The Year "2035"

[Disco]

NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th Largest Country in the World-----California.....

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's 3rd language...

"BABY CONCEIVED NATURALLY"... Scientists stumped??

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon.....

"CUBA"; Castro finally dies at age 112: Cuban cigars can now be imported legally. President Chelsea Clinton however has banned all smoking........

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.....

Postal Service rasies rate of first class stamp to $17.98 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.......

**BULLETIN** - 35 YEAR GOVERNMENTAL STUDY SAYS: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss........

The government tax rebate funding from 2003 has finally been approved........

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative......

Supreme Court rules, Punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. In a related story, 2 ACLU lawyers found dead from being overjoyed...........

In Sports, Average height of NBA players is now at 9 feet 7 inches.

New Federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw drivers, fly swatters and rolled up newspapers must be REGISTERED by January 2036......

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts......

Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%...........

FLORIDA DEMOCRATS still don't know how to use voting machines.

 

[michaeledward]

Massachusetts will never have a death penalty. (Insert your own joke here about driving with a Kennedy).

Mike from New Hampshire (formerly from Massachusetts).

 

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by michaeledward
Massachusetts will never have a death penalty. (Insert your own joke here about driving with a Kennedy).

Why? Chappaquiddick was a dead loss...

 

[Reprobate]

England still clings to Euro, puts new Pan-European barter system on hold.

French claim 'Champagne has always been toxic, all non-toxic bubbly wine not real Champagne'.

Greenpeace chairperson bashes Japan for not hunting enough whales - 'Everyone needs to help keep these pests within boundaries'.

Netherlands and France still refusing to divide Belgium until Belgian National Deficit is resolved.

Keith Richards buried without embalming - Funeral Director states 'Richards embalmed himself thirty years ago'.

Elvis spotted with Jim Morrison in Amsterdam - 'Cannabis delusion?'

New Africa refuses loan to Russia, citing lack of help in 20th Century.

Japan reverts to feudal system - 'everything better in Edo period'.

 

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by Reprobate
Japan reverts to feudal system - 'everything better in Edo period'.

Too late; it's like that already.

 

[Reprobate]

Originally posted by Kimpatsu
Too late; it's like that already.

It is? Can I wear my sword over there and lob the heads off of peasants?

 

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by Reprobate
It is? Can I wear my sword over there and lob the heads off of peasants?

Be my guest.
Start with my neighbours. :samurai:

 

[Andi]

Originally posted by Reprobate
England still clings to Euro, puts new Pan-European barter system on hold.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Haha That's unbelievable! So true.

 

[theletch1]

O.J. Simpson moves man hunt for the "real" killers to golf courses in Scotland.

California announces candidates for quarterly gubernatorial elections.