@Blindsage
I have some pushing hands experience, but we mostly practice against strikes and pushing. I get a little fearful of grappling and my instructor does not usually use much force or strength to take me down, even considering how large he is. (He's bigger than the guy I was facing. I could tell the difference. When I face my instructor, I feel as if he did almost nothing to get me where I am. When I fought my friend, I felt like I was holding off a boulder). Though, even in pushing hands, I have trouble knowing when to attack. I also have trouble with Qin na.
Okay I am not a taijiquan guy but I do know a little about sparring and grappling. You said you are a good striker. So why did you not strike? It seems to me like you almost put one or both hands behind your back and said to your opponent let's have a go. Not necessarily good on your part. If you do not want to strike him because you might hurt him then at least utilize pushes with your hands to his head to control his center. Personally, I never did like getting involved in friendly matches where I would have to limit what I do. That gives away too much of an advantage to your opponent. Imagine your friend saying okay I will not grapple or try to take you down when that is what he is good at. Either engage with what you do best with rules of course and some way to be safe or don't engage. Just sayin.
Your points are great. Still, he is a friend of mine. I do not wish to hurt him.
1. Tai Ji strikes are not aimed at the muscles. They're aimed at the bones or vitals generally (Kidney shots, balls, eyes, etc...)
2. He has little idea how to strike. I feel it would be unfair.
3. I am a terrible grappler and want to become better at Tai Ji Quan grappling.
Once I teach my friend how to strike, then I will allow rules. Otherwise, I could have struck his arm easily, kidney shotted him, poked him in the eyes, punched him in the throat, struck his heart, kicked him in the crotch, etc...
My goal is not to win, but to become a better practitioner. I know many say "winning is becoming better", but I never believe this. From the matches I lost (5/5 matches lost), I learned more about myself and about my friend.
One thing I learned is, he likes learning to fight as well and loves professional wrestling. (I knew the liking of professional wrestling part) He has monitored and does practice it sometimes and does work out. I do not work out and wish to fight using technique over strength, however, I am unsure of his minset. I think he loves wrestling due to it's cheesyness, but he does pay attention to the moves and train in strength for health reasons and this is what I learned.
We are both amateurs. These are mine and his stats at an amateur level. (Meaning the numbers are relative to amateur rank,
NOT master or professional rank)
Me
Relaxation - 5/10 - I do have social anxiety. This is actually good for me considering this and it is due to Tai Ji. I remained relaxed throughout the match but I will admit he was more relaxed than me. I was a bit nervous but had a kind of an odd flow in this. I would circulate between relaxed and nervous. I know the first lu the best, but it is still my weakest due to my anxiety. When I started Tai Ji, my relaxation would be at a negative point. By negative, I mean it would have been -10/10. The first lu is my best. I practice it slowly and have it memorized like the back of my hand because of my love for it. It has helped me not only in martial arts, but in life. It is something that always reminds me, I will be better as long as I practice.
Technique - 6/10 - The reason my technique was better was because, I actually was far more capable of escaping his grabs and knew how to keep him from overpowering me for the most part. He had very few moves and would mostly attempt to either lift me up with strength or overwhelm me by trying to use his whole wait to pull me to the ground. During this, I was capable of leading him. If it was a real fight, I could have actually pushed him against a wall, however, I don't want to break anything and we would move away from the wall in order for safe measure. For the most part, I would resist just enough to keep him off me and allow him to waste energy. This makes me think I should have been patient, however his stamina is better than mine. I lost no real energy during the fight, except when he'd pin me to the ground.
Balance - 6/10 - I was stable enough to keep standing and walking while he was grappling me considering his strength and was able to stay on my fight. My knees were bent just enough when they needed to be.
Flexibility - 5/10 - He was moving rather rigidly whenever he'd move. I would retreat a lot, however, I was capable of moving my body to places that allowed me to move and escape his grabs and such. The flexibility was mostly my attempts at escaping. However, I was rather unsure what to do at that point.
Strength - 2/10 - I will be brutally honest. I have very little muscle. All the muscle I've gained has been from doing the form and even then, that takes time compared to what he does.
Friend
Relaxation - 6/10 - He joked around a lot and was comfortable most of the time. He was more relaxed than me but I could tell he'd stiffen up when he'd grapple me. Plus, he's naturally more relaxed than me.
Technique - 4/10 - His technique revolved around very few moves and all of them involving brute strength. He was just as unsure of what to do during the clinching parts of our fight as I was but would attempt to overwhelm me with pure, brute strength to try to get me to the ground and pin me using his weight.
Balance - 4/10 - His stance was a little poor. He would never be completely stable, but being a big guy, it was hard for me to consider my options. I was a little intimidated by his sized and overthought a lot, however his stances would either be very closed or involved a lot of forward momentum. Twisting my waist didn't throw him off balance, but I could tell that he'd have trouble standing if I did twist my waist. However, this was hard due to all the force being pushed against my whole body.
Flexibility - 3/10 - He wouldn't really escape many of my moves or pushes. Most of him relied on strength and some wrestling technique. However, I say he's inflexible because, he would have a very hard time getting in on me considering I was smaller. For the most part, he would clinch.
Strength - 9/10 - This is definitely where he beats me. He has a lot more strength than me and is naturally taller than me. Most of the times he won involved lifting me over his shoulder and pinning me to the floor. He would use a lot of his strength when clinching and immediately tried to bring me to the ground. He would almost NEVER use one hand, but both and use his body usually. He wouldn't go low for balance, but to make an attempt to grab my leg. He would go high in order to bring me down from the top. But most of it involved him sitting on me/pinning me. While he pinned me, he'd use his body to crush me while I was on the floor.
In any case, this is just my evaluation.
