If Guys Ruled the World

KenpoTex

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1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the a$$ and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in: Cop:"You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Birth-control would come in ale or lager.

17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sport car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're#1!".

20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out

21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

25. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

26. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
 

OUMoose

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14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

Addendum: Daisy Duke Shorts are however classified the same as Spandex (insert clothing item here)... They are a privlidge, not a right
 
C

Chicago Green Dragon

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Tex

So just out of curiosity............

Arent the majority of the politicians, world leaders and military commanders all men..........

What does that tell you ?


:partyon:


Party On :CTF:


Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:
 
C

Chicago Green Dragon

Guest
I think we just need to remember the key word

Amendments...

:partyon:


Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:
 

theletch1

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Chicago Green Dragon said:
Tex

So just out of curiosity............

Arent the majority of the politicians, world leaders and military commanders all men..........

What does that tell you ?


:partyon:


Party On :CTF:


Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:
That they can all say "Yes, Dear." as well as I can.
 
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KenpoTex

KenpoTex

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OUMoose said:
Addendum: Daisy Duke Shorts are however classified the same as Spandex (insert clothing item here)... They are a privlidge, not a right
Yes, thank you for mentioning that...

theletch1 said:
That they can all say "Yes, Dear." as well as I can.
Pretty much...;)
 
C

Chicago Green Dragon

Guest
That is the key to a blissfull relationship

Yes dear

Yes dear

Of course dear................

Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:

theletch1 said:
That they can all say "Yes, Dear." as well as I can.
 
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KenpoTex

KenpoTex

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What's the old saying? The man is the head but the woman is the iron hand around his throat...or something like that...lol
 

someguy

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kenpotex said:
What's the old saying? The man is the head but the woman is the iron hand around his throat...or something like that...lol
I have never heard of that one before but sounds about right. I mean wait no thats wrong terribly terribly wrong.
 
T

TonyM.

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See! We really are puppets. The Wimmins tell us we're in charge and messin everything up. If we were in charge the rules would apply!
 

theletch1

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someguy said:
I have never heard of that one before but sounds about right. I mean wait no thats wrong terribly terribly wrong.
Uh-oh, someones wife must have walked into the room as he was posting. :uhyeah:
 

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