Winning is it everything

[terryl965]

Sometimes I see so many kids and teenagers get so cought up in winning and forgetting that it is so much more than that. This past weekend I watched a coach scream and yell because he thought his student let him down at this tournament. The poor child was so beaten up by his coach and parents that I sometimes wonder what if it was them in the ring and not that child would they like to be jump and screamed at. Toyrnaments are suppose to be fun and enjoyable and also competitively to speak of so why the fuse when they loose, not everyone will win and for sure nobody is undefeated doing any type of competition. I really feel for those individuals.

 

[bluekey88]

I hate that sooooo much.

I saw some of that this weekend as well. However, for the most part I was super impressed by the guys taking part in the PA state championships. My son got his bell rung (ref called a stop, Zak dropped his hands, the other guy tagged his open head...not intentuional, but the end of the fight). I counted guys from 5 different schools checking on Zak at the medic station (none of whome we tain with, only see at local tournys). Incredible class.

So, for the few coaches and parents who don't get it. I know, at least in my littel corner of the world, that's not anywhere near the majority.

there is hope.

Peace,
Erik

 

[tshadowchaser]

I tell my students that tournaments are for learning, makeing friends, and haveing fun.
If they win great, if not I hope they at least are good sports and learn from the experence. Heaven help the one if they scream, cry, ***** about looseing no matter if the judgeing was good or not. Poor judgeing also teaches the competitor something.
Parents should learn that it is NOT all about winning but perfecting what we do.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Learning is everything.
Sean

 

[dancingalone]

Obviously it's rather silly to be upset with your student over a tourney result, but how about in general? Would you ever read your students the riot act over something?

I have. Generally when they show a lack of effort or sincerity. It rarely happens but it has before, and I WILL get into their face about it and it is not a pretty sight. A lack of effort in my dojo shows disrespect to not only me but also the other students there. I have no toleration for it.

 

[bluekey88]

Lack of effort defintiely. Especially if I've called you on it more than a couple of times. Outright disrespect will get a dressing down. I respect you, you better respect me back. I'll get on a student who beahves unsafely in class as well.

I will never get on you for not winning. (or worse yet, for winning, but not well enough...seen that one too).

Give it your best, work hard, be respectful of yourself, me and everyone else...we're good.

Peace,
Erik

 

[Nomad]

Is it everything? Not by a long shot. I don't think it's particularly important, actually, and believe that most people learn more and faster by losing than by winning.

I've seen the same thing in a young girls recreational soccer league; parents screaming at their kids in an effort to make them better, not realizing that what they're really doing is ripping away their self-esteem and likely making them hate the sport they're supposed to be "having fun" with.

Too many parents and coaches have WAY too much invested with their competitors, no matter what the age. Yes, cheer them on, but if they lose, realize that there's another day, be grateful that they weren't (hopefully) hurt, and encourage them to keep trying and get better over time.

And, of course, complain about how bad the refereeing was and let them know that of course they should have won if the referee(s) weren't blind.

 

[Daniel Sullivan]

Sometimes I see so many kids and teenagers get so cought up in winning and forgetting that it is so much more than that. This past weekend I watched a coach scream and yell because he thought his student let him down at this tournament. The poor child was so beaten up by his coach and parents that I sometimes wonder what if it was them in the ring and not that child would they like to be jump and screamed at. Toyrnaments are suppose to be fun and enjoyable and also competitively to speak of so why the fuse when they loose, not everyone will win and for sure nobody is undefeated doing any type of competition. I really feel for those individuals.

Without igniting any sport vs. art debates, this is one of the reasons that I am not overly enthused about the sportive aspect of some martial arts. You would not see this at a kendo tournament, but I fear that taekwondo tournaments have become just another extension of school age sports and all that goes with it, both positive and negative.

Winning is certainly not everything... unless you are fighting for your life. Then it is not every thing; it is the only thing.

But in sport, you are not fighting for your life. There is plenty of positive in sports and some fine, fine people. But the baggage that goes with it is something that I would rather take a pass on. Taekwondo has transitioned to sport and now a lot of the negatives that we see in school sports have crept in.

Daniel

 

[Gorilla]

"If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same"

From the Poem "IF" by Rudyard Kipling


It is important that you learn from what you do. Adapt and move forward. Winning and loosing are just the steps you take to your ultimate goal.

 

[ATC]

We don't care if you win or lose, but you must do a few things or I really don't see the point of competeing with a coach.

1. Prepare
2. Listen
3. Apply what you have prepared and are being told
4. Learn from your win or loss

If you cannot do those simple four things then yes you can compete but do not use a coach as it is a waste of his/her time. Anyone can compete and do what they want without a coach.

 

[seasoned]

Only when you compete against yourself.

 

[d1jinx]

I may have mentioned this before so if i sound like a record.... sorry.
But it seems to fit in here.

Last year at the US Open, I was watching one of Juan Moerano's BB fight. Juan was coaching. Now the fight wasnt that great (surprise) and Juans boy lost. Let me tell you how big of an *** juan made himself look. He stood up and started yelling at the kid from his chair. Grabbed the guys stuff, (jacket and badge) and threw it at him as he was crossing the center of the ring, hitting him and stormed off. real *** he was. poor kid had no one around to say anything too and stood there looking around, then walked off. I felt bad for the guy. He didnt do that bad, but he lost. It was as if Juan dis-owned him on the spot.

As a fighter, Winning was EVERYTHING to me, as a coach, its about the experience.... funny how my personal standards are different then those of I place on others. And as I got older, Loosing only pissed me off more. Because I began loosing due to lack of endurance/stamina.... not skill.

I knew when I did my best and i lost, I was ok with it.... but it was the other 95% of the time.....

I never made a scene, acted an ***, or argued a decision... but on the inside... AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 

[granfire]

I'd probably be the person consoling the disgraced loser.

I have seen a couple of distasteful displays at a small tourney. One was a kid being unhappy having placed 2nd if I recall, in a 8 boy group. Another boy in that group did a dieing swan, dropping on the floor like he had been shot, not mildly tagged.

On the other hand, I was incredibly proud of a young fellow from our school who battled his way back from a 3 point deficit, to lose only because the clock ran out. he was very upset with himself, over achiever, but he was impressive. Little kid, too. Sometimes the kids put more pressure on themselves than the adults.

But yeah, some people take it too far. I don't think I could sit still if somebody showed his behind in a disgraceful manner when a kid under his/her care didn't win (and I am saying didn't win, and not lose...you don't lose when you compete.)

Is that an American thing? You know, the 'second is the first loser' deal?

 

[Touch Of Death]

Only when you compete against yourself.

To feel as if you are in competition with everyone else is a sign of a low self esteem.
sean

 

[Stac3y]

I tell my kids that every time you go into the ring and try, you have won. Sappy as that may sound, I really believe it. It takes courage to go in there and compete--courage that a lot of people don't have.

I yell encouragement to my kids, my students, my friends, etc. at competitions. I would NEVER dress a kid down for losing, though I have had a serious discussion with one of my sons about not trying in a sparring match. I would not allow a coach to scream and yell at my kid for losing. I have the great good fortune to work with instructors who share my feelings about that. Then again, if they didn't, I'd be outta there.

 

[rmclain]

I know this seems frustrating. This is the nature of tournaments though. Martial art versions of "soccer dads," in the version of teachers, coaches, parents, and peers are everywhere. Though I've seen some tremendously physically-skilled martial sportsmen at tournaments, some of the worst "martial arts" I've ever seen have been at tournaments.

There are good people that frequent these events, but it generally attracts the wrong kind - the kind that value a plastic trophy or medal over being a respectful person and realizing that their lives could be the shiny trophy. They somehow use the tenents they preach in their sports as merely lip service, instead using the tenents as a polishing cloth to shine their Life-trophy into a jewel that could last a lifetime.

Keep your head up, Terry, as you have the goal of helping your son reach his Olympic goal. But, as you may know better than anyone, the experience you mention is normal and part of the road you have to travel with your son.

R. McLain

Sometimes I see so many kids and teenagers get so cought up in winning and forgetting that it is so much more than that. This past weekend I watched a coach scream and yell because he thought his student let him down at this tournament. The poor child was so beaten up by his coach and parents that I sometimes wonder what if it was them in the ring and not that child would they like to be jump and screamed at. Toyrnaments are suppose to be fun and enjoyable and also competitively to speak of so why the fuse when they loose, not everyone will win and for sure nobody is undefeated doing any type of competition. I really feel for those individuals.