What is cowardice? Am I coward? I feel like a coward.

[Gwai Lo Dan]

I saw this video yesterday about MMA fighting. It's not quite the same in that BJJ has a lower chance of injury, but still you may draw some calm from it.

 

[Mider]

There is nothing wrong with trying to gain insight or check other perspectives. In addition. Ivan has been talking to many of us for a while now and he's gotten some good advice that has produced results. Then there's the actual experience that is in this forum is legit. Out of all of the forums and youtube videos out there. This is one where I personally feel comfortable with taking advice or listening to different perspectives.

I was asking him,

I don’t see him doubting himself as a good thing, that’s not good for anting imo.

 

[Mider]

You are right, what we think doesn't matter. But what the OP thinks does matter that is why he asked for another perspective.

And

You are right, what we think doesn't matter. But what the OP thinks does matter that is why he asked for another perspective.

my perspective if he should speak to his couch

 

[JowGaWolf]

If so, while I agree with a lot of the feedback here, the best advice would probably to speak with a therapist that focuses on anxiety disorders.

I'm on the fence about this but leaning more in your direction only because there is a continuous questioning of "I've always thought myself a coward." Ivan may be doing martial arts / boxing etc. to beat the thought of "being a coward. " Unfortunately martial arts and sports aren't going to fix such thoughts because being a coward is an internal mental issue an external physical issue. Some of the strongest guys in the world are the weakest defenders. Some of the physically weakest people in the world show the most courage.

Fear, Courage, Cowardice are all internal mental states. @Ivan you can successfully fight and win 20 back-to-back fights against world champions and still walk away with the feeling that you have now. After hearing the responses here. You should identify the real reason why you feel like you are a coward and then address that issue. If you can't find the answer to that then reach out to a therapist to help you with that.

I went to one when I was 14 and it was the biggest help I've ever had in my life. They have a talent for presenting thing in a mental way that makes sense to you. The best thing is that most are supportive and non-judgmental. I think many things will improve overall if you can get to the root cause. Therapists often see solutions that everyone else overlooks.

 

[JowGaWolf]

Anxiety and/or panic attacks is the words that Ivan should be using. It sounds like this existed before martial arts/that would imply it exists separate. If so, while I agree with a lot of the feedback here, the best advice would probably to speak with a therapist that focuses on anxiety disorders.

I saw a therapist when I was 14. It was the biggest help I've ever had for the stress I was going through. I like how I didn't feel like there was something wrong with me. Mentally I should see one just to help me deal with some of this life tension I've been dealing with in life. I need to dump the life junk somewhere.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I was asking him,

I don’t see him doubting himself as a good thing, that’s not good for anting imo.

You are correct 100%. Doubting oneself is worse than flat out saying "this is something that's not me." Clarity is everything. One of the things fighters often try to do is make their opponent doubt themselves. Every aggressive conflict I've had starts out with me trying to sow the seeds of doubt into the mind of the person who wants to fight me.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I saw this video yesterday about MMA fighting. It's not quite the same in that BJJ has a lower chance of injury, but still you may draw some calm from it.

I understand this. I don't think you have to be a professional fighter to understand it but agree about that uncertainty and anxiety part. I think it's natural for individual competitive sports because it's just you. There are no teammates to provide that group comfort. Like when you are out with your boyz, it feels like you can take on whatever comes. When you are by yourself, then that same comfort vanishes.

I think this is part of what traditional martial arts makes a point of understanding about controlling emotions during conflict. Throw away the anger, the fear, the anxiety and focus on the task that must be done. The anxiety about being injury sucks too. I've experienced that in my own training when I increased my sparring intensity. That dread of the injuries I'm about to receive. There were days where I just didn't feel like being injured sometimes, I thought to myself, "F....!! is it Thursday already?" Keep in mind this is what most would consider hard sparring. For me the anxiety was all about being injured and how much of a hassle it was.

I also get similar anxiety with I go to the Dentist for dental work. For me I know 3 things will happen without fail.
1. I won't numb properly
2. The drill will hurt.
3. I'll have to get stuck with the needle in the mouth again
4. I'll have anxiety from uncertainty wondering if the 2nd round of numbing actually worked.

I go to the dentist knowing that this is the pain that I will get. It was easier the first couple of times, but the more times it happens the worse my anxiety becomes.

I had similar anxiety running track. I had to fight thoughts of "Will I get too fast too soon" and "Will I hit the hurdle." None of those thoughts would come up in training, but on the day of the track meet, I was a nervous wreck sometimes. The more important I thought the track meet was, the more anxiety I had.

 

[Tigerwarrior]

Ivan this is normal. You are invested in winning, you've trained hard and sacrificed to win, you've put your all in training and preparing and I've been through this myself before the day of my tournament I thought "I hope I did enough" which was a stupid thought because I trained harder than I ever trained before leading up to that tournament. Every time I go to train I have anxiety but I force myself to go then 20mins in I'm glad I went and at the end I'm happy I went and glad I didn't give in to my anxiety. Your thoughts are normal , please stop judging yourself, you are normal my friend.

 

[Ivan]

Hi guys, thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, this is something I’ve been dealing with for a while, so it feels good to know it’s (for the most part) quite normal. Some of you have mentioned seeking professional help and mentioning disorders such as social anxiety and panic attacks. While I have suffered from panic attacks in the past, and would consider myself to be a socially anxious person, I simply am not in a position to seek professional help. Even if I believed in taking medication for anxiety, or attempting to talk things through with someone experienced in it, I can’t afford it financially. I am going to do my best to stick to your advice and support, and confront it on my own or with my family. Thank you all very much once again for your advice - it has come to the point where I think of many of you as an extended family, as you have been with me since almost the very beginning of my martial arts journey.

 

[HighKick]

Hi guys, thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, this is something I’ve been dealing with for a while, so it feels good to know it’s (for the most part) quite normal. Some of you have mentioned seeking professional help and mentioning disorders such as social anxiety and panic attacks. While I have suffered from panic attacks in the past, and would consider myself to be a socially anxious person, I simply am not in a position to seek professional help. Even if I believed in taking medication for anxiety, or attempting to talk things through with someone experienced in it, I can’t afford it financially. I am going to do my best to stick to your advice and support, and confront it on my own or with my family. Thank you all very much once again for your advice - it has come to the point where I think of many of you as an extended family, as you have been with me since almost the very beginning of my martial arts journey.

Keep at it, Ivan. Things sure do look different with time. FWIW, I like 'socially awkward' better. That definitely fits me.
Good on ya for not wanting to go the all too common over-medicated or psychologically bombarded route. Lean on your pier's and people you know you can trust and who you look up to. Best medicine you can get.

 

[KenpoMaster805]

Its okay to be scared and nervous on a competition and don't down your self its okay its your 1st competition who knows in your 2nd competition yo will win the sparring. I never do sparring or never go to my sparring class caused i have a heart condition and im also high blood but when it comes to my belt test i get to do my sparring it feels good my sister don't want me to go to sparring it sucks

 

[Tigerwarrior]

Its okay to be scared and nervous on a competition and don't down your self its okay its your 1st competition who knows in your 2nd competition yo will win the sparring. I never do sparring or never go to my sparring class caused i have a heart condition and im also high blood but when it comes to my belt test i get to do my sparring it feels good my sister don't want me to go to sparring it sucks

You have the heart of a tiger my friend! What you said I found very inspiring. I have some problems too and sometimes don't get to do things I want to do in training but even though I can't do them I want to do them. One day maybe I'll be able to do jumping kicks or other things I can't do. But your post inspired me, alot us take for granted things we can do that others would love to do. But at the end of the day your heart and mind are in your art and your training, even if you're not allowed to spar all the time you are still a champion in my book. Keep up the good work.