W
WillFightForBeer
Guest
DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. By this time, it is expensive and sour.
SOCIAL DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk,and the cows drop dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
COUNTER CULTURE-ISM: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
ENRONISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with the associated general offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report states that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
AMERICAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows using Bioengineered hormones. You lobby an ignorant Congress so as to make sure that you do not have to label your milk products - even if they cross state lines. You are surprised when one cow drops dead, but you work out a deal so that you can sell it to a renderer - and feed it back to your herd. Some of the older second-cycle cows cannot be impregnated - while others deliver twins - that have to killed and sold for pitance as vealers... You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have somemore vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count themagain and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle ofvodka. You produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows upand takes over however many cows you really have.
FLORIDA CORPORATIONISM: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATIONISM: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. By this time, it is expensive and sour.
SOCIAL DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk,and the cows drop dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
COUNTER CULTURE-ISM: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
ENRONISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with the associated general offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report states that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
AMERICAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows using Bioengineered hormones. You lobby an ignorant Congress so as to make sure that you do not have to label your milk products - even if they cross state lines. You are surprised when one cow drops dead, but you work out a deal so that you can sell it to a renderer - and feed it back to your herd. Some of the older second-cycle cows cannot be impregnated - while others deliver twins - that have to killed and sold for pitance as vealers... You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATIONISM: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have somemore vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count themagain and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle ofvodka. You produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows upand takes over however many cows you really have.
FLORIDA CORPORATIONISM: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATIONISM: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
