What is the difference between a conservative/liberal - Funny

[Bob Hubbard]

What is the difference between a conservative/liberal - Funny



If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.


If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".


(found on Facebook)

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I find I'm turning "conservative" by these definitions.

 

[Tez3]

The strange thing is that the opposite is true here! The conservatives which is traditionally the 'toffs' party want to ban the working class from everything and it's the liberals here who want lest government, private ownership etc. Your liberals however are our Labour party.

 

[MBuzzy]

HAHAHAHAHA.....conservative homosexual. You're right, that WAS funny!



I would like to see the liberal version of this. By these definitions, I'm conservative too. Luckily actual views aren't based on jokes like this. Yet another reason for me to hate party-based politics....or at least, our version of it.

 

[Ken Morgan]

Some similarities to Conservative - Liberal nonsense up here.

HAHAHAHAHA.....conservative homosexual. You're right, that WAS funny

Actually I have several card carrying conservative homosexual friends, what’s funny about it?

 

[chrispillertkd]

Actually I have several card carrying conservative homosexual friends, what’s funny about it?

It's funny in the sense that it doesn't follow the Liberal-narrative that has been constructed where group politics trumps individuality.

I actually found the joke amusing.

Pax,

Chris

 

[CoryKS]

While I agree with most of these, it's interesting to see what happens when, for example, you replace the word "gun" with "abortion".

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

A plague on both their houses, I say.

 

[MBuzzy]

Actually I have several card carrying conservative homosexual friends, what’s funny about it?

So do I....I suppose I forgot the sarcasm indication. Depending on who you talk to, that can never happen. Not to side-track the thread.

 

[celtic_crippler]

It's funny in the sense that it doesn't follow the Liberal-narrative that has been constructed where group politics trumps individuality.

I actually found the joke amusing.

Pax,

Chris

Don't worry about it. He must be a "Liberal" lol

While I agree with most of these, it's interesting to see what happens when, for example, you replace the word "gun" with "abortion".




A plague on both their houses, I say.

"If a conservative doesn't like abortions, he doesn't buy one."
"If a liberal doesn't like abortions, he wants all abortions outlawed."

...I don't get it? I could see replacing "conservative" with "Democrat" perhaps...lol

But yeah...I say a plague on both their houses too.

In the meantime...I'm forwarding this to all my friends for a good laugh.

 

[CoryKS]

"If a conservative doesn't like abortions, he doesn't buy one."
"If a liberal doesn't like abortions, he wants all abortions outlawed."

...I don't get it? I could see replacing "conservative" with "Democrat" perhaps...lol

Yeah, that's the point - you have to switch the labels around. The items are supposed to imply a certain level of tolerance on the part of the conservative that is lacking in the liberal. But that tolerance depends on the topic. Same for the liberal, which is why I refuse to use the sweeping term "pro-choice" which tends to make one sound more benevolently open-minded than the more precise term "pro-abortion". Start talking to them about health care, and they are decidedly less "pro-choice".

 

[JDenver]

A Liberal version---

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. He also analyzes all perspectives on gun use, not just the one that suits him.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat and doesn't care how or why any of it happens.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. He also analyzes all perspectives on the health benefits of meat consumption.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy using tanks.
A liberal wonders how to truly defeat his enemy, not just run everything over with a tank.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life with no regard to the fight others in their situation may have to make.
If a liberal is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. When he CANNOT quietly lead his life because legislation strips him of his right to, he FIGHTS BACK.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful and attack those who don't feel the same.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as successful, and they courageously analyze and probe systemic abuses and legislations that are barriers to the success of others.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation, without regard for others.
A liberal wonders why society allows for some to be 'down and out' while others rape, manipulate and exploit those below them.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host who espouses inflammatory hate, he switches channels with no regard for others.
A Liberal will demand that inflammatory hate speech have consequences.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer doesn't go to church. He also demands that 'believers' not shove their opinions down their throats.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it, with no regard at all for others.
A liberal demands that their health, like basic necessities of food and shelter, be essentially provided for by a country that is the wealthiest and most ardent supporter of basic human rights.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor, and then sues.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative creates this, it will be full of half truths, manipulations, generalizations and an implicit act of aggression.
A liberal will not delete it, but provide a retort.

 

[celtic_crippler]

If a conservative supports something he backs it up with fact
If a liberal endorses something and has no facts to back it up he resorts to name-calling.

ROFL

 

[CoryKS]

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host who espouses inflammatory hate, he switches channels with no regard for others.
A Liberal will demand that inflammatory hate speech have consequences.

I really think you are unclear on the term 'liberal'.

 

[celtic_crippler]

I really think you are unclear on the term 'liberal'.

I don't know... I kinda' think he's adding to the sterotype that spawned the initial post. :lol: