Got these from another discussion group. Had to share 'em here. heh
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared.
Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. "
An 80-year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how hes feeling. The 80-year-old says, "Ive never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was out hunting, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went bang, bang. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "Id say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
There were two old fellows who were chatting.
Suddenly one of them asked, "What in the world is that sticking out of your right ear?"
The other, with a puzzled look, said, "I don't know", and reached up pulling out the object, then exclaimed, "My word, a suppository!"
Then he slapped his forehead and excitedly declared, "Now I know what I did with my hearing aid."
Three little old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
