Spouse as Training Partner

[SFC JeffJ]

Yesterday my wife and I did a little full contact stick sparring. That got me thinking if anyone else has their spouse as their training partner. If so, is there anything you can't do with them that you would normally do with a training partner?

My wife and I can drill together great. We found out yesterday we can spar with sticks hard and have no issues, but if we try to do the same empty handed that leads to a lot of bad feelings.

 

[dancingalone]

My wife and I practice aikido together. It's a little bit different from your case because aikido is supposed to be a harmonious art, so both of us make a point of checking our egos and whatever else is happening in our lives before we even put on the dogis. She is my senior in aikido, so that helps too. Whenever we are on the floor, I defer explicitly to her. The only limit to our practice is my own skill.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I have spared with my wife with empty hands in the past and it probably is not a good idea based on my experiences. Still just training around and with my wife is great.

 

[Drac]

My wife is ony 5'5 and maybe 100 some pounds versus my 6'1' and 260 lbs..Not a good idea..

 

[Guardian]

I train my wife in SD techniques and I let her practice on me, but I won't fully train with her for the ego reasons listed, no matter how hard you try not to, problems can and will arise that's just in my view, so I keep it in that perspectiive.

 

[Lisa]

I think it is all dependent on the couple. I have seen some couples get along famously while others bickered and fought on the mat.

 

[terryl965]

Me and my wife have been sparring, working out and training together for 18 years, the only that has changed is since I have gotten bigger I tend to pull my kicks and hands so I will not really hurt her. She will stay in there and fight and she prefers to spare against men.

 

[theletch1]

Erica and I have trained together in kenpo and aikido both. She's actually my favorite training partner as she will really lay into me when others might have a problem going full contact. It's also a matter of trust between the two of us. We trust each other implicitly not to intentionally hurt one another more than you'd expect from a training session. The only problem we've encountered is that after trainin together for so long we can read each other much better than we can others. Ego has never been a problem between the two of us. We hold equal rank and both of us understand that we're training to help the other not prove anything.

 

[LawDog]

Mrs Lawdog and I have trained together since she started in the martial arts back in 73. But as a drill / sparring partner, "NOT".
:argue:

 

[crushing]

I've brought home and shared some escrima stick drills (figure 8, 6-count, 10-count, and 3-star) with my wife, but no sparring are anything where we make contact. She is really enjoying those.

 

[Cruentus]

Yesterday my wife and I did a little full contact stick sparring. That got me thinking if anyone else has their spouse as their training partner. If so, is there anything you can't do with them that you would normally do with a training partner?

My wife and I can drill together great. We found out yesterday we can spar with sticks hard and have no issues, but if we try to do the same empty handed that leads to a lot of bad feelings.

My wife doesn't really train regularly like me, so when I do take her shooting or if we do a little self-defense training, she mainly takes on the student role. She loves shooting. But for other self-defense training, I find that because it is me and because it is not her hobby, the motivation isn't really there. But, if there are other women in the class (like when she took a boxing class) then she is more motivated.

I would like her to do some more training, but I think the key would be to get her in a class that fits her schedule.

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

Me and my wife trained together(she helped with some translations)
I feel training with someone you care about be it spouse or other important person builds a level of respect and trust. It takes a good amount of this when you apply a joint lock or a throw. Learning from each other thru martial applications helps learn and strength bonds in other ways as well. (I think I should write for Hallmark):boing2:

 

[FearlessFreep]

My wife is ony 5'5 and maybe 100 some pounds versus my 6'1' and 260 lbs..Not a good idea..

For whom? My daughter (13) is smaller than that but she tends to initiate friendly fights and such. One thing between being that and dong some BJJ and MMA in an adult class is that she has no innate fear of taking on someone much bigger then here. Respect, yes, fear , no. So when we spar like that I don't go all out and it becomes more training for her than me, but it's very valuable to her as a chance to learn to work against someone much bigger than here without panic or freezing up, safely

 

[FearlessFreep]

Last time I did any training with my wife she was holding Muy Thai pads for me as I kicked and I accidentally cleared the pad and caught her nose... We joke about it... but she hasn't held pads for me since then

 

[Kacey]

When I was married, I went out of my way to not train with my husband - he was afraid to hit women, and hit harder to compensate... especially those of us who tried to point out to him that his focus was lacking. As far as practicing patterns went - that was okay until I got better at them than he was.

 

[theletch1]

Maybe it's just me but I can't understand all the ego that creates problems in training with your spouse. Erica is better on the ground than I am. She just has an innate ability for grappling. I'm better at the stand up game than she is. We are equal in the aikido technique side of our training. I love my wife with every fiber of my being so why would I get angry if she were successful at something?

 

[Henderson]

I often get paired with a training partner at the dojo to whom, it just so happens, that I am married to outside the dojo. Personal relationships have no place in the training itself. If I pull a punch, or make any other alteration to an attack or technique to make it easier to deal with, I insult my training partner and potentially put them in danger if they ever have to use this stuff for real. What's more useless than being able to defend against pseudo-attacks? Guys who say they don't want to hurt their wife/female training partner need to get over themselves and get a clue. Don't do her any favors. Hit her. She deserves more respect than that!

 

[HelloKitty]

It seems usually the wife starts training after the husband... In my case, I started TKD several years ago and a couple of months ago my husband began taking our classes (he had practised boxing, kung fu and other MA before).

Basically we don't have problems. I'm used to work with men, and to take some bruises, etc. So I don't care if a little accident happens. I know he'll never hit me on purpose, lol.

At the beginning it was hard for him because he was afraid of hitting too hard or something but I asked him to work with me as hard as he'd usually do. Statistics say if I'll be attacked it would be a man and he won't care about being "a gentleman" if he decides to hit. So, at the end of the day I think it's not so good being a gentleman if you are training with a woman.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Yesterday my wife and I did a little full contact stick sparring. That got me thinking if anyone else has their spouse as their training partner. If so, is there anything you can't do with them that you would normally do with a training partner?

My wife and I can drill together great. We found out yesterday we can spar with sticks hard and have no issues, but if we try to do the same empty handed that leads to a lot of bad feelings.

After years of martial arts training and knowing a bit about Traditional Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture and after years of my wife training in traditional Chinese Medicine and acupuncture and knowing a bit of martial arts I have no problem saying…..

WHAT do you think I am CRAZY…. DAMN she knows WAY too many acupuncture points that can cause a HELL of a lot of pain so I am NOT going there.

 

[tellner]

I've pretty much stated my views on the subject elsewhere.

We don't spar with each other. We work out together but none of the really intense or dangerous stuff. There's just too much at stake physically and emotionally to flip that switch with each other, even in practice. We have trouble throwing a good punch kick or putting on a hard lock on each other. Treating the other as a collection of targets to be disassembled and destroyed would just be bad even if it's for a short time and will do good things for us in the end.

All relationships have trouble from time to time. When that happens combining martial with marital arts can be destructive to both.

Of course a lot depends on the nature of your training and spouse. I've known couples who enjoyed beating the hell out of each other. Then, how can I put it delicately, energy travels up one level from the Muladhara Chakra connected with security to the Svadhishthana connected with sensuality. That works for some people but leads to a stormier and less stable relationship than I care for :shrug: There are schools where the Lizard isn't ever let out of its cave. It might be easier at one of those.