27 things to consider in a new relationship

[Rich Parsons]

From : http://www.yahoo.com/s/296266

1. Kids or no kids?
2. Smoking or no smoking?
3. Drinking or no drinking? (Same for drugs)
4. Religious beliefs: Match? Blend? Clash?
5. Who works? Who stays home (especially when the kids come along)?
6. Who wants to live where?
7. Who controls the checkbook?
8. What is his/her personal relationship with his/her family? Too distant? Too close?
Too weird? Appropriate to your standards?
9. How are holidays spent? At home? With family? Alone? Vacationing?
10. Windows opened or closed? Heat/AC on or off?
11. What side of the bed must you (he/she) sleep on?
12. Where to spend vacations? Leisure time?
13. Sick: Left alone or babied?
14. Appropriate gift giving: birthdays? Yuletide holidays? Special occasions?
15. Who does what around the house?
16. What is acceptable hygiene?
17. What are his/her hobbies, pastimes?
18. Preferences: Music? Movie? Book favorites?
19. Favorite foods?
20. Pets or no pets? What kind?
21. Decisions about the children: School, church, discipline, allowance,
extra curricular activities, friends, and curfew?
22. Mealtimes: Early or late?
23. Furniture: Vintage or Contemporary?
24. Sleeping habits: Four hours or eight?

As well as how do they handle Crisis, treat your family and friends, and act in public.



Some of these have obvious merits, other may need further discussion. Thoughts everyone?

 

[Gemini]

Chemistry. Makes all those obsolete.

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

A full psychological workup is a must, as well.

 

[Kacey]

I think that most of them should come a little later in the relationship... I mean, 1-4 are immediate, as are 16-20 and 22, but the rest aren't things I consider in a 'new' relationship; they are things I consider in a deepening relationship... so I guess that depends on your definition of 'new' to begin with.

Other than that, I would consider all of those things to be important at some stage - but some of them can be worked on or worked out (which side of the bed to sleep on), while others are less mutable (kids or no kids). I would think it would depend on the people involved.

 

[Carol]

Hmmm...smoking and hygeine are kind of important to me, other than that, I can't say that the points in and of themselves are deal-breakers either way. Well, maybe #10 and #20 are...I prefer the windows closed And, if someone had that big of an issue with my elderly cat that none of my other attributes could overcome that, perhaps we simply aren't a match.

I can see where many of these would be a big deal to some people. To me it's nothing that can't be overcome with respect, communication, and love.

But that's just my thoughts.

 

[Shirt Ripper]

I'd add to the list that there is too many things to consider when entering a new relationship.

 

[Ping898]

You also need to consider that people change over time. Sono matter what is "decided" today, something could happen tomorrow that sends it out of the window. All important to talk about I think, but you need to remember your answers change over time.

Like something trivial, number 22, the mealtime, growing up we always ate sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 pm, now my folks eat about 5-ish cause of some medication or something he's on and when he's not around, my mom might not eat dinner until 8pm.

What matters today might not matter tomorrow.

 

[still learning]

Hello, Didn't see anything on cooking and fish cleaning? Did I miss this?

UM? ....not really particular...just wondering? ....Aloha

 

[Lisa]

You also need to consider that people change over time. Sono matter what is "decided" today, something could happen tomorrow that sends it out of the window. All important to talk about I think, but you need to remember your answers change over time.

Like something trivial, number 22, the mealtime, growing up we always ate sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 pm, now my folks eat about 5-ish cause of some medication or something he's on and when he's not around, my mom might not eat dinner until 8pm.

What matters today might not matter tomorrow.

Excellent points Ping.

I look at that list and wonder if all those things were important to me when I was dating and/or engaged to my husband. I can honestly say we don't see eye to eye on everything but the major things that are important to me we are definitely on the same page. Those that we aren't the same on I just accept as part of what makes him, him. I don't think I would want a male mirror image of me.

 

[Carol]

Excellent points Ping.

I look at that list and wonder if all those things were important to me when I was dating and/or engaged to my husband. I can honestly say we don't see eye to eye on everything but the major things that are important to me we are definitely on the same page. Those that we aren't the same on I just accept as part of what makes him, him. I don't think I would want a male mirror image of me.

I agree Lisa.

The add-ons by Rich, speak more of a person's character.

As well as how do they handle Crisis, treat your family and friends, and act in public.

It is traits like character and integrity that are enduring over time.

That's personally something that I find more attractive than whether a gentleman is like me or not. It's also a difficult characteristic to determine in another person.

 

[Blindside]

27 things to consider in a new relationship? Wow, call me shallow, as I recall (its been 12 years) the only thing I recall thinking about the "new relationship" was a hormone induced haze of sex and lust. After about 3 months we just started thinking about all this other stuff.

I think people are over-thinking this, if there is good compatibility and chemistry most of this stuff isn't even important. Is there stuff that bugs me about what my wife does? Sure, and I know quite well that the opposite is true (I've been told repeatedly). And yet we're happy. It seems to me that there are very few "deal-breakers" in a good relationship.

Lamont

 

[Henderson]

27 things to consider in a new relationship? Wow, call me shallow, as I recall (its been 12 years) the only thing I recall thinking about the "new relationship" was a hormone induced haze of sex and lust. After about 3 months we just started thinking about all this other stuff.

Lamont

OK...your shallow.

Now, really.... Finally! Someone has been honest about how their relationship began. Me too.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

I think that most of them should come a little later in the relationship... I mean, 1-4 are immediate, as are 16-20 and 22, but the rest aren't things I consider in a 'new' relationship; they are things I consider in a deepening relationship... so I guess that depends on your definition of 'new' to begin with.

i agree. if someone were to drop questions like that on me during the first couple of months, i would get seriously gunshy.