KenpoTex
Senior Master
The Ownership Of Two Cows In Various Political Systems:
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes the cows and
puts
them in a barn with everyone one elses cows. You have to take care of
all
the cows but the government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them
and
puts them in a barn with everyone elses cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk
and
eggs as current regulations allow.
Facism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care
of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them
and you all share the milk.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them but
the
government takes all the milk.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
Singaporian Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you
for service.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to
decide who gets the milk.
American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote
for their party. After the election, the President is impeached for
speculating in cow futures and the press dubs the affair, "Cowgate".
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and
they go
mad. The government does nothing.
Pure Bureacracy: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates
what
and when you can feed them as well as when you can milk them. Then it
pays
you not to milk them. After that, it takes both cows, shoots one, milks
the
other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill
out
forms accounting for the missing cows.
Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair market
price
or the neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and purchase a bull.
Hong Kong Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company using letters of credit obtained by your
brother in
law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping
five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by a majority
stockholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows milk back to the
listed
company. The annual report states that the company owns eight cows
with an
option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows due to bad Feng
Shui.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans milking or
killing
cows.
Feminism: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and
denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Political Correctness: You have two cows. Since ownership is a symbol
of the
phallo-centric, war mongering and intolerant past, the government
describes
you as associated with two differently-aged (but no less valuable to
society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes the cows and
puts
them in a barn with everyone one elses cows. You have to take care of
all
the cows but the government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them
and
puts them in a barn with everyone elses cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk
and
eggs as current regulations allow.
Facism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care
of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them
and you all share the milk.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them but
the
government takes all the milk.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
Singaporian Democracy: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you
for service.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to
decide who gets the milk.
American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote
for their party. After the election, the President is impeached for
speculating in cow futures and the press dubs the affair, "Cowgate".
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and
they go
mad. The government does nothing.
Pure Bureacracy: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates
what
and when you can feed them as well as when you can milk them. Then it
pays
you not to milk them. After that, it takes both cows, shoots one, milks
the
other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill
out
forms accounting for the missing cows.
Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair market
price
or the neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and purchase a bull.
Hong Kong Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company using letters of credit obtained by your
brother in
law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping
five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by a majority
stockholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows milk back to the
listed
company. The annual report states that the company owns eight cows
with an
option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows due to bad Feng
Shui.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans milking or
killing
cows.
Feminism: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and
denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Political Correctness: You have two cows. Since ownership is a symbol
of the
phallo-centric, war mongering and intolerant past, the government
describes
you as associated with two differently-aged (but no less valuable to
society) bovines of non-specified gender.
