List the best martial arts for each scenario

[Yamabushii]

Just looking to have some fun here. This is mostly for entertainment. Some scenarios may be real, some fictional, some may not even require a martial art as a solution, so just have fun with it and see what kinds of answers we all come up with.

Rules:
-For each scenario below, list just ONE martial art/martial sport you think would work best for you to survive (no matter how hard)
-Cannot use military systems like MCMAP, Army Combatives, etc.
-Unless specified, assume the opponent in each scenario is: (1) against one opponent, (2) they are unarmed, and (3) they are not formally trained in a martial art

Copy/paste the below, erase my answers, and post with yours:

• You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): Muay Thai
• You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Taekwondo
• You're attacked in an elevator: Japanese Jujutsu
• You're attacked on a bus: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
• A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
• Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Judo
• You're attacked in an alleyway: Japanese Jujutsu
• You're attacked by a German Shepherd: Kali
• You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese: Tai Chi
• You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): Kobudo
• A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: Sambo
• You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Kali
• You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): Krav Maga
• You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Krav Maga
• The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: Wing Chun
• It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: Ninjutsu
• You just caught your spouse cheating on you: Krav Maga
• You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: Ninjutsu

 

[Buka]

• You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): Ameridote!
• You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Boxing, bandaid school.
• You're attacked in an elevator: That depends, is she (the elevator) going down?
• You're attacked on a bus: Serves my old ash right for taking a bus.
• A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Have I shopped yet?
• Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: ‘Click, click, bang fu.
• You're attacked in an alleyway: That’s not an alleyway, that’s a corridor. They’re toast, I live for corridors.
• You're attacked by a German Shepherd: Hoku Fu. Hoku is my dog, she’ll take care of it.
• You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese: That puppy is soooo cute! I’ll take the bites.
• You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): Smoke-a-bone-do with some scissor hash.
• A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: Zombie Capoeira.
• You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Do I get to pick the three with me?
• You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): can’t be done. I don’t do the ATM thing.
• You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Oh, okay, I’ll use one just for this, AMOK knife fighting system.
• The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: I'll start singing Arrowsmith’s Walk this way!
• It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: Sinanju, baby!
• You just caught your spouse cheating on you: From your lips to God’s ears, please let it be true.
• You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: Yeah, I’m eating my own gun.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

It's not which MA style that you train. It's what tools do you have in your toolbox.

 

[marvin8]

Use your Fight IQ.

1. Lure: give the opponent false impressions, making him feel like he can get you, and leading him to go where you want him to go,
2. Listen: feel or detect what the opponent wants to do,
3. Control: get the opponent under your control (usually means keep him off-balanced),
4. Dissolve: neutralize the attacking force, and
5. Attack: release a throwing force

EnterTheDojoShow
Aug 9, 2022

Master Ken gives another lesson at 10th Planet Albuquerque, this time to MMA Fighter Bi Nguyen, a.k.a. "Killer Bee". Will he use his Fight IQ to outsmart her with Ameri-Do-Te or will he get stung by the queen bee? Watch and see!

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Use your Fight IQ.

1. Lure: give the opponent false impressions, making him feel like he can get you, and leading him to go where you want him to go,
2. Listen: feel or detect what the opponent wants to do,
3. Control: get the opponent under your control (usually means keep him off-balanced),
4. Dissolve: neutralize the attacking force, and
5. Attack: release a throwing force

It's not which style you are using. It's what principles/strategies/tools you are using. The day that you have no style boundary, the day that you truly understand MA.

1. Lure:

- throw a slow punch. Make sure your opponent can block it. When your opponent blocks your punch, you change your punch into a grab and pull.
- throw a slow kick. Make sure your opponent can block it. When your opponent drops his arm to block your kick, you punch to his face.
- ...

 

[skribs]

• Open point-sparring tournament: Fencing (sparring with points)
• Elevator: ITF TKD, ups and downs are built in.
• Single person is robbing the convenience store: Just flirt with them, they're probably lonely.
• Multiple people robbing the convenience store: Ninjutsu, specifically the Tum Tum style
• Foreign country invades with ground troops: BJJ, since all troops go to the ground or something

I just picked the ones I had the best answers for.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

• You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): I will second ameridote
• You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Darts
• You're attacked in an elevator: wing chun
• You're attacked on a bus: kempo
• A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: hide-fu
• Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: hide-fu
• You're attacked in an alleyway: how far are they? either run-fu or gun-fu
• You're attacked by a German Shepherd: meat-throwing-jitsu
• You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese:
• meat-throwing-jitsu
• You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): HEMA
• A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: hide-fu or gun-fu
• You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Kali
• You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): Dim Mak
• You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Dim Mak or kali
• The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: Run-fu
• It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: Ninjutsu/hide-fu
• You just caught your spouse cheating on you: Don't-beat-your-wife-do
• You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: None - call chuck norris. Might be the only shot I've got.

 

[skribs]

Don't-beat-your-wife-do

Reminds me of Bill Burr's bit on "There's no reason to hit a woman."

 

[Instructor]

• You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): MMA
• You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Kick Boxing or Boxing
• You're attacked in an elevator: Hapkido
• You're attacked on a bus: Hapkido
• A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Anything involving a handgun and a cell phone.
• Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Anything involving an AR-15 and a cell phone.
• You're attacked in an alleyway: Hapkido
• You're attacked by a German Shepherd: Parkour
• You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese: Tae-Kwon-Do
• You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): No Martial art required, just wing it.
• A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: Anything involving an Abrams Tank and a cell phone
• You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Krav Maga or Hapkido
• You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): Prayer
• You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Prayer
• The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: Kenjutsu
• It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: Anything involving a suitcase nuke and a cell phone
• You just caught your spouse cheating on you: Anything involving a divorce attorney and a cell phone
• You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: Anything involving plane tickets and a cell phone.

 

[Hot Lunch]

You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): Muay Thai
You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Karate
You're attacked in an elevator: Boxing
You're attacked on a bus: 52 Blocks
A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Baseball
Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Exfiltration
You're attacked in an alleyway: 52 Blocks
You're attacked by a German Shepherd: Baseball
You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese: Soccer
You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): Wizardry
A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: Marksmanship
You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Kobudo
You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): Marksmanship
You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Marksmanship
The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: Marksmanship
It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: seamanship
You just caught your spouse cheating on you: videography
You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: self-mutilation with the gun. Make myself helpless and him willing to listen. That's my best chance.

 

[Oily Dragon]

• You're in the Octagon and you can only use one martial art (your opponents may also choose just one): Ameridote!
• You're in an open point-sparring tournament: Boxing, bandaid school.
• You're attacked in an elevator: That depends, is she (the elevator) going down?
• You're attacked on a bus: Serves my old ash right for taking a bus.
• A single person is robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: Have I shopped yet?
• Multiple people are robbing the convenience store you are currently inside: ‘Click, click, bang fu.
• You're attacked in an alleyway: That’s not an alleyway, that’s a corridor. They’re toast, I live for corridors.
• You're attacked by a German Shepherd: Hoku Fu. Hoku is my dog, she’ll take care of it.
• You're attacked by a Miniature Maltese: That puppy is soooo cute! I’ll take the bites.
• You're in a fantasy LARP event (refer to movie "Role Models"): Smoke-a-bone-do with some scissor hash.
• A foreign military invades your country with ground troops: Zombie Capoeira.
• You and a team of 3 others are escorting a VIP by foot in a crowded area: Do I get to pick the three with me?
• You're held at gun point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to pull the trigger): can’t be done. I don’t do the ATM thing.
• You're held at knife point at an ATM (somehow you know your attacker has an intention to stab you): Oh, okay, I’ll use one just for this, AMOK knife fighting system.
• The zombie apocalypse has just begun and there is 1 zombie attacking you: I'll start singing Arrowsmith’s Walk this way!
• It's the zombie apocalypse and there are a million+ walking zombies: Sinanju, baby!
• You just caught your spouse cheating on you: From your lips to God’s ears, please let it be true.
• You accidentally shot John Wick's new dog: Yeah, I’m eating my own gun.

Lol had me at Ameridote.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Sinanju. Done.

 

[JowGaWolf]

The answer is 5.

 

[Dirty Dog]

The answer is 5.

No, it's 42. The Ultimate Answer is always 42.