Dr. Laura sez Men cheating is all Women's fault

[shesulsa]

Granted in America we really really like to play the blame game and not take responisbility for our own actions but when your pecker lands in someone who isnt your wife or girlfriend (willingly) i have a really really hard time understand how anyone forced you to do it.

QFT

That quote is one of those statements that it's very difficult to come up with a counter-argument for. It expresses the outcome so simply, it's a bit like a perfect sphere, there's nothing to gain purchase on.

artyon: :hammer:

 

[DavidCC]

In order to understand what she meant, you have to know the larger context of her position, that is hard to do from one interview, and impossible from one snippet. It's kindof like judging someone's entire MA ability from a 2 minute YouTube video, but we would never do that would we???

Even just looking at the one thing posted here, I think the key words are "his decision" and "perfectly good man".

When Dr. Laura describes how a wife should treat her husband, the underlying condition is that the husband DESERVES to be treated that way by being a good husband - a "perfectly good man".

I have never heard her give any husband a free pass for cheating. but I have heard her many times ask the wife why her husband felt the need to cheat. A husband whose wife is affectionate, attentive and caring would never even consider it (unless he is a dirtbag anyway,and then he doesn't deserve the good treatment, and is not covered by her statement).

If a wife treats a good honest husband poorly and he cheats, the point is not the he should be forgiven or not held accountable ("his decision"). I've never heard Dr Laura tell anyone that, ever. The point is that, in the situation where the wife treated a GOOD HUSBAD poorly enough that he was tempted to cheat, the wife's behavior contributed to the destruction of the marriage (again, assuming he was a good husband, not a immoral person who would cheat anyway) and that she could improve her life, in that marriage or in her next one, by understanding what her role in the failed marriage was.



too tired to be a good wife (or husband)? Nothing personal, but how selfish is that?

I am often too tired to do the lawn, take out the trash, go see what the 2am noise was, go shopping for curtains, or give detailed critique of her latest hair style, change the oil in all 3 cars, on and on... sometimes I am even too tired to have sex. But, if frequently when she wanted me to do those things I had some completely reasonable, justifiable excuse not to (I worked 12 hours today and then mowed the lawn, do I really have to have sex tonight?), how happy would she be? So, I do it all anyway, whenever she asks, and more, because she does the same for me.

You have a contract, the other party fails to deliver, do still hold up your end? 'I agree to pay $10000 for this car" you don't get the money, do you still give up the car? "We agree to sacrfice our own self-interest to make each other as happy as they can be" do you want to be in that deal when it goes one-sided???


Dr. Laura's message is very traditional - "Wives, treat your man right and they will treat you right. Treat him bad and he won't stick around for it" What's wrong with that?

 

[Kreth]

In order to understand what she meant, you have to know the larger context of her position...

That she's a hypocritical nutjob windbag with a talk show? :lol:

 

[DavidCC]

Originally Posted by BrandiJo
Granted in America we really really like to play the blame game and not take responisbility for our own actions but when your pecker lands in someone who isnt your wife or girlfriend (willingly) i have a really really hard time understand how anyone forced you to do it.

I think when good husbands cheat, wives also need to take a good hard look at their role in that as well. They either married wrong or treated him bad. How's that for taking responsibility?

 

[DavidCC]

...hypocritical nutjob windbag with a talk show? :lol:

OK so you don't want to discuss what I wrote, you just want to bag on her. That's fine, but you haven't countered one point that I made.

 

[Kreth]

OK so you don't want to discuss what I wrote, you just want to bag on her. That's fine, but you haven't countered one point that I made.

Actually I thought that summed up her "position" nicely. Given her history, I'd take her recommendations on relationships about as seriously as dietary advice from Rush Limbaugh, or manners from Stern.

 

[punisher73]

Meh. She slept with a program director and posed nekkid for him to get her first radio gig.

As far as I'm concerned, she's just finding new ways of prostituting herself.

I'm glad a woman brought that up first! LOL.

I do think she is hypocritical for a lot of the things she says vs. what she has done. How can she make comments like these and then be involved with books like "No more Christian Nice Guy". What kind of advice is she REALLY going to be giving?

If Dr. Phil (or any other male) had given the same advice there would be a HUGE outcry in the media about how backwards and sexist those remarks are.

 

[DavidCC]

If Dr. Phil (or any other male) had given the same advice there would be a HUGE outcry in the media about how backwards and sexist those remarks are.

Well, good for her then, because that's how I prefer my marriage LOL "backwards and sexist".... or, more accurately, respecting of traditional gender roles. It seems to me it's only backwards if you are facing the wrong direction.

 

[punisher73]

Well, good for her then, because that's how I prefer my marriage LOL "backwards and sexist".... or, more accurately, respecting of traditional gender roles. It seems to me it's only backwards if you are facing the wrong direction.

Maybe I wasn't clear, I meant that it is backwards not to blame the person responsible (in this case the man cheating) and blaming it on the other party (in this case the wife). Instead of assigning blame to the man for making the choice to cheat.

I'm not sure where the respecting of traditional gender roles comes in. I do think it is sexist though to blame a woman for not "treating her man right" and saying that is the reason for his infidelity.

So, you are saying that when a man cheats, it's the woman's fault, and that this is the traditional gender role and is acceptable?

 

[shesulsa]

In order to understand what she meant, you have to know the larger context of her position, that is hard to do from one interview, and impossible from one snippet. It's kindof like judging someone's entire MA ability from a 2 minute YouTube video, but we would never do that would we???

There are some conclusions you can come to by a 2 minute video fairly concretely like, "boy that was dumb" or "that must have hurt" to "damn that form sucked!"

Let's *** U ME that these two had marital trouble or sex problems. Explain to me how buying a hooker helped or fixed the problem? It would have been an act of selfishness, not remedy that he was seeking. The "video" we'd be looking at would be a pilot taking the plane on a spinning nose-dive and ejecting without asking or warning the copilot, but hey - why would a copilot treat his perfectly good pilot with such neglect? Hm? Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

Even just looking at the one thing posted here, I think the key words are "his decision" and "perfectly good man".

When Dr. Laura describes how a wife should treat her husband, the underlying condition is that the husband DESERVES to be treated that way by being a good husband - a "perfectly good man".

To ME (looks around) a "perfectly good man" values the sexual act as sacred between marital partners, the one who takes taxpayer money and spends it on a $5k call-girl instead of manning up and facing the same misery his wife faces every day? Isn't a perfectly good man. That became his decision. So he really can't be considered with that caveat, can he?

Can I get an "Amen?"

I have never heard her give any husband a free pass for cheating. but I have heard her many times ask the wife why her husband felt the need to cheat. A husband whose wife is affectionate, attentive and caring would never even consider it (unless he is a dirtbag anyway,and then he doesn't deserve the good treatment, and is not covered by her statement).

Any good woman who loves sex, who is a free spirit and loves intimacy with her partner and who has been cheated on would say one word to this statement:

********.

If a wife treats a good honest husband poorly and he cheats, the point is not the he should be forgiven or not held accountable ("his decision"). I've never heard Dr Laura tell anyone that, ever. The point is that, in the situation where the wife treated a GOOD HUSBAD poorly enough that he was tempted to cheat, the wife's behavior contributed to the destruction of the marriage (again, assuming he was a good husband, not a immoral person who would cheat anyway) and that she could improve her life, in that marriage or in her next one, by understanding what her role in the failed marriage was.

So - if the marriage had failed, why weren't they separated or divorced first? And this was beyond cheating, this was patronizing a prostitution ring!! Sorry, no justifications other than self-centered, self-gratifying, corrupt, immoral behavior.

Listen, if she is willing to point the moral finger at the wife here, she needs to have a serious sit-down with her Rabbi - or maybe the Pope - or maybe the Dalai Lama because absconding with public funds to pay for illegal activity when you're the governor and cheating on your wife all at the same time??? That ain't moral behavior - but I'll tell you what is:

The PINNACLE of good moral behavior in this sad, sick story is the Governor's wife herself. THAT woman SACRAFICED HER GOOD NAME - her REPUTATION - her SELF-RESPECT - to stand by that man while he acknowledged his error, apologized to everyone and resigned his office. She had EVERY REASON and EVERY RIGHT to walk away, leave him be, but she STOOD BY HER VOWS AND STAYED WITH HIM THROUGH THAT PUBLIC STATEMENT.

If women had balls, hers would be bigger than mine.

too tired to be a good wife (or husband)? Nothing personal, but how selfish is that?

Huh??? *needs a map*

I am often too tired to do the lawn, take out the trash, go see what the 2am noise was, go shopping for curtains, or give detailed critique of her latest hair style, change the oil in all 3 cars, on and on... sometimes I am even too tired to have sex. But, if frequently when she wanted me to do those things I had some completely reasonable, justifiable excuse not to (I worked 12 hours today and then mowed the lawn, do I really have to have sex tonight?), how happy would she be? So, I do it all anyway, whenever she asks, and more, because she does the same for me.

Good for you. You're not under the strain of a political marriage. Hopefully if the two of you run into problems you will settle it morally and in accordance with the vows you took rather than the money and rocket in your pocket.

You have a contract, the other party fails to deliver, do still hold up your end? 'I agree to pay $10000 for this car" you don't get the money, do you still give up the car? "We agree to sacrfice our own self-interest to make each other as happy as they can be" do you want to be in that deal when it goes one-sided???

We're all still assuming that she had something to do with this - we don't know she did or didn't. Men cheat on the best wives all the time and vice-versa. See my comment above.

Dr. Laura's message is very traditional - "Wives, treat your man right and they will treat you right. Treat him bad and he won't stick around for it" What's wrong with that?

We have no way of knowing if he was mistreated or undernourished sexually nor anything at all. This is really jumping to conclusions. And if she *DID* treat him badly? He *did* stick around for it and made the problem many, many times worse than it had to be.

Originally Posted by BrandiJo
Granted in America we really really like to play the blame game and not take responisbility for our own actions but when your pecker lands in someone who isnt your wife or girlfriend (willingly) i have a really really hard time understand how anyone forced you to do it.

I think when good husbands cheat, wives also need to take a good hard look at their role in that as well. They either married wrong or treated him bad. How's that for taking responsibility?

What about him treating her bad? What if she withholds sex because her husband turned into an ******* and she can't get turned on by him anymore? How's THAT for taking responsibility?

 

[Archangel M]

Much like crime. The decision to steal is solely the "fault" of the person who stole. While other events like poverty, lack of opportunity, drug addiction and so on can all be "causal", it doesnt mean the person who steals is somehow exempt from "blame", responsibility and punishment for his actions.

I think thats where most of us who say "it takes two to tango" are going.

 

[Touch Of Death]

That she's a hypocritical nutjob windbag with a talk show? :lol:

Blasphemer!

 

[Touch Of Death]

Further, sexuality develops and changes as we get older so a previously compatible couple can become incompatible later on. Not one person's fault, just the way that it is, generally.

The idea is to combat that considering family.
sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

Gee this is an awful lot of talk about a woman whose husband cheated on her with a whore. He did cheat on her with a whore, right? And some doctor says its the wife's fault?

I know i'm a kid and have a lot to learn but this seems to be pretty darn clear to me.

The question is why.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

Uh ... okay. So ... there are some folks here who type very correct English and some who spell well and know their grammar well but type the way they talk.

Are you guys expecting me to type like an English major all the time?

Eventualy.
Sean

 

[shesulsa]

Eventualy.
Sean

That would be, "eventually." And if she does then we all do.

 

[newGuy12]

That would be, "eventually." And if she does then we all do.

Oh my! That will thin the herd a little if you make this a rule!

 

[Touch Of Death]

Oh my! That will thin the herd a little if you make this a rule!

Marshal Talk majors perhaps?
Sean

 

[Sukerkin]

:lol: Very subtle, ToD - earn a Word-play credit .

 

[shesulsa]

I just worry we'll scare all the high school juniors and seniors who come here and post somewhat intelligently ( or at least sincerely ) away.

No l33t, no txt, just a good attempt at proper English is fine.