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I recently had a student ask me for advice on dealing with bullies. Not just the schoolyard, knuckle sandwich kind, but the everyday lout who gets in our faces and pushes our limits. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders and political affiliations, and it sometimes seems as though our choices in dealing with them are to yield to their aggressive whims or stand our ground.
For the sake of argument, Ive identified two types of bullies. The first everyone recognizes: the type A macho redneck jock who gives wedgies to the weaker boys on the playground, cuts in line, etc. Many of us can relate to the humiliation that the Trench Coat Mafia is said to have endured at the hands of Columbine Highs jocks. If they had stood their ground when younger, would they have snapped with such atavistic rage as teenagers?
The second bully is subtler, better camouflaged, and of a sort especially plentiful in Northern New Mexico, in Santa Fe, the City Different: they believe themselves to be more enlightened, compassionate and wise. They flock to Santa Fe to save New Mexico from New Mexicans and force their trendy values on everyone. They shout Celebrate diversity! while waging cultural war on everyone different; what they really mean is Be like me! In the name of compassion, they condemn anyone who doesnt yield to their politically correct agenda as stupid and evil. They force their opinions on complete strangers with bumper stickers that shout Im more compassionate than you, so my opinion is more important. They demand that the world conform to their values, and keep pace with each changing nuance of their personal agendas.
Is the compassionate bully better than the jock bully? They seem just as pushy, arrogant, and disrespectful, but where the jock pushes until he meets resistance, and then tends to respect those who stand their ground, the enlightenment bully seems too vain and narcissistic to ever respect anything except his mirror reflection.
The Tolerance Terrorists and Diversity Dictators hold such sway in this part of the world that it is rare to ever see them challenged. OF course, I do it on a regular basis, mainly because they present themselves as such tempting targets. They delight in pointing out the perceived faults of others (Ooooh. You STILL eat meat?Tsk-tsk!), but squeal like stuck pigs if you shine the light in their own dark corners. There are, of course, those who generally respect other cultures, religions and values, and are truly tolerant of others. Generally, they dont brag about it through their bumper stickers. (Thought for a new bumper sticker: Free yourself, then free Tibet. )
How could bullying exist among schoolchildren, if it werent learned at home, or through the media? If you take one or two of these examples, by themselves, they may seem insignificant, but when you add them all together, you begin to see the spirit-crushing, soul-damaging, overwhelming pressure to conform. This is difficult enough for adults, but it is absolutely criminal to force children into a system that breaks their spirits in the name of education. The system, beginning at the earliest stages of the education process, rewards a non-critical conformity, and punishes creativity and initiative. Were bullied into either playing the game, or suffering the fate of an outsider. Theyre socializing us into being the compliant employees the production line demands, or the slack jawed yes-men that politics demands. In school, most of us werent jocks or cheerleaders. We werent voted most popular, or cutest, or most likely to succeed. Ill be honest with you, for a while I played the game-and had some small success, but, in retrospect, I can see that the role of outsider was always my destiny, and a sort of blessing, and, in the end, it was only their social distaste for my skin color that made me an outsider. Today, thats not the case. I wont play, because, from where I stand now, the game looks rotten and decadent. They can keep their affirmative action, thank you very much. I wont be bullied into playing an unjust game thats already rigged, even if I might benefit from it on a personal level.
Before examining how society deals with bullies, it might be useful to examine how society bullies others. Americans have military bases in over 120 countries. The USA prowls the world, seeking those it can dominate. This country has become an international bully, imposing its will on anyone it chooses. The Americans have the biggest guns, and dominate because of military superiority, making the world secure- not for its citizens, as the president said in his past state of the union addresses, and will say again tonight- but for American Big Business. Americans fall for the propaganda, somehow believing that they are Gods Chosen new People, whose Manifest Destiny is to rule the world., and that they are being made safe and secure through the actions of their government.
Today America, tomorrow the world-sound familiar?
We find ourselves in a scary situation where the Democrats bully others as gleefully as the Republicans do. Bullies rarely see themselves as bullies, either individually or as societies. Our Bible-misquoting president seems to have forgotten some things that his favorite philosopher, Jesus, once said: If you live by the sword, you shall die by the sword. The born-again fundamentalists are very selective in the scripture they quote, but all the helicopters and missiles in the world wont protect us from the Law of Karma: what you put out does come back.
How do we, as a society, deal with bullies? We often elect them to public office. We name highways, government buildings, bridges and airports in their honor. We look to them as our saviors, both politically and, sometimes, spiritually. In New Mexico, we give legislators special red license plates, so that everyone can see how important they are, but mostly so the cops dont bother them. So, were taught, or should I say, indoctrinated from the very beginning that bullying pays off. They dont call it bullying, of course. Sometimes they call it being a public servant, or an activist or advocate, still watch how they behave: they shout, scream, and malign others, whenever they need to, in order to have their way. Ignore what they say, but pay close attention to what they do.
How do we as martial artists, deal with bullies? There are any number of ways. Often, my first inclination is to tell them to piss off. My first inclination, however, isnt always whats best. My second inclination is to remind myself that I have a choice. I can choose not to add to verbal and physical violence; I can make a choice to stand quietly, but firmly grounded in my own truth-this is what I strive for. Sometimes Im successful, and sometimes Im not. Sometimes, you have to argue, or even break heads. What I wont do is spout off what I see as nonsense, just because its the party line, or whats expected of me.
In conclusion, I have a feeling that the first type of bully sometimes grows up to be the second type. Hubris is blind to truth. A path without truth, and material power without compassion is a recipe for disaster. Our society will discover this for itself, soon enough.
For the sake of argument, Ive identified two types of bullies. The first everyone recognizes: the type A macho redneck jock who gives wedgies to the weaker boys on the playground, cuts in line, etc. Many of us can relate to the humiliation that the Trench Coat Mafia is said to have endured at the hands of Columbine Highs jocks. If they had stood their ground when younger, would they have snapped with such atavistic rage as teenagers?
The second bully is subtler, better camouflaged, and of a sort especially plentiful in Northern New Mexico, in Santa Fe, the City Different: they believe themselves to be more enlightened, compassionate and wise. They flock to Santa Fe to save New Mexico from New Mexicans and force their trendy values on everyone. They shout Celebrate diversity! while waging cultural war on everyone different; what they really mean is Be like me! In the name of compassion, they condemn anyone who doesnt yield to their politically correct agenda as stupid and evil. They force their opinions on complete strangers with bumper stickers that shout Im more compassionate than you, so my opinion is more important. They demand that the world conform to their values, and keep pace with each changing nuance of their personal agendas.
Is the compassionate bully better than the jock bully? They seem just as pushy, arrogant, and disrespectful, but where the jock pushes until he meets resistance, and then tends to respect those who stand their ground, the enlightenment bully seems too vain and narcissistic to ever respect anything except his mirror reflection.
The Tolerance Terrorists and Diversity Dictators hold such sway in this part of the world that it is rare to ever see them challenged. OF course, I do it on a regular basis, mainly because they present themselves as such tempting targets. They delight in pointing out the perceived faults of others (Ooooh. You STILL eat meat?Tsk-tsk!), but squeal like stuck pigs if you shine the light in their own dark corners. There are, of course, those who generally respect other cultures, religions and values, and are truly tolerant of others. Generally, they dont brag about it through their bumper stickers. (Thought for a new bumper sticker: Free yourself, then free Tibet. )
How could bullying exist among schoolchildren, if it werent learned at home, or through the media? If you take one or two of these examples, by themselves, they may seem insignificant, but when you add them all together, you begin to see the spirit-crushing, soul-damaging, overwhelming pressure to conform. This is difficult enough for adults, but it is absolutely criminal to force children into a system that breaks their spirits in the name of education. The system, beginning at the earliest stages of the education process, rewards a non-critical conformity, and punishes creativity and initiative. Were bullied into either playing the game, or suffering the fate of an outsider. Theyre socializing us into being the compliant employees the production line demands, or the slack jawed yes-men that politics demands. In school, most of us werent jocks or cheerleaders. We werent voted most popular, or cutest, or most likely to succeed. Ill be honest with you, for a while I played the game-and had some small success, but, in retrospect, I can see that the role of outsider was always my destiny, and a sort of blessing, and, in the end, it was only their social distaste for my skin color that made me an outsider. Today, thats not the case. I wont play, because, from where I stand now, the game looks rotten and decadent. They can keep their affirmative action, thank you very much. I wont be bullied into playing an unjust game thats already rigged, even if I might benefit from it on a personal level.
Before examining how society deals with bullies, it might be useful to examine how society bullies others. Americans have military bases in over 120 countries. The USA prowls the world, seeking those it can dominate. This country has become an international bully, imposing its will on anyone it chooses. The Americans have the biggest guns, and dominate because of military superiority, making the world secure- not for its citizens, as the president said in his past state of the union addresses, and will say again tonight- but for American Big Business. Americans fall for the propaganda, somehow believing that they are Gods Chosen new People, whose Manifest Destiny is to rule the world., and that they are being made safe and secure through the actions of their government.
Today America, tomorrow the world-sound familiar?
We find ourselves in a scary situation where the Democrats bully others as gleefully as the Republicans do. Bullies rarely see themselves as bullies, either individually or as societies. Our Bible-misquoting president seems to have forgotten some things that his favorite philosopher, Jesus, once said: If you live by the sword, you shall die by the sword. The born-again fundamentalists are very selective in the scripture they quote, but all the helicopters and missiles in the world wont protect us from the Law of Karma: what you put out does come back.
How do we, as a society, deal with bullies? We often elect them to public office. We name highways, government buildings, bridges and airports in their honor. We look to them as our saviors, both politically and, sometimes, spiritually. In New Mexico, we give legislators special red license plates, so that everyone can see how important they are, but mostly so the cops dont bother them. So, were taught, or should I say, indoctrinated from the very beginning that bullying pays off. They dont call it bullying, of course. Sometimes they call it being a public servant, or an activist or advocate, still watch how they behave: they shout, scream, and malign others, whenever they need to, in order to have their way. Ignore what they say, but pay close attention to what they do.
How do we as martial artists, deal with bullies? There are any number of ways. Often, my first inclination is to tell them to piss off. My first inclination, however, isnt always whats best. My second inclination is to remind myself that I have a choice. I can choose not to add to verbal and physical violence; I can make a choice to stand quietly, but firmly grounded in my own truth-this is what I strive for. Sometimes Im successful, and sometimes Im not. Sometimes, you have to argue, or even break heads. What I wont do is spout off what I see as nonsense, just because its the party line, or whats expected of me.
In conclusion, I have a feeling that the first type of bully sometimes grows up to be the second type. Hubris is blind to truth. A path without truth, and material power without compassion is a recipe for disaster. Our society will discover this for itself, soon enough.
