Found My Family!

[Yondanchris]

[h=5]I have been searching for my Bio-Dad for the last 10 years or so. I only found out at 18 that my Dad (Sam) was not my biological father but has been an awesome dad for my entire life. I have been searching online and even hired a private detective to help me find my Biological Dad or family without much fortune...until this week...

I was searching for my bio-dads name on facebook when I came across a young lady's facebook page and she had a picture of her "Uncle Vern"...I dunno how many people out there are named Vernon McEwen but I thought that there was a good chance that this young lady would be a relative. So, I e-mailed her and sent a facebook message and prayed about it.

The next morning (Tuesday of this week) I get an e-mail from the young lady telling me that she is indeed my cousin and that she will forward my information to my bio-dad (Vern). No less that 3 hours later Vern is calling my cell phone (which I unfortunately missed) and he e-mailed me. By last night we had talked for several hours and now I am getting to know my family through facebook and eventually in the flesh. I now know I have 3 Uncles and an Aunt and a ton of cousins not more than 15 min from where I live! I also found out I have 3 siblings that are excited to get to know me!

My Mom and Dad do not yet know that I have found Vern and contacted him. I am trying to think of the best way to break the information to my parents in a loving and gentle way where they understand that they are still my family and that I am not going anywhere neither am I understating their importance in my life by contacting vern....so what do you guys think?[/h]

 

[Sukerkin]

It is one of those situations where it is very difficult to put yourself in someone elses shoes. For me, it would depend, I think, upon the situation that lead to your out-of-the-ordinary family circumstances coming about e.g. whether you were adopted or, perhaps, accepted as his own by your 'life' father even tho' he was not your biological father. From what I have read, for adoptees, contacting biological parents has had outcomes that are both very positive and very negative; it's very much based upon personal factors which way it goes.

One things for sure is that it is likely to be an emotionally difficult situation for all concerned, so take it gently and in small steps.

 

[granfire]

Just your bio dad?


As Suke said, it can go either way.

But it is a weird feeling to know you have a lot of family.
I grew up knowing only my dad's side of the tree. On my mom's side, there was a grandpa who died in the war, a boring grandmother and an uncle, fun, but unreliable.

Until my mom and I went to a family reunion of her father's family.
He was the second youngest of maybe 10 kids. The youngest kid died in the war, so never had family, the organizers only could find family of three other siblings. There were well over 100 people there. It was cool and intimidating at the same time.
And I found out I look much like Uncle Robert, the youngest sibling of my grandfather.


As to your parents, I think you best tell them as soon as possible.
They probably are not as unaware as it might seem, but when it's said out loud is's still different.
Maybe take them out to a nice restaurant?

It is strange, but for some reason as we get older we seem to need to know where we came from.
Tracing family roots, etc.

but be careful: Family dynamics are a mine field in the best of families...stepping into a new set of rules and traditions can be interesting!


Good luck to you.
As Suke said, that's a situation hard to imagine as outsider.



(on a funny side note, I talked to a lady about birthdays etc about kids, how we had her son's on the wrong day. 'You were there' I tell her jokingly, it's my mom's favorite phrase about my birthday...'Oh, no' she said, 'I didn't get him til he was 15 month old' oops...)

 

[arnisador]

Good for you! This can be tough on the adoptive parents--be careful, but good luck!

 

[Takai]

I am happy that you are pleased with this new connection. I would reiterate the previous advice be careful, mention this to you family in the most non-confrontational way you can. These people raised you, you are their son and the thought that they might not be enough could be devastating.


Once the cat is out of the bag so to speak it is out there.

 

[ks - learning to fly]

Only my opinion - but I feel if you're honest with your adoptive family and they love you - they should respect your feelings and give their blessing - I believe you have every right to know where you come from (and, in some cases - VERY helpful - for your medical history as you age)...as difficult as it was for them to give you up for adoption, I think it would be twice as difficult to know they're so close and not make contact. I wish you only the best and am very happy that you've been able to find your 'bio-family'!!

 

[Mauthos]

Definitely agree with KS as my real father got in touch with me 2 years ago (left when I was 3) and tbh due to history I had never wanted to get in touch with him. However, why I agree is that I found out he had been diagnosed as type 2 diabetic 15 years previously, his twin had been diagnosed 6 years before him and their mother was a type 1 diabetic. This was all unknown to me and my mother but if I had known this information there was always the possibility I may have managed to stop developing diabetes myself or at least delay the onset instead of developing it at 27.

Anyway, good luck, hope it all works out well for you.

 

[oftheherd1]

My son and I were estranged for most all his life. About 4/5 years ago, he found me. We talked some by phone (we don't live any ways close to each other). I eventually met a grandson, and found I have a granddaughter. It hasn't worked out and we haven't been in touch for a couple of years. Not assigning any blame, it just hasn't worked out.

Do what your heart tells you, but know there may be problems with your current family, your bio-family, or both. If there are, there will be no escaping it. You will just have to muddle through it and endure.

Do stay in constant prayer about it, and get any of your church who can be discrete to pray with you when possible.