This. Ugly, painful.

[Dirty Dog]

That's not why "most" domestic violence charges are dropped it has nothing to do with being a master manipulator. Most charges are dropped because the couple makes up or the victim no longer wishes for it to go forward. Ive known many cases where the couple split up and are no longer together and the victim just wants to move on with their lives. Court cases take months some times a year or more to come to trial. If the victim has moved on with their life they dont want to come to court and face the attacker again. OR they couple has made up and are happy again and again the victim wants no further action. OR what also happens is the victim exaggerates the claim of assault during the heat of the moment because they are mad and months later they are over it OR a suspect and victim work out a civil $$$$$ arrangement to get the criminal charges dropped
But you are correct in that just because a case was dropped has nothing to do with guilt or innocence.

They "make up" because the abuser manipulates the victim into believing that they have changed, and it'll never happen again. It does, of course. And virtually always escalates.
Most abuse victims are abused badly enough to end up in the ER multiple times before they actually do anything about the abuse. Going from memory, I believe the statistics are that they'll be treated seven times (on average) and hospitalized once.

 

[Xue Sheng]

They "make up" because the abuser manipulates the victim into believing that they have changed, and it'll never happen again. It does, of course. And virtually always escalates.
Most abuse victims are abused badly enough to end up in the ER multiple times before they actually do anything about the abuse. Going from memory, I believe the statistics are that they'll be treated seven times (on average) and hospitalized once.

And sometimes they believe it is the only type relationship they deserve or ever will ever have and they are afraid to be alone. Had a cousin go through this with multiple significant others, all pretty much the same.... until killed her

 

[ballen0351]

They "make up" because the abuser manipulates the victim into believing that they have changed, and it'll never happen again. It does, of course. And virtually always escalates.
Most abuse victims are abused badly enough to end up in the ER multiple times before they actually do anything about the abuse. Going from memory, I believe the statistics are that they'll be treated seven times (on average) and hospitalized once.

Sorry your wrong. That does happen but it's not the majority. I run 2 to 3 of these a day every day. Most never require medical treatmemt. Almost all end up with someone being charged by state law all for a variety of reason almost none ever result in a conviction. Manipulation is a small % of every day run of the mill domestic assaults. I went to 4 tonight in an 8 hour shift, 2 yesterday, 9 last week. Only 1 required a trip to the ER so you may see bad ones but you don't see the vast majority of them

 

[ballen0351]

And sometimes they believe it is the only type relationship they deserve or ever will ever have and they are afraid to be alone. Had a cousin go through this with multiple significant others, all pretty much the same.... until killed her

Again that's the extreme case but far from the majority

 

[Brian King]

A bit off topic, my apologies. Peoples perspectives interest me. I see ER types posting on what they see, I see LEO types posting on what they see, and I see folks that the issue has deeply effected their own families posting. All the same general issue but such divergent views. Like the elephant and blind men maybe? Just wanted to say thank you folks for posting. All three have experiences that are valuable to the conversation and I appreciate the time taken to post them. Sorry for your loss Xue.
Regards
Brian King

 

[msmitht]

And sometimes they believe it is the only type relationship they deserve or ever will ever have and they are afraid to be alone. Had a cousin go through this with multiple significant others, all pretty much the same.... until killed her

That is terrible.

 

[Dirty Dog]

Sorry your wrong. That does happen but it's not the majority. I run 2 to 3 of these a day every day. Most never require medical treatmemt. Almost all end up with someone being charged by state law all for a variety of reason almost none ever result in a conviction. Manipulation is a small % of every day run of the mill domestic assaults. I went to 4 tonight in an 8 hour shift, 2 yesterday, 9 last week. Only 1 required a trip to the ER so you may see bad ones but you don't see the vast majority of them

I am aware that I don't see them all. Yet. But those that don't come in today will, in all likelihood, come in the next time. Or the time after.
Odds are, I'll see them eventually.

 

[ballen0351]

I am aware that I don't see them all. Yet. But those that don't come in today will, in all likelihood, come in the next time. Or the time after.
Odds are, I'll see them eventually.

Not usually. That does happen but it's just not the norm. For every assault that requires a trip to the Er or worse we will run 100s that are no more then a scratch or spit or slap. I've been going to the same houses for the same people for years. Some folks just like turmoil in their lives. Those houses the attacker changes one week the husband smacks the wife she calls 911 3 days later she will stab him in the hand with a fork he calls 911. A week later the 24 year old son that still lives there will punch dad he calls 911. Then dad will throw a bottle at mom she call 911. That's the norm. We do get the occasional homicide or severe beating that you night see. That's the stuff that makes news and get laws changed, and they make lifetime movies about and people believe it's going on everywhere. But it's not "most" as you say.

 

[Jenna]

Not usually. That does happen but it's just not the norm. For every assault that requires a trip to the Er or worse we will run 100s that are no more then a scratch or spit or slap. I've been going to the same houses for the same people for years. Some folks just like turmoil in their lives. Those houses the attacker changes one week the husband smacks the wife she calls 911 3 days later she will stab him in the hand with a fork he calls 911. A week later the 24 year old son that still lives there will punch dad he calls 911. Then dad will throw a bottle at mom she call 911. That's the norm. We do get the occasional homicide or severe beating that you night see. That's the stuff that makes news and get laws changed, and they make lifetime movies about and people believe it's going on everywhere. But it's not "most" as you say.

What would be the best place to intervene to stop this cycle from happening at all do you think?? with the one doing the slapping? the one being slapped? with the situation they are both in? some thing has started this in each case.. and then medical personnel like DD or a police like you get called out.. there is no simple answer to how to put a stick between the spokes of this situation.. if there were, what would it be?? Thank you Jx

 

[ballen0351]

What would be the best place to intervene to stop this cycle from happening at all do you think?? with the one doing the slapping? the one being slapped? with the situation they are both in? some thing has started this in each case.. and then medical personnel like DD or a police like you get called out.. there is no simple answer to how to put a stick between the spokes of this situation.. if there were, what would it be?? Thank you Jx

I honestly have no idea Some people don't want it to stop honestly. For example I've gone to houses for in progress domestic assault. I get there see there is a clear one way assault (victim didn't fight back) arrest the attacker and in an instant I'm being attacked by the vicitim. I look at it like 2 siblings fight like cats and dogs all the time until an outsider messes with one then they unite. Some families are like that. No manipulation, no mind games it just is. There are just people that like or need violence or conflict. No amount of help or jail or outside intervention will fix it.
They have come up with all these formulas and forms and hotline numbers and crisis counselors we have to contact whenever we respond to a domestic. In this state the laws changed and they removed my choice in making an arrest or not. Most laws written here say an officer "may" make an arrest. Domestic violence says an officer "shall" make an arrest. I'm not sure that helps other then clog up the courts with cases the victim doesn't want prosecuted. You goto court as the officer waiting for the case to be called and your suspect and victim are sitting in court together holding hands.
You basically have to wait until the victim decides they want to move on.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Post deleted, it was not necessary based on following post

 

[Xue Sheng]

Sorry your wrong. That does happen but it's not the majority. I run 2 to 3 of these a day every day. Most never require medical treatmemt. Almost all end up with someone being charged by state law all for a variety of reason almost none ever result in a conviction. Manipulation is a small % of every day run of the mill domestic assaults. I went to 4 tonight in an 8 hour shift, 2 yesterday, 9 last week. Only 1 required a trip to the ER so you may see bad ones but you don't see the vast majority of them

Not disputing this, but it depends on your perspective. Meaning LEO or in the ER. I use to work security in hospitals, spent a lot of time in the ER and knew a lot of LEOs and I have seen and heard about both views of this. But this hospital took care of several police Jurisdictions and think there may be more than you know about in total. However working in a hospital you would never see the side where they do not come In and they stay for whatever reason. So from my perspective, your both right, and I think the numbers are closer than either of you know. It is just your numbers are not matching up based on your individual view. However with that said I would not be surprised at all if one was to do a study on "all" incidents or abuse, that you do have more that never go to the hospital as compared to those that do.

Again that's the extreme case but far from the majority

Never meant to give the impression that it was the norm, or that it was common. Like I said about I seen and heard about more than my share of these cases too

 

[ballen0351]

Not disputing this, but it depends on your perspective. Meaning LEO or in the ER. I use to work security in hospitals, spent a lot of time in the ER and knew a lot of LEOs and I have seen and heard about both views of this. But this hospital took care of several police Jurisdictions and think there may be more than you know about in total. However working in a hospital you would never see the side where they do not come In and they stay for whatever reason. So from my perspective, your both right, and I think the numbers are closer than either of you know. It is just your numbers are not matching up based on your individual view. However with that said I would not be surprised at all if one was to do a study on "all" incidents or abuse, that you do have more that never go to the hospital as compared to those that do.

Again that's the point. You or DD may see "alot" in the hospital but "alot" in reality is a small % of the total number of domestic assaults that occur. That's the point I was making nothing more. I've gone to all levels of domestic violence from a simple spit or throwing food to a murder suicide with 3 dead kids, a dead wife and mother in law and the suicide of the suspect. And every thing in between. Even had a husband cut off his wife's breast with with sawzall then rape her with it. So trust me when I say I know how bad it can get. Thankfully however it's not normal

 

[Xue Sheng]

Again that's the point. You or DD may see "alot" in the hospital but "alot" in reality is a small % of the total number of domestic assaults that occur. That's the point I was making nothing more. I've gone to all levels of domestic violence from a simple spit or throwing food to a murder suicide with 3 dead kids, a dead wife and mother in law and the suicide of the suspect. And every thing in between. Even had a husband cut off his wife's breast with with sawzall then rape her with it. So trust me when I say I know how bad it can get. Thankfully however it's not normal

I can't match numbers but I could match gruesome if you like...but I won't

I don't doubt it, I was trying to get a job like yours at one time in my life, but I broke my ankle (thank you changquan) a week before the agility. Also worked state security and you may be surprised, or you may not be, at the things domestic than can go on in a large state office

 

[ballen0351]

Wasn't trying to be gruesome. Reading my posts I just didn't want people thinking I was making light of the topic by down playing it because I'm not I understand how bad these things can get.

 

[Jenna]

You basically have to wait until the victim decides they want to move on.

Thank you for relating this from your side.. It is obvious these people need professionals like you that even if there is no apparent good outcome from your intervention, what you have given the victim (and perhaps the offender) is opportunity to re-evaluate or come to that decision to move on or change that they may not have otherwise had.. Jx

 

[msmitht]

While this topic is important, and sad, it has gone far away from the op. Perhaps it deserves its own thread.

 

[Tgace]

I don't think you can draw a conclusion on "most" DV cases based on what you see in the ER. Only injured people go to the ER...

Back when I did DV calls I saw everything from murders to "he/she yelled at me" s. I'm with Ballen. The issue is broader and deeper than the picture you get from news/media.

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

 

[tavor]

We weren't there. We don't know what really happened.

But I read every word of that post and police report. F him. May karma do it's job.

It's bad. Under any circumstances, any, I don't care what they are. Unacceptable. But the night of her black belt? That might not matter to most, certainly not to the public at large, and certainly not in the grand scheme of things. But it makes me sicker than it usually does.

Oh, F him.

Unfortunately,it was a false claim. The police investigated and dropped all charges. That black eye is from make'up self -applied. Notice that picture of her eye is in the shadows-wouldn't you want it nice and bright for everyone to see. A mans reputation has been smeared and Danielle can launch her new woman self empowering web site. She never went for a medical report and what was told to police was her account-not the facts

 

[tavor]

I don't know about this guy, but christiano, the gb black belt in Yakima, just pleaded no contest and is looking at like three years in prison. On an iPad or I'd look for a link.

Unfortunately, the charge was false. The police dropped all charges. The black eye was applied make'up-notice the black eye is photograph in the dark...wouldn't you want it to be viewed in nice bright light. A honorable man has his reputation smeared and Danielle has a new woman's empowerment web site.