Funny things people say by accident

[mrhnau]

I always laugh with my wife over some of the things we say by accident. She is a non-native speaker, so sometimes things just come out funny

for example:

"Rambo is one dead, killing, walking machine" after watching First Blood LOL

"Has the water hooked yet?" has the water filtered? don't ask how she got that one! LOL

anyways, any you would like to share? Does not need to be a foreigner, I've said quite a few myself LOL

 

[HKphooey]

Both my parents are from Germany and my mom comes up with some good ones....

After attending a funeral, my mom was telling me about it and told me who the pallbearers were.

Only she said Ballbearers.

 

[Bigshadow]

A very close friend of mine was raised in Puerto Rico (Canadian born).

CHicken is pronounced SHicken.

He also pronounces 'Sheet' as ****. We were in a business meeting on numerous occasions and he said he needed a **** of paper. HAHAHA

 

[bydand]

While being born and raised in Mass. my mother-in-law I swear speaks a different language.

For just saying stupid things by accident, my brother wears the crown. Once, long before I met my wife, we were sitting in a bar booth and he and his wife (ex-wife now, I can't guess why) were trying to set me up with some of their friends. Nothing against their friends, but, NO. Loren in all his wisdom, arm around his wife, looks at me and made the exact statement "You know what your problem is Scott, when it comes to women you are just too picky." Needless to say I just got up and walked away, didn't really want to witness what was about to happen in the booth in case I was called for a witness in her murder trial.

 

[mantis]

im used to reading from right to left
so my adjectives are still backwards sometimes
i say things like age stone, instead of stone age!

the FOD that i am!

 

[Bigshadow]

"You know what your problem is Scott, when it comes to women you are just too picky."

Ooohhh the room temperature instantly dropped to a bone chilling 0 degrees Kelvin. :rofl:

 

[Bigshadow]

im used to reading from right to left
so my adjectives are still backwards sometimes
i say things like age stone, instead of stone age!

the FOD that i am!

Funny you mention that. My friend and I talk about him putting the table under the dinner plates as opposed to putting the dinner plates on the table. :rofl:

 

[shesulsa]

He also pronounces 'Sheet' as ****. We were in a business meeting on numerous occasions and he said he needed a **** of paper.

My Jr. High Spanish teacher had the same problem. So she would call sheets "bedding linens." :lol2:

I heard a story about a multi-lingual martial arts master who gave a seminar and was trying to use a 'teeter-totter' as an example and wound up using a slang term for the female breast for the first word.

I'm sure we all sound very funny to each other, eh?

 

[HKphooey]

Another one from my mom...

Some friends (including one of African-American heritage) and I were heading out for a night on the town (I was still living at home at the time). It had been drizzling/snowing out and my mom was watching the news. My friends came to pick me up and came in to say hi to my parents. As we were leaving, my mom (being the concerned mom) yells out watch out for the BLACK GUYS tonight, the news said is bad out tonight. Needless to say, my one friend turns to me and says, "Did your mom just say what I thought she said?". I, along, with my other two friends were almost pissing our pants, laughing. I turned to him and said, "Black Ice, Black Ice"

 

[Bigshadow]

I'm sure we all sound very funny to each other, eh?

Oh for sure. He and I joke about it!

 

[Phadrus00]

This one happened to me long ago in University. I was taking a Digital Systems course where we learned how to design logic circuits. One of the things that you do is build up logic tables that define how your circuit is going to react to certain inputs. you may want a positive output for a particular input and a negative one for another. Tehre are also some conditions you simply do not care about. you build this into a grid and mark it up with 1's for positive, 0's for negative and X's for conditions that you don'r care what the output is.

So our instructor was from somewhere in Eastern Europe and he had a fairly thick accent. He was instructing us on setting up our tables and he kept talking about the "Don Kirk" conditions. That day I was working with my study group and we all admitted we were not sure who Don Kirk was. So we went through our test books, and researched Mr. Kirk in th eengineering library and came up with Nothing regarding circuit design. Needless to say we were worried but did not want to look stupid and ask the Professor.

The next class the professor is working through an example on the chalk board and he is drawing out a grid and putting in 1's, o's and x's. He puts an X in a particular grid and says "And here we put an X because it is a Don Kirk Condition". I turn to one of my Study Buddies with a look of disbelief and he has it too. I rais emy hand and as politely as I can ask:

"Excuse me sir.. Do you mean that's a Don't Care Condition?"

He looks at me a little flabbergasted and replies:

"YES! That's what i said! A Don Kirk Condition!"

Literally the entire class exhaled in unison with relief. Don Kirk = Don't Care...

Rob

 

[bobster_ice]

Another one from my mom...

Some friends (including one of African-American heritage) and I were heading out for a night on the town (I was still living at home at the time). It had been drizzling/snowing out and my mom was watching the news. My friends came to pick me up and came in to say hi to my parents. As we were leaving, my mom (being the concerned mom) yells out watch out for the BLACK GUYS tonight, the news said is bad out tonight. Needless to say, my one friend turns to me and says, "Did your mom just say what I thought she said?". I, along, with my other two friends were almost pissing our pants, laughing. I turned to him and said, "Black Ice, Black Ice"

Lmao, now that is a good one.

 

[adictd2tkdgirl]

Open the light..Close the light

Instead of Turn On and Turn Off..

I have to admit..I do that!

 

[Ping898]

My mom being having French as a first language will at times say open the light instead of turn on the light.

Funniest one I know of is my sister was out with some coworkers and their spouses and her boss kept calling my sister by her last name (a some what complicated Polish name) well he called her by her last name about a half dozen times when his wife turned to him and said "Do you keep calling her Box Of Nuts?"

Misunderstandings I find are amusing too.

 

[mrhnau]

one just tonight LOL
"can I have some sprinkling water" sparkling water

 

[Kembudo-Kai Kempoka]

Our very nice, but very thick-accented biochem prof of Chinese origin, kept talking about shrimp-jumbo or taking Pope John-Paul for a motor-cycle ride. A class of 70+ med students would chuckle and look at each other in confusion, hoping someone could provide a little clarity.

Finally, a tutor from within the system clued us in...shrimp-jumbo and Pope John Paul were both "For example", and the motor-cycle ride was "monosaccharide". It was good they had control notes, because I don't think anyone got a clue based on lectures.

 

[qizmoduis]

My wife is from Vietnam and still has a fairly thick accent. One of the funniest things she says (when she's tired or very busy) is "Can you cook yourself tonight?"

We both think that's hilarious. I've pointed it out enough times that she spots it, but she usually only catches herself after she says it, not before.

She's also never learned to curse in english. Her attempts are always laugh-inducing for both of us.

Me? Everything I say is by accident.

 

[Henderson]

Just the other day, a co-worker of mine, instead of asking a customer "What can I do for you?" actually asked "What can I do to you?"

Of course, it might have been a "had to be there" moment.