From Okinawa to Korea

Discussion in 'Tae-Kwon-Do' started by Michele123, Jan 8, 2018.

  1. Earl Weiss

    Earl Weiss Senior Master

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    I think there are places where she will be Black belt by her first B Day.
     
  2. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    Hey, that's a good lookin' kid. Dobak'll be proud to be on that one!

    And good on you for getting back. I understand the feeling of getting to train after a forced absence. Almost any involvement feels good!
     
  3. Michele123

    Michele123 Green Belt

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    Had my second night back in the dojang yesterday. I took my baby with me because she is at that four week cluster feeding she and cried the whole time I was gone last time. I brought the stroller hoping she would sleep most of the time in the stroller. No luck. I needed to hold or feed her most of the time so I was primarily watching. My midwife would have been happy. After class though, my instructor held my baby and let me go through a few kicks with a couple of the black belts. That felt good. I wasn’t supposed to do the jumps but I did them out of habit and it felt good.

    I hope I figure out soon how to juggle class and baby. I really want to get back into fighting shape and really work hard again. I also want to be careful that I don’t put my baby on the back burner for MA.

    Tomorrow night is the test. I’m hoping I can stay and watch everybody. This is the first testing night since I joined that I won’t be testing. It’s a little weird.


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  4. dvcochran

    dvcochran Grandmaster

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    The back burner part is well said.
    Great to hear your passion for the things you love. I love hearing the open relationship between you and your instructor. A true sign of a MA family.
    We have a Mexican family that comes from another school about 2 hours away twice/month for our senior belt classes. They have a small child that hangs out in one of those play rings or is being held by someone. While mom and dad workout they do not have to worry too much about the baby since someone is always there willing to take care of whatever is needed. A great thing to see.
     
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  5. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    Juggling babies is probably against dojo rules. You should check with your instructor. And don't dare tell your midwife.
     
  6. Michele123

    Michele123 Green Belt

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    It’s been another 3+ months. I’m getting to go to class twice a week now and only occasionally get a phone call that baby needs me and is refusing everything else. I’m starting to get back into pre-baby shape. Last week I was able to stay towards the front of the group when sprinting again. Only the teenage boys were ahead of me. It’s nice to start getting back to normal.

    My kids tested again about a month ago. My daughter since hasn’t passed the test she set out to pass back in September. It’s like her confidence and interest were lost at that September test. I feel bad because I never thought to pack food and water for her that day and she just wasn’t able to make it through the younger kids test and keep focus for her test. I think if she had been given food and water while waiting so she didn’t go into her own test hungry and thirsty, she might have done better. Now I can hardly get her to practice or even put in a good faith effort in class. So she failed her test again. I need to figure out how to help her regain the interest she once had in TKD. My son, on the other hand, is still doing very well. He caught up to my daughter rank-wise this last test and is so pleased with himself. I’m hoping that will help motivate her to work harder. My hubby, who doesn’t care about MA, refuses to let her quit because he doesn’t want her to learn to be a quitter. My son worked hard, practicing at home with me several days and really nailed his test. He worked hard and it showed.

    It’s kid of weird going through two test cycles and not being one who is testing. It’s kind of nice though. Many of the black belts have been asking me when I’ll test for black. That isn’t up to me but they seem surprised I won’t be testing next month. It never would have worked. I’m four months postpartum and only now getting back to where I was before baby. Thankfully my instructor understands all that and never even tried to have me aim for a January test date. However, he did tell me at my last class that I’ll be testing for black in June. My baby will only be ten months old. I’m not sure she nor I will be ready to be apart for six + hours. :/ plus, I breastfeed. Am I going to be able to take a pumping break in the middle of the test? I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to my instructor about these things yet because I had to run off after class last time and now we are on Christmas break. Oh well, it is kind of cool to have a date I’m working towards.


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  7. dvcochran

    dvcochran Grandmaster

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    Great to hear from you!!!
    Families that work out together are a cherished thing. It can get tough when one child loses interest. I forget your children's ages but regardless, my advise is not to put demeaning pressure on them, such looking only at the next testing. It is a hard line to balance when you want your child to do an extra-curricular activity, that we know is good for them, but they do not want to participate. If possible, separate things like interest, comparison, logic/reason, even encouragement between the children. It has to be Her thing, not a group thing. One of the coolest things about MA's is that it's an individual practice we can do as a group.
    When we meditate before/after class, I often tell the class to think on One thing they done really well and One thing they need to work on. The amount of information coming at someone, even children can get overwhelming. Help her slow down and stop worrying about the next test. It is only a valid goal when put in the correct frame. Remind her that when she learns the How in her techniques/drills/forms, the 'test' will come naturally. In other words, help her slow her pace and just practice the specifics. Get her doing the techniques she is good at and praise and encourage her. Then Help her with A technique she is struggling with. If you have mirrors at your school, they are excellent tools. People are usually very able to critique themselves. Plus, there is great tangential benefits that you, as a parent/teacher can glean from watching her, watch herself in the mirror. Things like posture, demeanor, expression, attitude are magnified. Continuously Talk to her (not at her) while she is looking in the mirror and explain what you see her doing. Most often, what you see and what she is seeing is quite different. Soo much information to be found there. Explain and Show her what you see her doing and how it is different.
    Make her workouts, her workouts. Framing it only in the context that she is failing testing's is going to drive her farther away class.
    One thing I have suggested to parents is to figure out who are her friends in class. Set up a play time with them outside of class. Sometimes making new relationships that are associated with the extra curricular (MA class) will be a motivator to keep someone working out. Over time, hopefully she will decide she wants to do MA for her own reasons.

    Great to hear you are nearing your BB test. I would say some of the same things to you. 1st Dan BB testing only comes around once. Make is special and memorable. Even if that mean waiting a little longer so that you have the external stressors out of the way. The middle of a BB test is no time to be worrying about anything else, even your small child. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I hope you get what I am trying so say. The work that goes into prepping Everything to make your test 'perfect' is directly proportional to the reward at the end.
    In every dimension, we do not have a clue to the craziness in each other life's. One thing I do on a regular basis is keep a running and ever changing 'to do' list. The better detailed and defined you can make your BB test list the better. Yes, expect the test will Not go as planned but still make a hard plan. This will help you figure out how to deal with the externals (like pumping;)) that hopefully you can deal with.
    Much the same, drill Only what you need as much as possible. Focus is the name of the game. Assess what is external chatter and what is internal necessity. You are already looking ahead, which is a good thing. Now, set down and put 'pen to paper' and work out a plan. This is a great tool to help focus your efforts.
    Keep going and let us know how things progress. I wish the best for you and your children.
     
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  8. _Simon_

    _Simon_ Senior Master

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    Awesome to hear from you Michele! BB test in sight wow! How exciting, but yes, as said above only when you are ready for it. I'm sure we won't ever feel 100% perfectly ready for anything, so it's not always great to wait until life's conditions are 100%, but yeah agreed that you want to make sure there is nothing to distract from it, and that you are comfortable with preparing for and doing it.
    Very comprehensive post and very VERY well said. Got alot out of it myself.

    Thanks dvcochran :)
     
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  9. dvcochran

    dvcochran Grandmaster

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    Your are most welcome..
     
  10. mrt2

    mrt2 Purple Belt

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    Don't blame yourself for your daughter's lack of motivation. At my school, I have seen siblings start training together and one takes off while the other flatlines or even regresses. Or even situations like yours where it is a parent and a child or two children. IMO, if your daughter is not motivated to practice TKD, I would let her quit. It isn't for everyone, and there is no shame in trying something out and giving it up after a few months or even a few years. Maybe someday she will come back to it, maybe not. But forcing her to stick with it even as she flat lines isn't teaching her anything. Perhaps it will just weigh on her self esteem. Better to put it aside for awhile and hope she finds something else to be passionate about.

    Good job sticking with your training. I am also sticking with my training and it is really starting to pay off as I feel better, and feel better about myself than I have in 20 years.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2019
  11. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    My brother went through that with his son. In order to satisfy both thoughts ("don't be a quitter" and "why make him do something he doesn't like") he told his son he could quit after the next school year. My brother still trains, but my nephew is happy not training.123
     
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