Jeff Boler
Blue Belt
Funny as heck.
http://www.frankfortinfo.com/video/french_commandos.wmv
http://www.frankfortinfo.com/video/french_commandos.wmv
French Special Ops in Action
- Thread starter Jeff Boler
- Start date
oldnewbie
Purple Belt
Oh Man... my sides are killing me!!!!!!
Thanks
Thanks
KenpoTex
Senior Master
ROTFLMAO!!!
seeing something about the French remined me of this:
The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last moment by
schizophrenic
teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare;
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
Frenchman."
- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
- The Dutch War - Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Frogophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military
power
- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every
since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw
far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to
the
Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most
of
the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
also
French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
British
footwear designer
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat
boy
to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only
sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the
French
bloodline
- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
with
the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First
Rule
of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
identical
to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders
to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to
Vietnamese
ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should
not
be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France
collapses?"
seeing something about the French remined me of this:
The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last moment by
schizophrenic
teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare;
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
Frenchman."
- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
- The Dutch War - Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Frogophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military
power
- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every
since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw
far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to
the
Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most
of
the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
also
French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
British
footwear designer
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat
boy
to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only
sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the
French
bloodline
- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
with
the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First
Rule
of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
identical
to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders
to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to
Vietnamese
ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should
not
be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France
collapses?"
Jeff Boler said:
ROFLMAO.
Thanks for the laugh!
Now that is a crack assault team!
:rofl:
:rofl:
P
pknox
Guest
Very funny!
Reminds me of two quotes I had heard regarding the French and their "illustrious" military history...
Patton: "I would rather have a German army in front of me than a French one behind me."
Schwarzkopf: "Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordian."
Reminds me of two quotes I had heard regarding the French and their "illustrious" military history...
Patton: "I would rather have a German army in front of me than a French one behind me."
Schwarzkopf: "Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordian."
Why did they point their weapons at each other?
Were they thinking that the others might surrender to the mudd?
Were they thinking that the others might surrender to the mudd?
KenpoTex
Senior Master
Gotta love Patton...pknox said:
Reminds me of my favorite joke regarding France:
Q: "Why do they have trees along the streets in Paris?"
A: "Becuase the Germans like marching in the shade."
Tgace
Grandmaster
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2003
- Messages
- 7,766
- Reaction score
- 409
Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: What do the French call a direct hit on Paris by a nuclear device?
A: More proof that inspections are working.
Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.
Q: How many Frenchmen would it take to defend Paris?
A: It's not known, it's never been tried.
Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.
Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English?
A: Welcome!
Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead Frenchmen?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!
Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.
Q: Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.
Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German.
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.
Q: Why do they call it the French Foreign Legion?
A: Because no one from France is willing to fight.
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: What do the French call a direct hit on Paris by a nuclear device?
A: More proof that inspections are working.
Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.
Q: How many Frenchmen would it take to defend Paris?
A: It's not known, it's never been tried.
Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.
Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English?
A: Welcome!
Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead Frenchmen?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!
Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.
Q: Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.
Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German.
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.
Q: Why do they call it the French Foreign Legion?
A: Because no one from France is willing to fight.
D
Disco
Guest
Sockray Blue! That mud must be Magnafeek. Did you see the complexion on those soldiers?
R
rschoon
Guest
Awesome!! Wish i could save it.
A
Akula
Guest
rschoon said:
Just right click on the link in the first post, and say "Save Link Target As" and point to a location on your hard drive. This is how Mozilla/Netscape work, IE is simiilar.
someguy
Master Black Belt
lol
btw the French are great at fighting...
as long as its against themselves. French revolutions
btw the French are great at fighting...
as long as its against themselves. French revolutions
The Fench have adopted a "State of Alert" system similar to that of the USA. However, in order to avoid the potentially confusing color based system, they have simplified the states: run, hide, surrender, and collaborate.
LOL! Maybe instead of colors they could use cheeses: "Aujord'hui, c'est brie."
Robert Carver
Orange Belt
As a former Marine, I believe that there are some very valuable lessons to be learned from this.
1. Never conduct an amphibious assault without first doing a proper beach recon.
2. When the French tell you that they do not want to be a participant in the War on Terror, you count your blessings.
1. Never conduct an amphibious assault without first doing a proper beach recon.
2. When the French tell you that they do not want to be a participant in the War on Terror, you count your blessings.
KenpoTex
Senior Master
Well said Robert...lolRobert Carver said:
