this is a very natural feeling.

It's important to remember though, that there are people who go through all of life, live, die, whatever, never really standing up for themselves.

And god it must suck to be 40 and have that problem. I wouldn't know, I habitually stand up for myself too often.

 

[Oily Dragon]

Just want personal opinion

I signed up for Muay Thai for a month but been going there off and on 1 month here 3
Months there
Recently a coach /owner there would roast me when I told him I didn’t want be paired up with a partner who was a lot bigger than me. We were holding pads. I held pads for big partner and back of my forearms were all bruised up a day after

He kicked hard as he was a big guy plus he was senior student.

Other times he would show a combo and I didn’t catch all of it and he would use his fingers to flick at my head and say this isn’t your first time. Kind demeaning . You know combos have small little nuances sometimes we forgot or miss

Ofc I didn’t purposely forgot it’s just I didn’t catch all small details of the combo

He would at times call me out infront of class. Kind like roast

What’s your thoughts on this ? I think I should be treated with some respect if I’m paying good money and ontop I’m a paying clients

How much of this is really in your own head, though?

As a (self-appointed) Chan Master, I constantly have to remind myself that whenever I meet someone, their whole day is centered around whatever is troubling them, head-wise.

Quitting because somebody is being tough on you might be exactly what they want, because later on they can talk about you in class, "that guy was such a weakling, he couldn't hack me, so he quit". AS if his training was gold. Martial arts places draw in these kind of people.

Try this: walk in as if punching an instructor right in the face is totally OK. Because it's Muay Thai class, not Yoga. Call your instructor a dick next time he acts like one, and see what his reaction is like. Tell him "no" over and over, if you feel like it.

If he gets all combative like "this is MY school, nobody talks to me..." tell him his school sucks and you're taking your money elsewhere, and be as loud as you want about it.

IF he laughs, you will have struck a blow on his heart. That's not an easy thing to do, to some of these guys.

 

[Bujingodai]

If I hear the term toxic masculinity as the catch phrase one more time I am going to yack. A virtue signal definition like unalived and unhoused. Or whatever else society and MSM bevy up to weaken society
What is wrong with being masculine and having an opinion, we are speaking of technique of combat are we not. Is that not kind of masculine in itself. Why is it toxic. Just say he's being a dick and get over it.
May wish to say I am toxic. Well I have 5 daughters all with power positions, 7 granddaughters whom I all hope grow up strong and a wife who owns all the tools in the house, she's a carpenter. I love strong women. Frankly my 2 sons are the ones who are on the weaker side of things.

Sorry that got to me

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Why thank you so much 😊 Cough toxic masculinity
I’m don’t have endurance and stamina of young buck anymore

I'm 63. It's not about endurance and stamina, which I don't have. It has to do with acting like an adult.

 

[Ji679]

How much of this is really in your own head, though?

As a (self-appointed) Chan Master, I constantly have to remind myself that whenever I meet someone, their whole day is centered around whatever is troubling them, head-wise.

Quitting because somebody is being tough on you might be exactly what they want, because later on they can talk about you in class, "that guy was such a weakling, he couldn't hack me, so he quit". AS if his training was gold. Martial arts places draw in these kind of people.

Try this: walk in as if punching an instructor right in the face is totally OK. Because it's Muay Thai class, not Yoga. Call your instructor a dick next time he acts like one, and see what his reaction is like. Tell him "no" over and over, if you feel like it.

If he gets all combative like "this is MY school, nobody talks to me..." tell him his school sucks and you're taking your money elsewhere, and be as loud as you want about it.

IF he laughs, you will have struck a blow on his heart. That's not an easy thing to do, to some of these guys.

I’m not the type to raise a **** storm .thats what perturbed human would do .
This isnt high school anymore and what would hit him hard is in the pocket book . Damn a poor review . that’s not good look on my business innit

I’m more of type to have witty comebacks that would roast him back . Think chandler from friends

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Oh I think we'd get along great


Well, I am midway. Without being there it is hard to tell the intention of the encouragement. Some dojo are def more on the Navy Seal selection way of things. I guess it is all what you expect and can deal with.
In my past classes we took the piss out of each other quite a bit. Lot's of tolerance training, and we did lose students over it. I don't think I outright abused someone though. I certainly wouldn't put my highest and my lowest in a power off.

But I will say yes there is a degree of wipe your chin off. My Sensei beat the pulp out of me. From the very beginning. Frankly I was as skilled as a potato, still am. But I have a belt now so who cares..... oh wait that is another thread.
Who knows why it is that way. I remember when I was in my 1st dojo with my 1st Sensei, after a few years I think I was 4th kyu, the entire dojo went to Japan paid by a dojo fundraiser. Except me. Have to admit I was a little jilted by that. But I still went back.

So it's all in what messes with you too much. I myself couldn't handle Muay Thai. Just not tough enough or too old now. I think.

Here's the point. If you feel your instructor is beating the tar out of you and you don't like it, either have a chat and ask for a modification, or leave if you don't want to put up with it. Neither is wrong. I'm not suggesting anyone put up with abusive behavior; just the opposite. Change the situation or leave the situation. If you put up with it, that means you're OK with it.

I am likewise as skilled as a potato. But nobody thumped on me to the extent that I could not take it. If they had, I would have said "Hey, can we tone it down a bit?" If they had refused, I would have left, because I don't really want to be beaten up if it's not conducive to the training itself. And as an adult, I'll make that decision.