Ego problems/interference and self doubt

[TrainHardFightEasy]

Hey All,

This is my first post and I want to raise an issue which i'm sure affects and limits us at some stage in our training/teaching.

It's somewhat to do with the ego and self doubt. It can be quite silly really. I mean things that affect your mental toughness and can make you almost think you don't just have what it takes to kick some serious butt in a real serious situation.

Speaking for myself, I'm not a small guy and do well for myself, but this stupid idea that my hands are 'too small' really gets to me sometimes and even though I know it's silly I still think that all the time, and imagine how much more 'effective' I could be if my hands were bigger. It can be quite disheartening. Another problem is I had an accident when I was 13 and now I got less than 1 and half gonads (testes). That makes me wonder if I'd be anymore manly or aggressive (once again 'effective') when it comes to the crunch. It too really bothers me and makes me feel ripped off.

Anyone got any similar issues and know any ways around it?? Like perhaps just training like a beast untill you really believe in yourself your at a level you want to be at. I'm sure this sort of thing is very common in such a somewhat ego thriving sport and proffesion.

 

[ChingChuan]

Hi! Welcome to this forum

At first, I don't know whether you need to be agressive at all in order to be good at a MA. I am totally not agressive, don't even want to become it but I think I'm still doing a good job . But it's probably because of the fact that I'm a woman

Regarding self-doubt, I was having some problems with it (I've only got one eye so I was afraid that I was doing everything wrong etc because I'm extremely bad at mimicking things) but I just went to my instructor and asked him about it. He said I was doing very well and that - apparently - I'm quite fast with learning a new technique so, whenever I doubt myself, I remember his words. I mean, if he's not correcting my technique I'll just assume I'm doing it the right way .
So, if I were you, I'd just go to my instructor - you could ask him whether you're disadventaged because you've got small hands or something. Also, if your instructor knows about your insecurity, he could try to help you with it etc.

 

[Shaderon]

We all doubt ourselves at some point, the trick is gathering enough strength and knowing yourself enough to learn your true abilities, not the ones you fear might be true.

One of the ways I've found is to watch other people, most people are only concerned with how they appear to others, watch how others appear to each other and measure how you appear to them against this, you should soon realise that you measure up pretty well considering what your instructor has sais to you about picking up techniques quickly.

 

[Drac]

We all doubt ourselves at some point, the trick is gathering enough strength and knowing yourself enough to learn your true abilities, not the ones you fear might be true.

One of the ways I've found is to watch other people, most people are only concerned with how they appear to others, watch how others appear to each other and measure how you appear to them against this, you should soon realise that you measure up pretty well considering what your instructor has sais to you about picking up techniques quickly.

Bravo m'dear well said..I've seen others with worse injuries become excellent MA and fighters...

 

[bydand]

I would have to think that every normal person who is involved in the MA's have doubts about themselves. If you don't, then there is no real incentive to train and do better. Also if someone doesn't have doubts at times about themselves, they are living a fairy-tale, because everybody has something to work on.

For you right now it is small hands and maybe not enough aggression. Others may see those exact things as their strong points. Personally, I would rather have a bit smaller hands as long as they are strong enough to deliver a blow without damaging them. I've been hit more than I care to admit (99.9% of the time due to my own rather large mouth ) and find those small bony knuckles hurt far worse than those large meaty paws some people have. As for aggression, usually it works against a person in a real fight. You get too aggressive and start to leave openings where a more cautious person will not usually. I thinks Shaderon has a good point, look around your class, everybody you see there has their own doubts about something. I'll bet dollars to donuts nobody else has noticed what to you is huge, glaring "defects" in both your own physiological and psychological make-up.

Simply put: Train, learn, grow.

 

[qi-tah]

Hey All,

This is my first post and I want to raise an issue which i'm sure affects and limits us at some stage in our training/teaching.

It's somewhat to do with the ego and self doubt. It can be quite silly really. I mean things that affect your mental toughness and can make you almost think you don't just have what it takes to kick some serious butt in a real serious situation.

Speaking for myself, I'm not a small guy and do well for myself, but this stupid idea that my hands are 'too small' really gets to me sometimes and even though I know it's silly I still think that all the time, and imagine how much more 'effective' I could be if my hands were bigger. It can be quite disheartening. Another problem is I had an accident when I was 13 and now I got less than 1 and half gonads (testes). That makes me wonder if I'd be anymore manly or aggressive (once again 'effective') when it comes to the crunch. It too really bothers me and makes me feel ripped off.

Anyone got any similar issues and know any ways around it?? Like perhaps just training like a beast untill you really believe in yourself your at a level you want to be at. I'm sure this sort of thing is very common in such a somewhat ego thriving sport and proffesion.

Hi there THFE;

Nice one for yr first post!

I can kinda relate to what you are talking about... the ego/self doubt thing anyway. I tend to find that they are pretty much 2 sides of the same coin - i only need to inflate my ego with comparisons with others if i'm doubting my own worth as a student. And any kind of competitive thing will bring out the instinct to compare; where am i in relation to my peers or competitors? - which leads to ego, then self-doubt again as the hunter becomes the hunted or whatever etc. It seems sometimes as though martial arts were specifically designed for people to work through their ego issues!

As for yr worries about yr testosterone levels, i reckon you can relax there... chances are that you have a normal amount in your bloodstream, the accident none withstanding. You don't need both testes to produce enough of the hormone - nature is really good at the redundancy thing, which is why we have appendixes and wisdom teeth and all sorts of stuff that we can get along without! Also, yr testes aren't the only gland that makes the stuff - the adrenal glands (that sit on top of yr kidneys) pump out a bit of testosterone too - that's primarily where women get it from. (Yes, we women produce testosterone as well... just not as much as the fellas!)

 

[TrainHardFightEasy]

Thanks for the positive feed back so far guys. Some very valid points there I havn't really considered before. And thanks for the info on the testosterone qi-tah! I feel like a machine already lol

 

[Em MacIntosh]

Small hands concentrate more force in a smaller area and are often more dangerous than big hands. I suggest building the wrists up. If your wrists don't bend, your bones stay alligned and you can hit much harder. It's not everyone's cup of tea but I do makiwara and breaking. I've heard others say it's good for confidence. I had the same concerns with my small hands but now my wrist doesn't bend much anymore and my knuckles are pretty hard. Make a decision how tough you want your hands though cuz it'll cost ya varying degrees of mobility and arthritis the harder you train. I just find it worked perfect for me. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while.

 

[bluemtn]

Small hands concentrate more force in a smaller area and are often more dangerous than big hands. I suggest building the wrists up. If your wrists don't bend, your bones stay alligned and you can hit much harder. It's not everyone's cup of tea but I do makiwara and breaking. I've heard others say it's good for confidence. I had the same concerns with my small hands but now my wrist doesn't bend much anymore and my knuckles are pretty hard. Make a decision how tough you want your hands though cuz it'll cost ya varying degrees of mobility and arthritis the harder you train. I just find it worked perfect for me. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while.

I agree with strengthening the wrists, and smaller hands can do the same amount of damage as larger. Also, I second what this person said about toughening the hands- calcium deposits in the knuckles, arthritis, there are chances of breaking your hands- if they're small or large, it doesn't matter.

Focus on the positive to build your confidence. What are your strengths? You said you aren't small statured. Are you fast? What techniques suit you the best when sparring? Then work on those areas that don't suit you so well. Take those in chunks... Confidence in yourself can take you a long way, is my main point.

And no, that won't make you any less aggressive in a fight.