Growth and Perspectives...

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Talk' started by Dark, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. Dark

    Dark Purple Belt

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    I was sitting around reading my notes from when I first heavily began to study and learn martial arts back when I was a kid and something hit me. My perspectives have changed greatly and with it my goals, yet there is a simple truth behind them.

    When I was child I wanted to be powerful, a great martial artist and leader of men. While I never lost sight of that goal, I did see it for what it was... My own delusion; I thought coming from a poor family and having been abused by my father I could avenge myself and prove myself by learning to fight and becoming "important."

    Instead of becoming a leader, I became a teacher. I do not like taking responsibility for others, so I have tried my best to arm those around me with knowledge and the wisdom to use that knowledge. I may have used martial arts as my "path," it was not the course my road took. Looking back I have come to understand two simple things; we can only trust who we are within the layers of who we pretend to be and, that most of us never know the difference.

    As I began teaching martial arts I found them lacking and thus prefered the "quiet" I found in violence. I perfected my skill toward fighting and conflict and suddenly without realizing I began to understand the truths the "old masters" spoke of. The reality of living in violence openned my eyes to the philosophies of both Eastern and Western masters. More so, in my trial by fire I found faith and came to understand the will of my God.

    There is a turning point when we step across the thresh hold and find ourselves changed, like a phenix the old self dies, and the corpse dead and hollow gives birth to newer stronger and strangely calmer "new life." I have found that knowing my "higher power" is not enough but surrendering to its will is. I liken the experence to two men drowning in the ocean, one is trying desperately to swim and tires himself out trying to keep himself above the waves. The second man, simply relaxes and allows the waves to thrash him about, for everytime he is thrust beneath the waters he also resurfaces until his spat upon the shore.

    My perspectives have changed, through strangely I have not, where once I saw martial arts as the goal I now find them as nothing more then the road and not the destination. The peace I find in conflict is always there, I always seek out the next challenge and the next fight. Though, now I seek the battles that mean something. And while I may lead by my actions, my actions and my voice speak of personal growth and understanding.

    I started off trying to become physically and mentally stronger, looking to what would make me better. Now I seek out my faults and weakness to remember to improve. I once wanted to lead others and have power of them, now I seek to better increase my own power over myself and guide others as opposed to leading them. I once thought martial arts would make me a better fighter, and found that fighting meaningful battles made me a better martial artist...

    Something for everyone to consider in their own ways... [​IMG]
     
  2. Elayna

    Elayna Green Belt

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    Dark...Thank you so much for this post. You have stated something complex so simply. Wonderfully done!I agree. :) :)
     
  3. Dark

    Dark Purple Belt

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    Thank you...
     
  4. stickarts

    stickarts Senior Master

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    Great post! I can relate to quite a bit of what you said!!
     
  5. Fu_Bag

    Fu_Bag Blue Belt

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    Dark,

    Thanks for an awesome post! I know what you mean. I started off thinking similar things and I have found.....that I couldn't be more of a giant piece of dung if I tried. It's funny how once your perspective changes, it's really not all that bad to be quite imperfect. :)

    Take care,

    Fu Bag
     
  6. Explorer

    Explorer Blue Belt

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    Yer kina a poet too. Perhaps you missed your calling? :)
     
  7. MartialIntent

    MartialIntent Black Belt

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    Dark, an interesting post!

    However, you're truly disparaging about this desire or aspiration you once had, implying it was peurile or lacking in sophistication. Yet without people filling those very roles through history, where exactly would we be?

    I think it takes courage to be a *genuine* leader [as opposed to one trotting out the same doctrine iterated across generation after generation]. Unfortunately there ain't many leaders satisfying a "genuineness" criteria. Oh well.

    More's the pity that you lost that desire to be "a great martial artist and leader of men". Maybe you'll rediscover it one day.

    Respects!
     
  8. w.kaer

    w.kaer Green Belt

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    HOOAH!
    It is funny how life works isn't it? If I were to try to an imagine 10 years ago the man that I am today, I don't know if I could. Enjoy all of your journeys, even the ones you do not know you are on.123
     

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