At work

[Sin]

I was at work last night and one of the back line employees at the Arby's I work at, and i got into an aruement and it reached a level where he was yellinga tme in my face so close my eyes where watering from his bad breath. the yelling part was disrespectful on his part but I let that one slide, i kept my cool taking the verbal abuse...in front of costomers i might add, and what made me angry wasn't that, there where two things, 1) he was yelling about going to my general manager about the arguement, and threatening my job of one and a half years. 2) He raised his hand to me. Now i didn't physically do anything to him whats so ever, he treatened my health and my job....needless to say it made me rather angry. I held it all in until i got home and wailed on my punching bag for about twenty minutes.....

now what I am worried about is not my health (I can handle myself in that Dept.) but its my job...i need it till i start working at UPS this summer. i need to know what you guys think, will i get the boot for arguing with someone and him running off and telling the GM?

*the agruement was started by him and I being buddy buddy, and I told him some personal information in confidentiality. he then presued to tell everyone that was working that day. Now this guy had been working here for about three months and at the beginning of these three months he has had reports on him fooling around with underage high school girls, and arby's is right across the street from my high school, hence the reason why i have been there for 1 1/2 years. anywho fathers of young girls would curse out my manager for hireing him and well i don't know what the guy told my manager but he got to keep his job there. there are rumors that cerculate around my school about him, he has had his tires slahed by these girls older brothers, and it just not a pretty picture all together. out of anger I called this guy a Child molester in front of everyone(but not costomers), hence the violent reaction suppose. the personal information was indeed personal. i could have reacted violently and done serious harm to this guy, but I didn't, and I controlled myself, and i battled him with my words*

 

[The Kai]

Yellling accusations in the heat of anger is'nt gon to diffuse the situation!!

 

[KenpoTess]

Only your boss can say whether you keep your job or not.. obviously it was disruptful in front of customers.. My question is, if you knew this guy was reported to be not the best seed.. why are you telling him confidential stuff? I think you need to rethink who your friends are and aren't. Any confrontation be it physical or emotional in a place of employment is obviously not good for business. No matter who started it.. If this is your 'first offense' hopefully if you go to your boss with honesty and sincere apology.. maybe you'll keep your position. If you have to work with this other guy.. will you be Able to control your emotions and stay the course of keeping things calm and under your hat? Will he Antagonize you? Will there be another altercation that doesn't end as the first? These are questions I would ask if I were your management.
Glad you didn't get physical.. but sometimes there's not much difference between verbal and physical when it is in the public eye.

Good luck..

~Tess

 

[Sin]

i never yelled, I always spoke in a calm voice

Nor did any costomers hear me, because they where in the other end of the store, and the only way they could hear you, is if you where yelling

 

[TigerWoman]

Your opinion of another co-worker should be kept to yourself. And as Tess said you should not tell confidential stuff to dubious co-workers. As for calling him a name, despite the guy's rep, you should apologize and tell the manager that. It was good that you kept your cool but calling him the name is what escalated it so apologizing will hopefully calm it down. After all the job is what means the most right now and you have to go on and work with the guy. Good luck! TW

 

[Adept]

One thing I have learned through several bad experiences. Never share a secret. It might be hard, and you might be busting to tell someone, but never ever gossip.

For one thing, something that you might consider extremely important and confidential, someone else might consider just an interesting piece of gossip to tell the next person they meet.

The only time to share something confidential is when you think it is in the best interests of the person you are telling, like if you know or suspect their partner is cheating on them, or something of that nature.

Never, ever share a secret. Ever.

Three people can only keep a secret if two of them are dead.

 

[MA-Caver]

I agree with Tess, TW and Adept. You did right. As a former manager of several resturants (fast-foods) I'd always side with the guy who is not making a scene. The other guy was yelling and disrupting customer service and THAT is a big NO-NO. If you two took it outside in the back then I'd not have a problem with it. But that's just me.
I'll add this to what the three aforementioned honorable MT-ists... You acted as a good MA-ist. You didn't let the guy push you where it would've come to blows. Plus with your current training and experience in inflicting bodily harm you withheld until you found an appropriate manner to release your anger/frustration and (c'mon admit it) fear.
Go to your manager and tell him your side of it. I'm surprised that the manager/supervisor on duty didn't check out what was going on if the yelling was loud enough to be heard from the back of the store all the way to the front and knowing the general layout of those places it means basically everyone inbetween could've heard the guy.
Whatever. You did good Sin. I bow to your restraint. :asian:

 

[CMack11]

First off, congratulations on not losing your temper and making the confrontation physical. It takes a lot of self-confidence to be able to know you can hand it to some guy and not do it. It's especially hard when you are young.


That being said:

out of anger I called this guy a Child molester in front of everyone(but not costomers), hence the violent reaction suppose. the personal information was indeed personal. i could have reacted violently and done serious harm to this guy, but I didn't, and I controlled myself, and i battled him with my words

That probably wasn't the best choice of words. I've been a supervisor for a long time, and regardless of how the conflict started, I would have to punish one of my employees for hitting below the belt like that. I wouldn't fire somebody for something like this, but I would have to take disciplinary action against both parties. My suggestion would be to go to your GM directly, explain what happened, and admit that you crossed the line when you called the guy a child molester.

My favorite employees (the ones who get my loyalty and respect) are the ones who come to me, admit when they've done something wrong, and don't try to point fingers. Even though you probably only did one minor thing wrong where the other employee did a lot, don't drag him into it if you're going to talk to the GM.

 

[loki09789]

Write it out first. Objectively.


He did this. He said that. I did this. I stepped here. I kept my hand down. He raised his hand as he said.....

Don't embellish with adjectives ("menacingly", "cruelly"....).

Be the first to report it and make him refute your statements.

Admit the things that you may have done wrong to diffuse their clout in his argument and, as was mentioned, apologize and be accountable.

From working as a teacher, military leader and an MP I can tell you that leadership responds well to mature, honest and respectful communication. We tend to get suspicious or aggrevated at the "HE STOLE MY BALL/I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG" attitude that can come up when people feel threatened (job loss)/afraid.

There were things that could have gone better on your part, but relatively speaking, the other person is responsible for his actions/reactions too. If it was me, I wouldn't fire you. I would formally document the incident, the counselling/reprimands and the warning/consequences that you were informed of if it happened again.

The other guy.....maybe not firing depending the whole situation/context, but definitely some very looming consequences - especially with the 'hand' thing in front of customers.

 

[Ray]

Everyone has given good advice.

1). Don't tell anyone anything that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing about. 2). Try to live your life so that there is nothing that would cause embarrasment if it got out. 3). Don't argue with people; choose your words carefully 4). Don't let other people make their problems your problems.

 

[still learning]

Hello, You did the right thing by not trying to make the argument go on. He sounds like the "Bullies" I having been reading about
Books like Verbal Judo, the Gentle art of Verbal Self-defense, several of Marc'the animal books(got four of four of them). Sam Horn(author) has some great books on this too.They have great info's on what to do!

I would suggest finding these books at the libraries. Do some reading and take notes.

You will be surprise of the amount of books dealing with "Bullies". Check the web out. It is a major problem for kids, teen, and working adults. Bigger than you think? Is this why we all are taking the martial arts? ......Aloha

 

[Drac]

I agree with Tess, TW and Adept. You did right. As a former manager of several resturants (fast-foods) I'd always side with the guy who is not making a scene. The other guy was yelling and disrupting customer service and THAT is a big NO-NO. If you two took it outside in the back then I'd not have a problem with it. But that's just me.
I'll add this to what the three aforementioned honorable MT-ists... You acted as a good MA-ist. You didn't let the guy push you where it would've come to blows. Plus with your current training and experience in inflicting bodily harm you withheld until you found an appropriate manner to release your anger/frustration and (c'mon admit it) fear.
Go to your manager and tell him your side of it. I'm surprised that the manager/supervisor on duty didn't check out what was going on if the yelling was loud enough to be heard from the back of the store all the way to the front and knowing the general layout of those places it means basically everyone inbetween could've heard the guy.
Whatever. You did good Sin. I bow to your restraint. :asian:

An excellent reply.. lots of good advice contained in this post....

 

[RRouuselot]

I was at work last night and one of the back line employees at the Arby's I work at, and i got into an aruement and it reached a level where he was yellinga tme in my face so close my eyes where watering from his bad breath. the yelling part was disrespectful on his part but I let that one slide, i kept my cool taking the verbal abuse...in front of costomers i might add, and what made me angry wasn't that, there where two things, 1) he was yelling about going to my general manager about the arguement, and threatening my job of one and a half years. 2) He raised his hand to me. Now i didn't physically do anything to him whats so ever, he treatened my health and my job....needless to say it made me rather angry. I held it all in until i got home and wailed on my punching bag for about twenty minutes.....

now what I am worried about is not my health (I can handle myself in that Dept.) but its my job...i need it till i start working at UPS this summer. i need to know what you guys think, will i get the boot for arguing with someone and him running off and telling the GM?

*the agruement was started by him and I being buddy buddy, and I told him some personal information in confidentiality. he then presued to tell everyone that was working that day. Now this guy had been working here for about three months and at the beginning of these three months he has had reports on him fooling around with underage high school girls, and arby's is right across the street from my high school, hence the reason why i have been there for 1 1/2 years. anywho fathers of young girls would curse out my manager for hireing him and well i don't know what the guy told my manager but he got to keep his job there. there are rumors that cerculate around my school about him, he has had his tires slahed by these girls older brothers, and it just not a pretty picture all together. out of anger I called this guy a Child molester in front of everyone(but not costomers), hence the violent reaction suppose. the personal information was indeed personal. i could have reacted violently and done serious harm to this guy, but I didn't, and I controlled myself, and i battled him with my words*

You should get a new job.

 

[Sin]

That is actually some good advice...i got a job at UPS this summer set up already.