Breeding paranoia?

[shesulsa]

This is a bit of a crossover topic with self-defense; I trust staff to move this where they see fit if necessary.

With the increased awareness that has come with martial arts / self-defense training along with some admitted hyper-vigilance on my part, it appears my teenage son is either just now starting to come into a strong awareness of his surroundings or he is having a flash of paranoia.

One ninja I'm acquainted with but who shall remain nameless has been known to say, "it's not whether or not you're paranoid, it's about whether or not you're paranoid enough!"

The weather here recently changed from cold and dry to windy and wet, so motor vehicular accidents are rampant and the sound of sirens are only recently virtually constant. While we were cleaning out the truck at the local car wash we watched the FIFTH ambulance and THIRD fire truck pass us by on the main drag. My son indicated that he was done cleaning and wanted to go home and get his folder before going anywhere else. I pointed out that we were not watching the SWAT team go by nor B&Ws, these were the sirens of EMTs. He asked, "yeah, but how did they get hurt???"

Later, he stepped out the front door and heard shots. *ahem* We live about three miles from a shooting range. He hurried inside to call his sister (to warn her, I assume).

Now ... we *have* had some interesting police activity close by very recently. I found myself encouraging the boy to listen to the sound of the shots to help determine their distance, eked him down the driveway so he could better hear the direction from where they came.

I want to think of this as a good sign - that he is waking up to an awareness of his surroundings - and a call to guidance so he learns how to interpret *personal* danger from *general* danger (and also from, of course *no* danger).

Thoughts? Comments? Similar experiences?

 

[fenglong]

Intuition has always been my most reliable gadget.

 

[Cyriacus]

I see nothing wrong with this - But surely Hes heard shots from the range before?

 

[jks9199]

Three miles from the range? I wouldn't think you'd hear much from the range, unless folks are firing some damn big guns...

 

[chinto]

I do not see a problem. besides, just because your paranoid does not mean that there are not people out there who are out to get you!

 

[Big Don]

Being aware of your surroundings is not paranoia and should be as natural as breathing.
Besides, just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean the tiny men with the machetes aren't swinging for your testicles...

 

[Brian King]

There is a big difference between action based on fear and action based on knowledge. That difference in perspective is very important. Is your son acting out of fear or out of knowledge? One perspective is to be sought and encouraged the other is to be understood and dealt with.

This new awareness on the part of your son is neither good or bad, it just is. What might be good or bad is the answer to where does the root of this behavior originate. Has your son recently witnessed something to make him more aware? Has he or a close friend or relative recently been bullied or otherwise victimized? Does he feel he must protect or is he looking for protection?

Regards
Brian King

 

[Jenna]

Agree 100% with Brian as above.

If it is ok I might suggest that your role as mother will, together with his life experiences, naturally have coloured his appraisal of and reaction to his environment. Since children are naturally perceptive, is there a chance he could be sensing any situational uncertainty from you as mom?

I would only suggest that you guide his assessment of the environment. It would be foolish to teach him that the world is a friendly place. Yet oversensitivity is, as I know you know, a huge stressor. We are right to be vigilant, though I think determining an appropriate level of vigilance is important for each situation we are in. This is no easy thing to learn or impart.

Please congratulate him for his astute observation. He is a bright boy. Only from experience, I would warn against intervening too strongly with logic (no matter how correct that is) as this can potentially further sharpen his fear. An irrational outlook can not generally be rationalised with pure fact and logic. Please ask for his appraisal which will let him know he can trust you to unload and will also give you a better indication of where his mind is and I know you will not belittle his logic no matter if it is irrational. I think if he knows he can trust you to attend to his thoughts it will feed into his sense of safety that he understands and naturally expects you to provide. As he gets older he will increasingly trust himself in his own defensive capabilities (he studies MA with you yes?) and when he trusts his ability to defend himself then he will realise that he can handle whatever there might be out there to fear. It is a lot to ask as a parent. I understand. That you have picked up upon this shows the extent to which you are sensitive to him. Be proud of him and of yourself and know and expect it to conclude in the best way and it surely will. My wishes, J

 

[Tez3]

Three miles from the range? I wouldn't think you'd hear much from the range, unless folks are firing some damn big guns...

We can hear the ranges where I am from over three miles, depends on which way the wind is blowing. That's the small arms range, the large stuff ie RPGs and the tank range which everyone hears which ever way the wind blows, sometimes it sounds like a war here. We also have the para-illums going up. Then of course we have people out shooting game.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I agree with all of that. I always trust my gut; always. Sometimes it has led me to do things in a overly-careful or circuitous manner that in the end was probably not necessary, but it has never led me into the path of danger and it has at times led me away from it.

I have also said for some time that of course I am paranoid, but am I paranoid enough? Love that saying.

My paranoia makes me do things that others find unusual, if they notice at all. My cars never have dome lights. I don't want to be a silhouette, and I know where everything in car is.

However, I also do things that many do not, even though who say they support situational awareness and self-defense. That means having bottled water on hand, as well as canned food. It means knowing how to exit my house at night, without lights, crawling along the floor. It means having an established family Rally Point miles from our home for various emergencies that might prevent us from returning home but being separated. It means knowing where to go in certain natural circumstances, and what resources are available. It means having a manual pump that can pull gasoline out of an underground service station's tanks if need be (no power means no gas, no gas means no leaving in a realistic sense). It means having at least one vehicle that has points and plugs and no electronic ignition or onboard computer in case of EMP.

It means knowing how to shoot, having something to shoot with, and having ammunition. How, where, and what what to loot. Hint: it's not big screen TV's or clothes.

I'm not even a 'survivalist'. I doubt my ability to live off the land for an extended period of time, let alone for life. But I want to be able to survive a Katrina-level event that knocks us off the grid for weeks to months if possible. I want not to be carjacked, I want to be able to get out of my house in a fire, or even survive a couple weeks if we have a solar flare that knocks out the North American power grid.

As to gunfire; I grew up hunting. I know what a shotgun, pistol, and rifle sounds like, as well as the difference between high and low caliber. I was in the Marines, so I know what arty and mortars sound like. I even know (sadly) what the sound of a crashing aircraft is.

 

[shesulsa]

Thanks, all.

As to the range, it is an outdoor range and there is a greenspace/power easement strip leading almost directly to it so sound does tend to travel.

I'm not looking to squash his awareness development at all and I totally agree with Bill's level of vigilance. What I HOPE to do is help him develop this without him becoming so paranoid he makes fatal errors.

I don't think my daughter ever really went through this, so it's kind of neat to watch.

 

[Flea]

I love Brian's point about whether his reaction comes from a place of paranoia and fear, or knowledge.

To that I would add the point of what he does with his reaction. If he scurries home and cowers under the bed, or swaggers outside to to get involved in an unhealthy way, that's problematic. If he simply takes note and makes any necessary change in plans based on it, then job well done!

 

[Carol]

It could be a sign of emotional trauma or abuse of some kind. He hasn't been protected enough from something that hurt him, so he needs to now step in the role of protector.

 

[shesulsa]

I love Brian's point about whether his reaction comes from a place of paranoia and fear, or knowledge.

To that I would add the point of what he does with his reaction. If he scurries home and cowers under the bed, or swaggers outside to to get involved in an unhealthy way, that's problematic. If he simply takes note and makes any necessary change in plans based on it, then job well done!

It seems to be a combination of all of the above in both tangents. 1. His reaction seems to come from knowledge of what has happened in our neighborhood lately, coming into awareness of what gunshots sound like (the range seems to be increasing their customer base as of late) and he knows awareness is key.

That said, his reaction (running inside to phone his sister, expressing the desire to have weapon nearby) is rather juvenile. He is, after all, 13 years old. At least, however, he *noticed* them. He never has before.

I'm likening this to how all new expansions in living happen to all of us at his time in life - everything seems so very much bigger than it really is. First love is worth dying for, being denied video games for a week is worth running away for, etcetera.

Jenna pointed out some very good advice - introducing logic into the situation could actually not be the best thing all the time, rather lead him with questions and ascertain HIS perspective. Pondering this.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

It seems to be a combination of all of the above in both tangents. 1. His reaction seems to come from knowledge of what has happened in our neighborhood lately, coming into awareness of what gunshots sound like (the range seems to be increasing their customer base as of late) and he knows awareness is key.

That said, his reaction (running inside to phone his sister, expressing the desire to have weapon nearby) is rather juvenile. He is, after all, 13 years old. At least, however, he *noticed* them. He never has before.

I'm likening this to how all new expansions in living happen to all of us at his time in life - everything seems so very much bigger than it really is. First love is worth dying for, being denied video games for a week is worth running away for, etcetera.

Jenna pointed out some very good advice - introducing logic into the situation could actually not be the best thing all the time, rather lead him with questions and ascertain HIS perspective. Pondering this.

Regarding weapons...several reports recently on MT of teens defending themselves and homes with guns from people who kicked the door in. For that to happen, there must be a gun present, the child must know how and when to use it (and when not to use it), must be trained in gun safety and marksmanship, and their parents must trust that their child will do the right thing if and when called upon. I read those stories recently and wondered what would have happened if the parent had kept the gun hidden from the child, or locked away where they could not get at it. Some children are responsible enough to be trusted with access to deadly weapons, some parents are able to recognize this. I fear for the people who say "I'd rather my son call 911." I know too much about reality to believe that's a good solution.

 

[shesulsa]

Regarding weapons...several reports recently on MT of teens defending themselves and homes with guns from people who kicked the door in. For that to happen, there must be a gun present, the child must know how and when to use it (and when not to use it), must be trained in gun safety and marksmanship, and their parents must trust that their child will do the right thing if and when called upon. I read those stories recently and wondered what would have happened if the parent had kept the gun hidden from the child, or locked away where they could not get at it. Some children are responsible enough to be trusted with access to deadly weapons, some parents are able to recognize this. I fear for the people who say "I'd rather my son call 911." I know too much about reality to believe that's a good solution.

He is receiving weapons training.