How to deal/cope depressed and stress?

[Wing Woo Gar]

These are great suggestions guys! I think you put the friendly back into MT.

 

[Gyakuto]

These are great suggestions guys! I think you put the friendly back into MT.

Phew!

 

[Instructor]

In these days I feel sad, depressed and stressed because of work, media news, paying utilities and giving money at my mom.

First, what's the difference (if there is a difference) between dealing something and coping something.

Second, how to deal/cope depression and stress? Everyone says that studing Martial Arts is a stress and depression relief... but isn't the opposite? For example having too much stress while sparring reaching brunout, doing drills or depressed because can't doing like an exercise, failing at sparring, etc...

Dealing with something is tackling the problem head on. For example finding a therapist and talking through your problems.

Coping is trying to survive the thing that is upsetting you with various natural and sometimes directed mechanisms. For example you may cope by reading a book, taking a walk, or working out in the gym.

Martial arts are exercise and all exercise combats stress and depression. The added dimension of spending time out of the house in a community of other people can also help you cope with stress and depression.

Both approaches have their uses and work together. But if you never deal with the root of the problem you will spend your days coping but the problem will never go away.

 

[Mider]

As we not mental health professionals you should take what we say with a grain of salt.

If you are dealing with issues from watching things like news, social media then stop watching these things.

Life has stress etc it’s just a sad fact. If your issues are serious I suggest seeing a dr, maybe a holistic psychiatrist.

I have a lot of stress and anxiety, i can’t drive etc. I also see a dr. I try to manage my issues by being careful who and what I expose myself to.

 

[_Simon_]

I'm studying Wing Chun, and my istructor in before practiced Boxing and a little bit of MT, he is not an *******, sometimes he asked me why are you off but I'm scared to ask him because I don't want to waste 3 hours of training due to my problems... I have one fellow student and I'm struggling but because is my anxiety and shyness.

During training I'm shaking and worried: even with protection, even overwatched by our istructor, I'm kinda deviate my fist out of the sight of my partner head or even the shoulder or any body parts.
And after the training I'm feeling stressed and not satisfied at all, my instructor and my partner saying that you've done a good job, but for is not good.

I don't understand this, sorry I'm still learning English 🙇‍♂️

That's all good

It's important you are open and honest with your instructor about all this too. They will hopefully get you to allow things down and progress at a much slower and easier to cope with pace.

That's good they encourage you. The fact that you went to training and tried, that is a good job, be proud of yourself for that. Even that is a really good sign and step in a positive direction.

There's been some great advice on here. And also agree that this is not purely a martial arts question or issue to be addressed in that light. One step at a time

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

how to deal/cope depression and stress?

I try to think what I have instead of what I don't have. As long as my eyes can see and my legs can walk, I am happy.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

The idea is when someone is trying to punch your skull in. You are not thinking about your other problems.

The day when we die, we may laugh at ourselves why should we let small things to bother us in our lifetime.

Anything that happened in the history, big or small, right or wrong, success or failure, happiness or sadness, ... will all turn into people's dinner table talking subject.

A: What would happen if Abraham Lincoln was not assassinated?
B: He would be dead today any way.

 

[Holmejr]

What exactly are you looking for?

Have you had a physical lately w/ bloodwork. Making sure there aren’t underlying physical issues.

For me, I would be lost without my perspective of mankind. I get this perspective from my relationship with God (father, son and Holy Spirit). I go to church and fellowship. When I am going though trials, I have my prayer life, people that I can talk to and the wisdom of scripture. You might want to consider eternal things. When the tire meets the road, it the thing that really matters.

 

[Gyakuto]

Religious people do tend to score higher on happiness scales than we atheists.

 

[Oily Dragon]

Religious people do tend to score higher on happiness scales than we atheists.

They also tend to kill more.

 

[Gyakuto]

They also tend to kill more.

Well different activities make different groups of people happy 🤷🏾 Infanticide, genocide, mass murder, crimes against humanity….they were taught by the very best!

 

[Fungus]

Negative stress are often due to feeling expectations do that exceeds your present capabilities. This may make you feel like you are an "impossible situtation", and I can imagine it can lead to depression.

Stress during training is different, at least if you enjoy it.

The difference is like that of beeing chased, or the one chasing.

The Critical Difference Between Challenge and Threat Stress Responses

The transactional model of stress: We interpret a situation as a challenge or a threat, and our appraisal determines our stress response.

somaticmovementcenter.com

Both types increase the bodys stress level (symphatetic activation) but there are other differences that makes them differ, this can even be measured, if you look at for example systemic vascular resistance.

So having challenges, is more healthy than beeing threatened. And the difference is partly in how you accept the situation. Look for the challenge/opportunity, not the threat/risks.

This is also why it's an cardiovasular advantage to "take commend" in a fight, rather than beeing the one pushed around. Your total cardiac output is higher if you seeit as a challenge.

You should not accept expectations someone else puts on you. Focus on the things that are under your control, do your best given the constraints - then you can be proud, because it's as good as anyone can do. Other things, that aren't under your control, or expectations put on you on others, try to let it drain off, don't accept it to negatively stress you.

If you are stressed at work and your Boss fails to listen, perhaps there is a local occupational saftey representative that can help. In many countries I think this is regulated, the employeer needs to take actions if employees are overly stressed due to work tasks.

And after the training I'm feeling stressed and not satisfied at all, my instructor and my partner saying that you've done a good job, but for is not good.

In training everyone has different starting points so progress and efforts are relative to that. Given the issues you describe, it seems to me you are likely doing a good job that comes to trainings, even as you shake. Not everyone tries that hard! So don't play yourself down.

I wonder if you shake from fear or getting hurt, or from anxiety?

 

[Holmejr]

They also tend to kill more.

Glass half empty aye. Sure that was meant to help the OP and not yourself. But this is what I’m talking about. Cynicism is a desease and should not be confused with intelligence. But, one can change their perspective and look with new eyes. Just get to know the one who designed you. No one knows you better!

Concerning the MA’s, I believe that when you are well trained you are MUCH more likely to avoid confrontation than to encourage it. Also, in the case of the typical non deadly altercation, using well trained techniques instead of simply beating the crap out of someone is a much more loving way to go. Most folks will stop when thy see shock and awe. Lol. Yes, if things go awry, you gotta what you gotta do. But it’s not out of hate. You can love you neighbor and not like them.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Negative stress are often due to feeling expectations do that exceeds your present capabilities.

A: I feel depressed today.
B: Why?
A: I only have $5,000,000 in my bank account.
B: That's a lot of money.
A: But my friend has $8,000,000 in his bank account.
B: ...

 

[drop bear]

I kinda disagree in part, yes I'm trying to not thinking about my personal problem while training, but problems doesn't disappear at the snap of a finger.

So in conclusion you have have stress and pain after the traning session and then you add up your personal probelm. So, double stress.

Have you considered doing something else then?

We have for example a woodwork based therapy group called the mens shed.

They just get together and build stuff.

 

[Oily Dragon]

Glass half empty aye. Sure that was meant to help the OP and not yourself. But this is what I’m talking about. Cynicism is a desease and should not be confused with intelligence. But, one can change their perspective and look with new eyes. Just get to know the one who designed you. No one knows you better!

It's true, I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, source of all my genetic gifts and flaws.

Concerning the MA’s, I believe that when you are well trained you are MUCH more likely to avoid confrontation than to encourage it. Also, in the case of the typical non deadly altercation, using well trained techniques instead of simply beating the crap out of someone is a much more loving way to go. Most folks will stop when thy see shock and awe. Lol. Yes, if things go awry, you gotta what you gotta do. But it’s not out of hate. You can love you neighbor and not like them.

I think avoiding vs encouraging confrontation is a little oversimplified. Reality is far more nuanced and random.

For instance, the victims were both coming home from a wedding at 4am. So they were likely schnookered, which is exactly the wrong time to even approach a violent stranger on a city street.

City people are typically a lot more careful about this. So I chalk this up to carelessness on the part of the couple. The best move, in hindsight, would have been to just cross the street and call the cops.

But everyone thinks they are a hero. Too many Avengers movies. Cynical? More like realistic.

 

[GiveYourPaw]

What exactly are you looking for?

Have you had a physical lately w/ bloodwork. Making sure there aren’t underlying physical issues.

For me, I would be lost without my perspective of mankind. I get this perspective from my relationship with God (father, son and Holy Spirit). I go to church and fellowship. When I am going though trials, I have my prayer life, people that I can talk to and the wisdom of scripture. You might want to consider eternal things. When the tire meets the road, it the thing that really matters.

I'm looking for:

1. Working out;
2. Defend myself;
3. Trying to get rid of social anxiety.

And I think one year is a long time and I'm expected that my social anxiety was no more.
Had bloodwork and they are perfectly fine... that's why I beginning to not trust doctors and psychotherapist...

Religious people do tend to score higher on happiness scales than we atheists.

I'm agnostic by the way...

I wonder if you shake from fear or getting hurt, or from anxiety?

All together fear of getting hurt AND social anxiety.

 

[Gyakuto]

Glass half empty aye. Sure that was meant to help the OP and not yourself. But this is what I’m talking about. Cynicism is a desease and should not be confused with intelligence. But, one can change their perspective and look with new eyes. Just get to know the one who designed you. No one knows you better!

 

[Fungus]

All together fear of getting hurt AND social anxiety.

I must say that given what you describe, one year is not a long time. Don't feel stressed that it should go faster. Focus on making small progress. Many people with various forms of anxiety don't have it go away, they just need to learn how to handle it. Everyone probably have issues they work on all life, noone is perfect.

Also, I haven't heard anyone starting from scratch and becomes a good fighter in a year. I myself started karate only 1.5 year ago, with NO MA background and I a novice but making progress with baby steps. Many in our club has been training for over 30 years, some of the older even started 55 years ago.

I don't know what conditioning wing chun does, but perhaps it would help you.

We sometimes to conditioing excercises with a partner
.. you hit each other in the stomach (below ribs), say 10-20 times with the bare fist
... then the same into the chest. You go as hard as your partner accepts.
... we also slap each other on the chin with an open hand (just to make its sting).
... throw kicks into thighs and ribs, and front kicks to chest (no blocking), also not harder than your partner accepts, start easy

This is both body conditioning and teacking how to tense muscles upon impact, and also mental conditioning. If you have trained to take hits, and know you can do it, you need not fear getting hit once or twice in a fight, becase you know it may a hurt a bit, but you cna take it. This insight may take time, but hopefully reduce your fear.

I am not sure if wing chun does much of this conditioning? In my style this is a key, so you become more fearless in a fight. Learning techniques is not enough, if you get paralyzed by getting hit during the fight. You will get hit, but it's just temporary pain. Just make sure your opponents gets more pain.

 

[Gyakuto]

Am I the only one feeling uneasy about the posts from GiveYourPaw?

I really think you need to seek help from medical health professionals. You will not find what you need in the martial arts or from the members of this forum, who, despite our best intentions, are unqualified to offer advice on the very serious medical issues you have. We do not have a cure for your serious health problems but we can advise you on how to choke out an opponent, swing a Japanese sword, tie a belt, get fitter and offer a platform for humorous and often irreverent MA-based conversation.

I sincerely implore you to seek medical help from a medical practitioner 🙏🏽