I called the State Police

[Lynne]

My daughter is 17 and received an instant message from a 16 year-old female friend whom I've forbid her to see. The girl, "J," was living with her 20 year-old boyfriend in an adjacent town. J is now back at home for the school year. You may have heard me speak of my neighbors - they have a lot of loud domestic disputes, a front yard full of cars, trash, etc. J's family rents a trailer on the property. I think they are all related somehow but not 100%.

At any rate, J came out as bisexual to my daughter and solicited her for sex. She also said her boyfriend (20) was turned on by girls with girls and they were looking for a partner. BULL-you-know-what! I imagine the man saw my daughter's pic on myspace and put J up to the solicitation. That's a likely scenario.

I had a feeling that because my daughter is 17 that nothing could be done. I was right about that. But what if they are/or start soliciting underage teenagers? At least the State Police have the man's myspace account information, his name, and the girl's name and address.

Personally, I would not let my 16 year old daughter date a 20 year old guy, much less move in with him! But I'm a prude as it were. Sheesh. J invited my daughter to come over and hang out because she had the house all to herself. Another Bull..... That could have been a setup for all I know.

I don't like wasting the Police's time, but hey, you never know what else might be going on, or what could happen in the future.

What would you have done? (Honestly, I feel like beating the crap out of both the girl and the man.) Think I'll go practice my form and make those punches really count.

 

[bydand]

Personally I am not much of a prude, but in a situation like this; I would think a set of testes hanging off the mailbox post would serve as a warning for the next perv who should think about the same thing.:btg:

I too would have informed the police, if nothing more than to give them a heads up about a 20 year old man who is living with/sleeping with a 16 year old girl.

 

[exile]

I too would have informed the police, if nothing more than to give them a heads up about a 20 year old man who is living with/sleeping with a 16 year old girl.

Ditto to Scott's post.

Isn't 16y.o. still covered by statutory rape indictment in most states? I thought that the usual age-of-consent was 17... ?

And one other thing, Lynne: once you get started on board breaking, you'll find it's a terrific way to sublimate the urge to fatally damage all the creeps you come across who make you want to do that—and in contrast to creeps, you can't get sued for breaking boards!

 

[CoryKS]

And one other thing, Lynne: once you get started on board breaking, you'll find it's a terrific way to sublimate the urge to fatally damage all the creeps you come across who make you want to do that—and in contrast to creeps, you can't get sued for breaking boards!

And if it doesn't control the urge, it's great practice!

 

[Tames D]

I tell ya... It's that damn My Space. The root of all evil...

 

[Lynne]

Ditto to Scott's post.

Isn't 16y.o. still covered by statutory rape indictment in most states? I thought that the usual age-of-consent was 17... ?

And one other thing, Lynne: once you get started on board breaking, you'll find it's a terrific way to sublimate the urge to fatally damage all the creeps you come across who make you want to do that—and in contrast to creeps, you can't get sued for breaking boards!

The age of consent is 17 in New York so I don't know why the State Police weren't interested in checking that out! Or maybe they are pursuing it and just didn't say anything to us since it's none of our business.

I'm going to think of this situation when I break the boards; it should help me to follow through.

 

[Lynne]

I tell ya... It's that damn My Space. The root of all evil...

Myspace can be a lot of fun, but it can be a source of trouble, too, if one isn't careful.

 

[Lynne]

And if it doesn't control the urge, it's great practice!

I'll imagine their heads one foot away from the back side of the board.

 

[Lynne]

Personally I am not much of a prude, but in a situation like this; I would think a set of testes hanging off the mailbox post would serve as a warning for the next perv who should think about the same thing.:btg:

I too would have informed the police, if nothing more than to give them a heads up about a 20 year old man who is living with/sleeping with a 16 year old girl.

Testes hanging off the mailbox - I like that!

 

[jks9199]

My daughter is 17 and received an instant message from a 16 year-old female friend whom I've forbid her to see. The girl, "J," was living with her 20 year-old boyfriend in an adjacent town. J is now back at home for the school year. You may have heard me speak of my neighbors - they have a lot of loud domestic disputes, a front yard full of cars, trash, etc. J's family rents a trailer on the property. I think they are all related somehow but not 100%.

At any rate, J came out as bisexual to my daughter and solicited her for sex. She also said her boyfriend (20) was turned on by girls with girls and they were looking for a partner. BULL-you-know-what! I imagine the man saw my daughter's pic on myspace and put J up to the solicitation. That's a likely scenario.

I had a feeling that because my daughter is 17 that nothing could be done. I was right about that. But what if they are/or start soliciting underage teenagers? At least the State Police have the man's myspace account information, his name, and the girl's name and address.

Personally, I would not let my 16 year old daughter date a 20 year old guy, much less move in with him! But I'm a prude as it were. Sheesh. J invited my daughter to come over and hang out because she had the house all to herself. Another Bull..... That could have been a setup for all I know.

I don't like wasting the Police's time, but hey, you never know what else might be going on, or what could happen in the future.

What would you have done? (Honestly, I feel like beating the crap out of both the girl and the man.) Think I'll go practice my form and make those punches really count.

Ditto to Scott's post.

Isn't 16y.o. still covered by statutory rape indictment in most states? I thought that the usual age-of-consent was 17... ?

And one other thing, Lynne: once you get started on board breaking, you'll find it's a terrific way to sublimate the urge to fatally damage all the creeps you come across who make you want to do that—and in contrast to creeps, you can't get sued for breaking boards!

The age of consent is 17 in New York so I don't know why the State Police weren't interested in checking that out! Or maybe they are pursuing it and just didn't say anything to us since it's none of our business.

I'm going to think of this situation when I break the boards; it should help me to follow through.

From what you've posted, it's unclear, but it's very possible that many laws may have been violated. At the very least, it appears that a 20 year old is engaging in sexual activity with a 16 year old -- and soliciting sexual acts from another child (at 17, your daughter is, in most states, still a minor). I suggest you contact your local police department or sheriff's office, and speak directly with a detective investigating such offenses.

 

[exile]

From what you've posted, it's unclear, but it's very possible that many laws may have been violated. At the very least, it appears that a 20 year old is engaging in sexual activity with a 16 year old -- and soliciting sexual acts from another child (at 17, your daughter is, in most states, still a minor). I suggest you contact your local police department or sheriff's office, and speak directly with a detective investigating such offenses.

Right, that's just the sort of thing I was wondering about—I don't know of any state where age of consent is less than 17, and yes, solicitation like that is covered, as far as I know, under various laws against `pandering'. Lynne, methinks you could really nail this piece of filth if you go see someone in the prosecutor's office in person. The place where he and this 16 year old are living... I take it they don't know her age? That in itself seems weird—but not as weird as if they do know and are just turning a blind eye to it.

Breaking has a number of components, but apart from the technical factors, one of the real biggies is commitment to the strike. And I've found that when I'm in a certain fairly irritated frame of mind, it's very easy to find that commitment—so thinking about this vermin could be a very good tactic for you in learning breaking!

 

[bushidomartialarts]

According to 'ageofconsent.com', as of 2002 the age of legal consent in New York is 17 for male-female, male-male and female-female sex.

That guy is breaking the law with his girlfriend, but not with your daughter. It shouldn't be too hard for you to find somebody in government to make his life miserable.

To other avenues to explore...

One, how does your daughter feel about these people? Will she respect your wishes and avoid them, cut off all contact? Or is that a whole 'nother set of concerns?

Two, you may want to bring three hard-looking friends and have a quick face-to-face with the 20 year old who is soliciting your daughter for a three-way. Make it very clear that, law or no, he is to stay the hell away from you and yours. Make it clear you know where he lives, where he works, and which parts of the body hurt the most to hit. Don't threaten. Don't hit. Don't yell. Just calmly imply that this is a road he wants no part of walking down.

Just my two cents.

 

[terryl965]

Personally I am not much of a prude, but in a situation like this; I would think a set of testes hanging off the mailbox post would serve as a warning for the next perv who should think about the same thing.:btg:

I too would have informed the police, if nothing more than to give them a heads up about a 20 year old man who is living with/sleeping with a 16 year old girl.

my feeling exactly

 

[Flying Crane]

You might want to consider this a little differently. If your daughter is truly of legal age of consent, then you might want to approach this with more finesse and less brawn.

If she is of legal age, the choice ultimately comes down to her, whether you like it or not. The more iron-fisted you are about it, the more she may decide to go for it, just to spite you, even if she might have chosen otherwise. Teenagers are just that way, sometimes. I don't know what your relationship with your daughter is like, so I'm not trying to imply anything. I'm just saying it's something you shouldn't forget. I remember what it was like to be a teenager and have a pair of good-hearted killjoy parents who drove me nuts and always seemed like they were in the way. You probably remember it too.

I would suggest you keep an open dialog with your daughter, and not try to dictate anything to her and don't show a lot of harsh judgement. You can make your feelings on the subject known very clearly, but if she feels she is being pushed, she may push back.

Teenagers reach a point where they want to begin making their own decisions. If she is of legal age, then the law is on her side in this case. And sometimes, they will make poor decisions, but they are their decisions to make. A parent has to begin easing up on the controls at some point, and trust the teenager to remember the values you have tried to instill in them. It can be tough to back off, tho, and the right time to do so probably varies quite a bit from one circumstance to another. But it's something to consider.

You can communicate to the other parties that you don't appreciate their advances on your daughter, and you expect them to back off. But it all comes back to your daughter's choices, and what kind of relationship you have with her.

 

[Flying Crane]

Two, you may want to bring three hard-looking friends and have a quick face-to-face with the 20 year old who is soliciting your daughter for a three-way. Make it very clear that, law or no, he is to stay the hell away from you and yours. Make it clear you know where he lives, where he works, and which parts of the body hurt the most to hit. Don't threaten. Don't hit. Don't yell. Just calmly imply that this is a road he wants no part of walking down.

Just my two cents.

I would suggest you don't do anything that could imply a threat of physical harm to these people. That could backfire very quickly and you might be the one getting an unpleasant visit from the police, slapping you with a restraining order.

 

[jks9199]

I would suggest you don't do anything that could imply a threat of physical harm to these people. That could backfire very quickly and you might be the one getting an unpleasant visit from the police, slapping you with a restraining order.

Ditto on that... Never make a threat that your neither prepared nor willing to carry out.

But I don't think there's a communication problem between Lynne & her daughter; after all, the daughter brought the message to Lynne's attention. The biggest problem is that, if it was made in a chat, there's a very good chance that there's no record of it. And that, according to Lynne's original post, it wasn't the 20 year old making the solicitation directly. Details like that are why I suggested discussing the situation with a detective who investigates offenses involving the internet and kids; there are many complicated aspects to these cases. Bluntly -- I'm not trained enough in these cases myself to work them. If Lynne can't find local police to assist her, she might contact the FBI; there's information at Innocent Images

 

[Carol]

A couple of details are nagging at me.

Were the police told that the person that specifically made the solicitation for sex was 16?

Also was this truly a solicitation for sex - meaning a financial transaction for sex (which is prostitution) or did the 16 y.o just say she wanted to have sex with the 17 y.o. (without involving monies)?

 

[grydth]

Of the sage advice thus far, Flying Crane's I think is excellent.

Lynne, We'll support you as you have my worst nightmare on your hands - we have 4 kids, the youngest 2 being girls. Nothing worse than sleazy girl friends and dirt bag boyfriends when it comes to ruining a young girl's life.

As stated, do not get yourself in criminal trouble for hara

 

[grydth]

.... Let me try adding the whole post this time...

Do not get yourself in criminal trouble for communicating threats, harassment or assault. That won't solve anything - and this dirt bag may well have a weapon. That, however, does not mean you cannot invest in an excellent defensive weapon, such as a large and well trained Rottweiler. Big dogs work wonders in keeping undesirables at the property line...

Sound advice given already about not overwhelming your daughter... this does not rule out a subtle and supportive full court press.

Don't forget what brought you to this forum in the first place. Many Dojos today have evolved into community groups - I'd suggest you both talking things over with the head of the MA school and senior instructors. They may well be postive influences on her. You can try those that are close to her and whom she respects - teachers, aunts, older siblings, clergy.... maybe somebody who can tell her, "Don't repeat the mistake I made..."

Maybe a rep from a women's shelter can offer advice and pro-active measures. Someone who knows computers better than I could advise you on blocking out sites and/or messages from these scum.

If moving out of this neighborhood isn't feasible, invest in an office consult with a lawyer. Get an idea from them of what might work in your specific circumstances, from orders of protection to suits to criminal complaints. Let the expert tell you about which conduct of yours could cross the line.

Depending on how that goes, consider the media. Nothing like seeing a public official grilled on the local news, "Why won't you help this mother protect her child? What would you do if it were your daughter, Mayor Blintz? " Shame is a dandy weapon and a stimulus to action, especially in the Fall.

Mostly - let your daughter see you for what you are: a caring and loving mother keeping the wolves away.

 

[MarkBarlow]

Obviously, this has the potential to be a horrible situation but there is one thing that should make you feel good. You and your daughter must have a great relationship for her to be so honest and open with you. You are to be congratulated for raising a child who has enough respect for both herself and for you to make intelligent choices. Kudos in the parenting department.:highfive: